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Tuesday's #951467
04/21/14 08:30 PM
04/21/14 08:30 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'
Ronnie Shakes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The truths about life, that little children have learnt:

1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10. The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

The great truths about life, that adults have learnt:

1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2. Wrinkles don't hurt.
3. Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5. Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

Great truths about growing old:

1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5. It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6. Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~


Funny Quips


Benny: Who's your favourite fiction writer?
Murray: My accountant.

When one is at home . . . he dreams of adventure.
When one is on an adventure . . . he dreams of home.

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything,
the young know everything.

How do you tickle a rich girl?
Say, "Gucci Gucci Gucci!"

Surely, the finest teachers of creativity, persistence,
and unconditional love, are children.

My friend, single handedly, tries to save the economy
every time she goes shopping.

It's not the extreme right or left that will take us
to hell in a hand basket. It's the vast, indifferent middle.

During these colder months it's important to conserve energy.
I try and do my part by laying on the sofa watching TV all day.

Men are like toilets.
Either: Vacant, Engaged or full of cr--.

My husband goes to a female dentist just for the novelty
of hearing a woman tell him to open his mouth.

Scientists report that dieters lost brain cells
as well as body weight. It's a case of think or slim!

The reason why children are so happy is now obvious to me:
they don't have any children of their own to worry about.

Why do they give you a watch when you retire when it's
the first time in your life you really don't care what time it is?

Why do they tell you the temperature at the airport?
Nobody I know lives at the airport.

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor
and campaign funds from the rich.

If all our National holidays were observed on Wednesdays,
we might just wind up with nine-day weekends.

I explained the facts of life to my teenagers tonight.
My insulin keeps me alive; my Prozac keeps them alive.

An argument with my husband tends to make me want to clean something...
With his toothbrush.
~~~~~~~~~~

Funny Puns


1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


It's back to work at 6am for me which means I'll be up at the crack of dark, 4:30. razz


Fun Fun Fun......................................seriously. taz


At 7:30 I'm rapidly approaching my bed time. sleep


I'm glad I'm still young and can stay up late without it affecting me that much. snicker


Some old people go to bed at like 6:00 in the evening. rolleyes


Aww that's crazy man. crazy


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 04/21/14 08:34 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951484
04/21/14 11:56 PM
04/21/14 11:56 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe and all! No dog runs today, it's a corner day and a doctor appt. If all goes well I will go to dance class at night but I have a feeling it's not in the cards for me.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951485
04/22/14 12:04 AM
04/22/14 12:04 AM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Hi Ya Joe~ have a happy day happydance


was a nice sunny day today cool


Hi Ana how's yor pups doing? lab
are they staying healthy? are you getting to ride
your pretty new bike much? smile

Our church was on the news again and I was seen again rolling by behind Gail who was talking I'm famous! lol

The President of the United states is coming to our
town tomorrow!!!!!!!! scared woozy shocked
wow that would be sooo cool to meet him cool



http://www.krem.com/video?id=256003701&sec=566442&ref=rcvidmod





Have a great day Boomers~ Karen chocobunny


"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951491
04/22/14 01:17 AM
04/22/14 01:17 AM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
hiya ,everyone !

joe , your puns were wonderful ! hope you have a fantabulous day !

everyone else ,have a wonderful day ,and hope spring is headed for you if you don't have it to enjoy already !

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951493
04/22/14 01:32 AM
04/22/14 01:32 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning boomers,have all a great day. happydance wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951499
04/22/14 05:03 AM
04/22/14 05:03 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Karen, niteowl and Haroula. Joe love the funnies. Ana good luck at the doctor. Hope all is well with you. Niteowl have a nice day. Haroula enjoy your day too. Coffee is ready happy Day wished for at GB! wave wave


Gerry
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951505
04/22/14 06:52 AM
04/22/14 06:52 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Sandy and I joined the Senior center. This morning we have Silver sneakers and then an exercise class in the therapy pool. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Tuesday. Danish and Waffles in the NC. lab


Connie
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951541
04/22/14 09:23 AM
04/22/14 09:23 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Good morning boomers. Thanks for the chuckles Joe. Hope everyone has a great day smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951556
04/22/14 09:53 AM
04/22/14 09:53 AM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 13,583
Palouse country
3dobermans Offline
Adept Boomer
3dobermans  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 13,583
Palouse country
Morning all; seems to be a rain day so that must mean its a game day.
Off to coffee first though; I should say in a couple hours.
So may all have a great day and hope the sun shines for you.


Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body - Joseph Addison
Re: Tuesday's [Re: 3dobermans] #951560
04/22/14 09:59 AM
04/22/14 09:59 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your work day goes smoothly! Happy Tuesday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951573
04/22/14 11:03 AM
04/22/14 11:03 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe early to go then early to leave! May work go well. Thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

Ana best of luck with the doc appointment! HUGS! May the project move right along for you and the puzzles be easy!! Have a lovely day!

Karen that is soooo wonderful!!! Thanks for the link! Maybe you will be able to get a glimpse of the president today!! Have a lovely day!

niteowl good to see your post!! Hope all is well there. Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Oh Connie that is great!!! You should like it and it just might be good therapy!! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Trippy, yup rainy days mean gaming days, enjoy! Have a lovely day!

Darlene may work all go smoothly and you have a lovely day!

Abbi day!!!

wave
Nan

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951580
04/22/14 11:49 AM
04/22/14 11:49 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll lab

The doggies and I were up and out early. Now racing to post and then pop to the vet with Seagy. She is getting a blood test and a check up prior to starting a modified chemo program. I feel almost sick at the thought, but everyone else seems to think we should give it one more try. Keoki is going along to get a K-Laser treatment. He was a little laggy this morning on our walk. It wasn't hot out, so must be time for a little K-laser love.

Then home to makes air freshener, shampoo, and body wash, and jerky for the doggies. What else the day brings depends on how tired I am...lol. wave

Doc, daughter has a pic with the President. She was very excited.

Connie, sounds like a great move for you.

Nan, have fun with Abbi wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951583
04/22/14 12:32 PM
04/22/14 12:32 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day........sing it to that familiar tune. And that's all there is to post today. Except I,m 2 hours behind in the daily housework ritual.

Happy Tuesday all


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951604
04/22/14 02:22 PM
04/22/14 02:22 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Ah Yankee, housework will always be there. Go do something fun!

Back from the vet. Seagy got a good report. Now waiting on a call from AU. My tummy is full. I need to practice some alchemy and then see what the day brings. wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951630
04/22/14 04:41 PM
04/22/14 04:41 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951642
04/22/14 06:09 PM
04/22/14 06:09 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon boomies! It's been a very hectic day, but taking a breather soon. Doc appt went well. I just had a full body skin cancer check and all was well. yay One project is turned in, just just have to finish the other one. I couldn't sleep last night, so it has been a really long day.

Sam and her hubby are meeting us for dinner tonight at our favorite local restaurant. She is at the doctors office to hear the babys heartbeat for the first time. Happy time for them.

Connie, that is great you signed up to do some group activities. It boosts your mood to get out and be active. hearts

be back...


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951648
04/22/14 07:45 PM
04/22/14 07:45 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
thumbsup Ana...such an exciting day for Sam. wave

edit: Time to move ops up the stairs, feed the dogs, wash the mom, and hit the bed with a book. See ya'll tomorrow. Sweet dreams all sleep

Last edited by looney4labs; 04/22/14 09:37 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951670
04/22/14 10:14 PM
04/22/14 10:14 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Well, I'm late checking in as usual. Been a busy day. Split shift again but I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I needed to buy a new Garmin as my old one quit today. I'm hoping that I know enough about the new one to get me to my Mom's in East Longmeadow Ma. We'll see. I'm a little nervous about the trip but I have faith that it will get me there and bring me back.

Ana I'm so happy for you and Sam. I can remember the feeling.
I'm calling it a day now. no more energy. See you in the morning.

Midgie hearts sleep chocobunny bunny spring taz yay broccoli


Just do it.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951672
04/22/14 10:36 PM
04/22/14 10:36 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
My sister gave Sam a photo frame that records the babies heartbeat so she brought it to dinner and we heard it loud and clear! It was like being there. yay Her next appt they gave permission for 5 of us to be in there with her when they do the 3D ultrasound to see if it's an AnnaBelle or not. grin


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #951680
04/22/14 11:58 PM
04/22/14 11:58 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!

Midge prayers for the Band around you tomorrow as you travel to visit your mom!!!

sleep
Nan

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