Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push. A smile. A world of optimism and hope. A 'you can do it' when things are tough.
~Richard M. DeVos~
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A panda walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food!" The panda yells back, "Hey man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to panda, "A tree climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats, shoots, and leaves."
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Q: How come oysters never donate to charity?
A: Because they are shellfish.
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Q: Why do the French eat snails?
A: They don't like fast food.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a wedding cake.
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A fat man goes into a fast food restaurant and orders his food. The cashier says that it will be a minute or two for his food. Finally his food is ready. The cashier hands the food to the fat guy and tells him, "Sorry about your weight."
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Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”
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Two old friends crossed paths after not seeing one another for almost a decade.
Lonnie: "What are you doing these days?"
Jack: "PHD."
Lonnie: "Wow! You're a doctor!"
Jack: "No, Pizza Home Delivery."
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Q: How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A: Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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A man walks into a bar and sits down. He asks the bartender, "Can I have a cigarette?" The bartender replies, "Sure, the cigarette machine is over there." So he walks over to the machine and as he is about to order a cigarette, the machine suddenly says, "Oy, you bloody idiot." The man says with surprise in his voice, "That's not very nice." He returns to his bar stool without a cigarette and asks the bartender for some peanuts. The bartender passes the man a bowl of peanuts and the man hears one of the peanuts speak, "Ooh, I like your hair." The man says to the bartender, "Hey, what's going on here? Your cigarette machine is insulting me and this peanut is coming on to me. Why's that?" The bartender replies, "Oh, that's because the machine is out of order and the peanuts are complementary."
Oy!
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Q: How do you get a blond on the roof?
A: You tell her the food is on the house.
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Waiter: "Do you want any dessert?"
Teddy Bear: "No Thanks. I'm Stuffed!"
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Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Another one bites the dust.
It's official folks. We hit 200 degrees here today.
I roasted a chicken on the sidewalk.
I caught it after it crossed the road into my yard.
I had to buy new tires today. The tires on my truck all melted.
I'll probably wrap them in cooling towels before I go anywhere tomorrow.
Have a great Thursday everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Ana wishing you a stress free day. 
Hope everything is better for you today. Coffee and tea are ready.
