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Thursday Delights #1030642
09/02/15 07:04 PM
09/02/15 07:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
“I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.”
– Unknown

```````````````````````

Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle.

They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity.

The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.

Tom won the first prize - a whole year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce.

Dick was the winner of the second prize - six month's supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti.

And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush.

When they met in the pub a week later, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.

"Great," said Tom. "I love spaghetti."

"So do I," said Dick. "And how's the toilet brush, Harry?"

"Not so good," Harry said, "I reckon I'll go back to paper..."

```````````````````````````

Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear.

One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit.

"Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I've got something to show you!"

"Not now! I'm eating."

"Oh come on!" said the rabbit. "It's really important."

"No way."

"Please. It's urgent."

So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air.

"Well, rabbit," he panted. "What did you want to tell me?"

"Hey, Teddy," the rabbit began, "look how many berries are on the other side of the river."


That's the worst joke ever. I don't think they have bears OR rabbits in Egypt.

`````````````````````````````

Living with the Wolf Man

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks.

"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.

"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely.

"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?"

At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.

Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."

`````````````````````````````````

A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm.

"Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the
shop goes in the back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat.

As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly
whispers,

"Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for
$65,000."

"No problem! I'll write you a check!"

"Very good, sir." says the shop owner.

"Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared."

So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged: "How dare you
show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"

"I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"

``````````````````````````

The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race.

He turned on the jockey.

"Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?"

"Sure I could have, but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse."

````````````````````

A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc.

The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -"Sorry I took so long" he says, "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

````````````````````````````````

Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"

Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."

```````````````````````````````````

A little old lady had two monkeys for years. One day one of them died of natural causes.

In grief, the second monkey passed away two days later. Not knowing what to do with them, she finally decided to take them to the taxidermist and have them stuffed.

After telling the owner of her wishes, he asked her, "Do you want them mounted?"

Blushing, she said, "No. holding hands will be fine."

````````````````````````

One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" while he rumagged through the desk.

He replied, "Who said that?!"

Once again he heard the same thing, "Jesus is watching you!"

The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what its name was. The parrot replied, "Cornelius."

The robber said, "What kind of a name is that?! Who names a parrot that?!"

The parrot said, "The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus!"

```````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Here I go, again on my own. yay


Sorry, the song just popped in my head. blush


At least it's one I like. thumbsup


I have one more 5:00 start this week, and then 2 closers. yes


That means it's pretty close to bed time for me, but first I'm going to go neat half a carton of ice cream. happydance


It cools me down. wink


Have a happy day everyone.



joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Thursday Delights [Re: gymcandy1] #1030646
09/02/15 07:27 PM
09/02/15 07:27 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Thursday Joe. yay


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thursday Delights [Re: gymcandy1] #1030651
09/02/15 07:54 PM
09/02/15 07:54 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
I like today's quote Joe...put's it all in perspective pretty much these days wink

And I really like your "cool down" technique thumbsup

Hope the work week zips by quickly for you

Have a wonderful Thursday SQF penguin

wave


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Thursday Delights [Re: gymcandy1] #1030665
09/02/15 09:06 PM
09/02/15 09:06 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Have a happy day Joe, SpaceQ, soot and all! hearts

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thursday Delights [Re: gymcandy1] #1030688
09/03/15 03:10 AM
09/03/15 03:10 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Have a great Thursday all. happydance wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Thursday Delights [Re: gymcandy1] #1030692
09/03/15 05:47 AM
09/03/15 05:47 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana, soot, Haroula and everyone. wave Coffee is hot and tea water is ready. smile Wishing you all a quiet stress free day! lab catrub


Gerry
Re: Thursday Delights [Re: gymcandy1] #1030705
09/03/15 07:31 AM
09/03/15 07:31 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Thursday. Phones are out, waiting on AT&T to show up. Danish, Omelets, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Thursday Delights [Re: gymcandy1] #1030708
09/03/15 07:44 AM
09/03/15 07:44 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers summer

Joe, enjoy your ice cream.

Ana, have a great day!

Soot, enjoy whatever is on your agenda today.

Space, good day wishes.

Haroula, have a happy day!

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Connie, hope you get phone service soon.

A walk with Nina this morning. Maybe I'll go and get my flu shot and get it over with. Wishing everyone a wonderful day! smile


Gail
Re: Thursday Delights [Re: gymcandy1] #1030714
09/03/15 09:21 AM
09/03/15 09:21 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
I am going to spend my day with Abbi!!! happydance And I think later I will be going to get me a new phone. The one I have has lost it's wifi capability. sad

Have a lovely day everybody!!!

wave
Nan

Re: Thursday Delights [Re: gymcandy1] #1030723
09/03/15 09:48 AM
09/03/15 09:48 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday! May the Force be with ya'll puppy

I was lazy this morning. Think I'll be quiet today, drink tea, and surf wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Thursday Delights [Re: auntiegram] #1030725
09/03/15 09:50 AM
09/03/15 09:50 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Online content
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Online Content
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Happy Thursday Delights!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Sooooo looking forward to the long weekend ahead!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Thursday Delights [Re: Darlene] #1030767
09/03/15 04:05 PM
09/03/15 04:05 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Another hot day here. Looking forward to the long weekend. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thursday Delights [Re: gymcandy1] #1030779
09/03/15 05:42 PM
09/03/15 05:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Hi ya Space, welcome home. Are you off tomorrow?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Thursday Delights [Re: looney4labs] #1030787
09/03/15 06:57 PM
09/03/15 06:57 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
I'm not off tomorrow looney but I do get Monday off. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thursday Delights [Re: gymcandy1] #1030805
09/03/15 10:41 PM
09/03/15 10:41 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi Boomies. It's been another long day for me. I had another drs appointment with my blood doc. Looks like there's a possibility that I might have skin cancer. I'm not gonna worry about it though. I just got my car back late this afternoon and I was feeling good about that. So I'm saying good night to all and I'll see you in the am.

Midgie hearts sleep


Just do it.
Re: Thursday Delights [Re: gymcandy1] #1030817
09/04/15 12:04 AM
09/04/15 12:04 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
SEnding prayers and positive thoughts for you Midgie! hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
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