You're alive. Do something. The directive in life, the moral imperative was so uncomplicated. It could be expressed in single words, not complete sentences. It sounded like this: Look. Listen. Choose. Act.
Barbara Hall, A Summons to New Orleans, 2000
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Great as humor, bad as ads...2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Sheppard and an Alaskan Hussy.
Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Man, honest. Will take anything.
Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
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Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale
3 year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
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Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale
3 year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia ..
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
By the time I got my leotards on, The class was over.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For Fast Relief".
THE SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
What time is it?
IT'S HOWDY JOEY TIME!
It isn't worth a dime.
Not....a....dime.
Trading under the ticker symbol GYCD1 it's currently trading at .0569 per share....as of 5:00CDT.
Currently awaiting a hostile takeover, but just pretty darned sure that ain't gonna happen.
If you tune to channel 9, which is FOX channel here, you can watch Frakenstein or Bride of Frankenstein, or something else and enjoy your morning.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
so exhausted after work. so here i am now! It's 6 in the morning here, drinking my coffee and surfing the web. 
Hope it clears up for you soon so you and your dogs can have nice weather.
Hope all goes well with your stress test. 
They said I took the gold star for the month on lasting the longest. I'm off to run the dogs now.