Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
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Grandmas: I was out walking with my Grandson. He picked up something off of the ground and started to put it in his mouth. I took the item away from him and I asked him not to do that. 'Why' my Grandson asked. "Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs," I replied At this point, my Grandson looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Grandma, how do you know all this stuff?? You are so smart." I was thinking quickly and said to him, "all Grandmas know stuff. It's on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but he was evidently pondering this new information. "Oh....I get it! he beamed, So if you don't pass the test you have to be the Grandpa". 'Exactly,' I replied with a big smile on my face.
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ADULT TRUTHS 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again..
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Ladies......Quit Laughing.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Safeway store. The husband picks up a box of beer and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them!' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the cart.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does a crate of beer, and it's half the price.'
He didn't have time to duck.
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Gentle Thoughts for Today Birds of a feather flock together . . . and then [blip] on your car.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
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The Hotel Bill An elderly lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant birthday by staying overnight in one of Chicago 's most expensive hotel.
When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.
She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast."
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate' so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appeared and forewarned by the desk clerk announced: "the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."
''But I didn't use them," she said.
''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.
He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Los Angeles , and Las Vegas performing here," the Manager said.
"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.
Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!"
The Manager was unmoved, so she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to the Manager.
The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. " But madam, this check is only made out for $50.00." '
'That's correct. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to Hump day, and day 3 of 6 for me.
It's a long week, but even more important right now is that day 2 started over 18 hours ago.
I'm beat.
I did get some promising information today. We have a very serious shopper for our house. He's been out twice to look. Today he had an arial photograph of our place with him.
He owns a jet engine rebuilding plant, and he's shopping for a place to buy his grandson.
In short, he has the money.
Ok I'm outta here.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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Guess you will have to for go that Nina walk and do some gaming! Have a lovely day!
