Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy.
Henry Kissinger (1923 - )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lessons In LogicIf your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.
I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.
Practice makes perfect.
But nobody's perfect
so why practice?
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Money is not everything.
There's MasterCard & Visa.
One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep.
There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning.
"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk.
"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours.
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So... why learn.
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.
what more can I say.
~~~~~~~~~~
Lessons I've learned...I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just buttholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more messed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.
I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the
local paper.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oxymoron's
Act naturally
Happily married
Microsoft Works
Holy war
Found missing
Resident alien
Minor Catastrophe
Affordable housing
Near miss
Great depression
Canadian army
Phone sex
United nations
Advanced BASIC
Genuine imitation
Death benefits
Airline Food
Women's rights
Good grief
Same difference
Almost exactly
Sensitive man
Government organization
Everything except
Civil War
Good kid
Sanitary landfill
Alone together
Legally drunk
Silent scream
British fashion
Living dead
Small crowd
Business ethics
Soft rock
Butt Head
Military Intelligence
Software documentation
New York culture
New classic
Sweet sorrow
Childproof
"Now, then"
Synthetic natural gas
Christian Scientists
Passive aggressive
Taped live
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct Life
Temporary tax increase
New and improved
Computer jock
Plastic glasses
Terribly pleased
Computer security
Political science
Tight slacks
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Diet ice cream
Rap music
Working vacation
Exact estimate
Religious tolerance
Freezer Burn
Honest Politician
Jumbo Shrimp
Loners Club
Postal Service
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
I am up to no good today, because if I'm up, it's no good.
Well that's not exactly true, because today is Friday for me.
I think I'm going to party like there's no yesterday.
I'm going to party like it's 1999.
I was younger then, and had more energy.
Unless I'm too tired, and I decide to put it off until tomorrow.
To send out the invitations or not........
Have a happy day everyone.
joe