Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open.
Elmer G. Letterman
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There's an English man, Irish man and a Scotsman. They're being chased by a policeman. They see this old warehouse so they run in. Inside there are 3 empty sacks on the floor. They each jump in a sack. In comes the copper and see's these three bundles on the floor. Goes up to the first one and kicks it. The English man shout out, "Woof Woof", and the copper thinking it's just an old dog leaves it and kicks the second sack. The Scotsman yells out, "Me-ow me-ow", he leaves this one as well thinking its just an old cat. He walks over to the last sack and kicks it, and the Irish man yells out.. "Potatoes Potatoes..!"
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There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty
scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the
Johnson Farm."
The other cow replies, "Hell, I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."
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A man goes into a restaurant with his wife. The waiter approaches the table and asks for their order. "I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," he says.
"But sir, what about the mad cow?!" asks the waiter.
"Oh," answers the man, "she'll order for herself."
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A nice young man wanted to purchase a Christmas
gift for his new sweetheart. As they had not been dating very long,
after some careful consideration, he decided that a pair of elegant winter gloves would strike just the right note - romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to a
fine department store and chose a pair of lovely white fur-lined gloves. The sister did her own shopping, buying a pair of panties for herself.
While the clerk was wrapping the items, she got the boxes mixed up, and gave the gloves to the sister and gift-wrapped the panties for the young man.
The young man sealed the package without noticing and sent it to his sweetheart, who opened it on Christmas to find his enclosed note:
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she demonstrated the short ones she wears that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from
Showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked very sharp.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming
year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love.
(P.S... The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
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A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The man groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.
Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Sam," the man moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied... "The balcony."
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Heaven is when you have:
* An American salary.
* A british home.
* Chinese food.
* A Swiss economy.
* An Italian body.
* A Japanese technology.
* An African tool.
* An Indian wife.
Hell is when you have:
* An American wife.
* A british body.
* A chinese tool.
* Swiss food.
* An Italian technology.
* A Japanese home.
* An african economy.
* An Indian salary.
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Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
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Good morning everyboomie.
This character is keeping the diner doors open for you.
I hope you all have a thumping good Thursday.
I'm going to do some chores, like washing my pom poms and pink mini skirt.
Have a happy day all.
joe
acebook
witter
Doc 
Come on down...we have plenty, and I must say, the meat was tender and the sauce was spicy. 
