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Happy Thump Day #1135910
12/20/17 08:48 PM
12/20/17 08:48 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
The two most joyous times of the year are Christmas morning and the end of school.

~Alice Cooper~
``````````````

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing.

The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds.

"That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.

"If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog.

Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to.

"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."

"Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."

``````````

Three men are sitting at a bar - a Texan, a Californian, and a Coloradoan. The Texan orders a bottle of tequila. When he gets

it, he takes one sip, throws it up into the air and *BAM* he shoots it with his .45. Everyone drops to the floor. The bartender recovers first.

"What did you do that for?!" he shouts, "That was good tequila!"

The Texan replies, "Where I come from, we have plenty of tequila and we can throw it away like that."

The Californian, not to be out done, orders a bottle of fine wine. When he gets it, he takes one sip, throws it up into the

air, and *BAM* he shoots it with his semiautomatic. Everyone drops to the floor. The bartender recovers first.

"What did you do that for?!? That was good wine!" he hollers.

The Californian replies, "Where I come from, we have plenty of wine, and we can throw it away like that."

The Coloradoan, who has watched all this with interest, orders a Coors. He opens the bottle and takes a sip. Then he takes

another sip. And another. Soon he's finished the whole bottle. He's throws it up into the air and pulls out his handgun.

Very carefully, he aims, fires, and *BAM* he shoots the Texan. *BAM* he shoots the Californian. Everyone drops to the floor.

The bartender is now shaking with rage.

"What the **** did you do that for!?!" he roars.

"Well," answers the Coloradoan, "where I come from, we have PLENTY of Texans and Californians."


headscratch I may be slow, but I know when I think I've been insulted. mad12

``````````````

A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?!" the warden asked.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."

"OK. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious, now. The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited. After a several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"

"Well, What?" the man responded. "When are you going to call them back?" The game warden prompted.

"Call who back?" The man asked.

"The fish." replied the warden.

"What fish?" The man asked.

`````````````

A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the
British or Americans.

(B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.

(C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than the British or Americans.

(D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans

(E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills
you.

`````````````

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was

very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is

virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak

Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally

exhausted and fainting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third,

our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all

over the place"

"That should have worked," said the friend.

The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also

didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left..."

``````````````

Good morning good friends. santadance


It's Dec. 2nd, and we're going to be a sunny 71 degrees outside. woot


There is however, an 80% chance it will snow in my house. I have my air conditioner going full blast and a sprinkler going in each room. eek12


We actually do have a chance of snow on Sunday. A 'very slight' chance.


The sunny 71 degrees will be a welcome change from the last four days of dark overcast skies. happydance12


Yesterday we had rain all day, but not enough. We even lost power last night for a half hour, and got it back just when I finally found some candles, and more importantly some matches, and was lighting them. lol12


Thursday will be a good day to sit outside in the sun and do my nails. rah


Have a happy day everyone. grinch


joe



Last edited by gymcandy1; 12/20/17 10:57 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1135915
12/20/17 10:12 PM
12/20/17 10:12 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, that's cold for you! We will get the arctic blast this weekend. It's not looking like a white Christmas here.

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave12


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1135920
12/20/17 10:56 PM
12/20/17 10:56 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Sorry Ana, that was 71 degrees, not 7 degrees. oops

Maybe my 1 key is not working right as well. wink12

Have a great day with the pets. puppy


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1135925
12/20/17 11:20 PM
12/20/17 11:20 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
Ohhhh! I thought maybe you got the arctic air too! blush I would like to add a number to mine too! rotfl12

I have such great animals to tend to all day! I just love it!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1135942
12/21/17 06:13 AM
12/21/17 06:13 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,108
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,108
Marlborough USA
tree Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. It's cold here to Ana in the 20s. Snow sleet and freezing rain expected for Friday night and Saturday morning. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
Wishing you all a Happy Day! tree


Gerry
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1135945
12/21/17 07:50 AM
12/21/17 07:50 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Morning Boomers santa

Joe, enjoy your weather.

Ana, have a great time with the dogs.

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Wishing everybody a wonderful, peaceful and happy day! yay12


Gail
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1135949
12/21/17 08:34 AM
12/21/17 08:34 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
santadance Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Thump Day. We are going out to look at the Christmas lights tonight. tree Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. reindeer


Connie
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1135964
12/21/17 10:39 AM
12/21/17 10:39 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,658
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,658
Alabama
Happy Thump Day everyone ... getting new furnace and a/c today

wave12


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1135993
12/21/17 12:51 PM
12/21/17 12:51 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Yukky. I spent a restless night trying to get comfy with my knee injury from yesterday's fall. It's not really serious I guess, but all the muscles around the knee are screaming. Kneecap very tender to the touch. Weakness is the worst since I have to go up and down a few steps in my house. Scrape on my nose is red and obvious, but since I'm not entering any beauty pageants this week, I guess it's OK. Walking very carefully today. No bruising seen this morning. Guess I'm in better shape than I thought. Hope this muscle pain goes away soon, hate adding this to the already weak knees (arthritis). Thank goodness I don't have any pressing engagements this week. I'm watching where I walk and trying not to rush around. Sigh.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1135998
12/21/17 01:15 PM
12/21/17 01:15 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
fighting with toyrus about my money, but i guess they will keep my money i cannot get throught to fixed it, i finally fixed it. cool lab puppy no i didn't fix it. toyrus stole my money.

Last edited by family; 12/22/17 05:35 AM.
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1136040
12/22/17 12:32 AM
12/22/17 12:32 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
Nighty night...


Don't feed the Trolls
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