If you aren’t going to say something directly to someone’s face, than don’t use online as an opportunity to say it. It is this sense of bravery that people get when they are anonymous that gives the blogosphere a bad reputation.
Mena Trott, Times Online, 12-06-06
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A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
[dramatic pause]
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters."
"They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
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A woman was distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in
quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so
she decided to seek the medical expertise of the well known Chinese sex
therapist, Dr. Chang.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your
crose." The woman did as she was told.
"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room." Again, the
woman did as she was instructed.
Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me..." As she
did, Dr. Chang shook his head slowly.
"Your probrem velly bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see.
Dat why you not haf sex or dates."
The woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary
Disease?"
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and eplied: "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face
look Ed Zachary like your butt."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two girls were hired to clean a big house.
The owners left for work and there was nobody home, so they decided to take their clothes off.
They worked naked for a few hours, when they heard the door-bell.
"Who is it?", one of the asked.
"It's a blind-man", answered the man from outside. Since they realized he couldn't see them anyway, they decided to stay the way they were.
They opened the door, and the man said: "Hi, nice body! where do you want the blinds?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, ''I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.
She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.''
''Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.''
She responds, ''Well, let's see what we can do about that: first, you have to be single and second, you must be Catholic.''
The cab driver is very excited and says, ''Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!''
The nun says ''OK, pull into the next alley.''
He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. ''My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?''
''Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.''
The nun says, ''That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party.''
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park.
He sat down on a bench and began eating.
A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him. Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man.
The blind man handled the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, "Who wrote this stuff?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Irish-man finds a bottle in his garden, and when he rubs it, a genie comes out.
"You have three whishes", the genie says.
The Irish-man thinks for a little while, and then he says: "i would like to have a bottle of the finest whisky in the world, and that no matter how much i drink from it, it will never empty".
Immediately after finishing his sentence, a bottle of great whisky falls into the irishman's hand.
He starts drinking it, taking one big gulp after another.
But then, after finishing drinking, he finds that the bottle is still completely full.
"Well, what are your next two wishes?", asks the jiny.
"I would like two more bottles just like that one!", answers the irish-man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the weekstart with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant.
"It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
What comes after the weekend?
The end of the world of course.
Don't fall apart, I'm kidding. It's not really the end of the world.
I've had my main spring rewound, and I'm good for another.............
.........................3 days.
Then I have a nuther day off.........THANKSGIVING!!!!!
THEN it's the end of the world.
That's why it's been christened 'Black Friday'.
You have 5 days left, if my calculations are correct.
That's if you count Friday when everyone will be running around, screaming, fighting over BF deals.
I could be wrong though. I never got past remedial math, but hey the Mayans missed it too.
Monday and Tuesday are 5:00 starts, so I'm puttin this out there early for ya.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
it's always funny to watch when they first get something like that.
here 
but fortunately not very much.
