We don't bother much about dress and manners in England, because as a nation we don't dress well and we've no manners.
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950), "You Never Can Tell" (1898), act I
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There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say theline 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again.
Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and using just one finger he delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."
The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"
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Things We Learnd From The Movies*During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
*All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
*Beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman; but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
*The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty
*Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
*A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
*Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
*If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
*Cars that crash will invariably burst into flames.
*Stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.
*If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.
*Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
*A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.
*All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts, so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
*When in love, it is customary to burst into song.
*When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.
*One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man.
*If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water.
*Laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of an invading alien civilization.
*Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating accident.
*All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of software.
*Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
*When they are alone, foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
*If you are a hero, you never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by your actions.
*You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
*Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
*You can tell if somebody is British because he will be wearing a bow tie.
*When driving a car, it is normal to look not at the road but rather at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the entire journey.
*Taxi drivers don't require exact or even approximate payment - the first bill you pull from your pocket is always correct.
*Having a job of any kind will make a father forget his son's eighth birthday.
*Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before retirement.
*The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.
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A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain. As it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun watching him to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him. As a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars for some hanky panky. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and she asked how the party was. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to was the life of the party. He told me that my costume helped him get very lucky with one of the ladies. How was your evening?"
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Good morning everyboomie.
Happy day happy day. I finally got back to a real weekend.
Did I mention I'm happy?
Well that's enough of that. My feet are screaming "It's about time Dopy."
They're not happy feet, but then they're always kinda moody.
Understandable when they're always being stepped on.
I think I'll soak in my hot tub today.
You're all welcome to join me.
It's an Okie hot tub, which means it's a one foot galvanized wash tub sitting out in the Oklahoma sun, which is pretty darned hot.
Hotter than any of the other suns.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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Hi Gerry and Haroula and everyone who comes through the door of the diner today. Joe thanks for the BB pancakes, yum-m-m-m. I have to get through a medical procedure this morning. My best friend is gonna drive me there and drive me home after. I need a few good thoughts that they don't find anything. See you later.
Have an easy peasy day!
Are you being nice to your sister?
And a "Hi mom, I'm alive" call from eldest. And of course a "How was your birthday?" call to daughter.
Hope all is well. You amaze me L4L. With all that's going on in your life you always have time to walk your babies. Sharon my prayers and good thoughts are on their way. Nan thanks for your BOA. You never fail me.