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Black TGIF #990559
11/28/14 01:49 AM
11/28/14 01:49 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Men who never get carried away should be.
Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990)
~~~~~~~

An elderly man and his wife decided to separate. Before being
allowed to do so legally, the Family Court insisted they undergo some
counselling from the marriage guidance mob, to see if their union could be
saved.
The counselor did her best, but to no avail. The old folk were absolutely determined to go through with separation leading to divorce.
Finally, in some desperation, the counselor said: "But you're 95 and your wife is 93. You've been married for 72 years! Why do you want to separate now??"
To which the wife replied: "We haven't been able to stand each other for the last 46 years. But we thought we should wait until all the children died before we split up."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tragically, three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the gates of heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter.

"When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" asks St. Peter.

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look! He's moving!"
~~~~~~~~~~`


An old woman is riding a crowded bus and has to stand with her heavy packages. Finally, someone in front of her gives up a seat and so she grabs it.
"Thank God," she says.
A man in the seat behind her says "Ecxuse me comerade, but this is an athiest society. You should say 'Thank Stalin,' not 'Thank God.'"
"Of course you are right," the old woman says. "Thank Stalin." She is silent for a moment, then says: "Comerade, I have just had a terrible thought:
What shall we say when Stalin dies?"
The man behind her replies "In that case I think we can say 'Thank God.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So you want a day off.

Let's take a look at what you are asking for.
There are 365 days per year available for work.
There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.
You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.
You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work.
We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.
We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be damned if you are going to take that day off!
~~~~~~~~~~~

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.

"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"

"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the
manager asked.

"That's the one!"

"That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that
monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?"

"Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me."
~~~~~~~~~~


Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.

Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.

The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."

"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
~~~~~~~~~~~~

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leave her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.

Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.

Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.

They ask,"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you pass gas, and I think I'm about to explode."
~~~~~~~~~~

One day an out of work mime was visiting the zoo, where he attempted to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he started to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabbed him and dragged him into his office.

The zookeeper explained to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla named Sparky, had died suddenly and the keeper was worried that attendance at the zoo would fall off without him. The zookeeper offered the mime a job to dress up as Sparky until they could get a new gorilla. The mime accepted.

The next morning, the mime put on a gorilla suit and entered the cage before the crowd arrived. He discovered that it was a great job! He could sleep all he wanted, play and make fun of people and he was drawing bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime.

However, eventually the crowds tired of him, and he was getting bored just swinging on tires. He began to notice that the people were paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbed to the top of his cage, crawled across a partition, and dangled from the top over the lion's cage. Of course, this made the lion furious, but the crowd loved it. At the end of the day the zoo keeper was thrilled, and even gave the mime a raise for being such a good attraction.

This went on for some time, the mime kept taunting the lion, the crowds grew larger, and his salary kept going up. Then one terrible day when he was dangling over the furious lion, he lost his grip and fell. The mime was terrified. The lion gathered itself and prepared to pounce. The mime was so scared that he began to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. When no help came, and the crowd looked on in shock, the mime started screaming and yelling.

Help, Help me!" he screamed, but the lion was too quick and pounced. The mime found himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion, who was just inches away from his face when he whispered, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?
~~~~~~~~~~~~



Good morning everyboomie. welcome


It's hard for me to thank God it's Black Friday. thumbsdown


For a retail person that would be blasphemy, but I still TGIFriday, although I have to work Saturday as well. bravo


I don't work until 2:00pm, but it's almost midnight Thursday, and I need to get to bed. tired


I had a great Thanksgiving with Shane and his family, but we got back late, and then I talked to my sons for a good while, which is why it's so late now. woot


Friday will be a very long day. razz


Have a happy day everyone. rah



joe thumbsup


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Black TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #990561
11/28/14 02:32 AM
11/28/14 02:32 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning,have a calm Black Friday,everyone. lol happydance wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Black TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #990569
11/28/14 06:04 AM
11/28/14 06:04 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
turkey Good Morning Joe, Haroula and All! Nice you had a great Thanksgiving Joe. Haroula are you shopping today? Coffee is ready for everyone wanting an early start this Black Friday! Enjoy the Day! turkey


Gerry
Re: Black TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #990573
11/28/14 07:32 AM
11/28/14 07:32 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers lab

Joe, it's going to be a busy day for you. Hope it's not too stressful.

Haroula, happy day to you!

Gerry, coffee3 will be needed this morning. Hope your day is good.

Wishing everyone a great day. To those who venture out shopping today I'm wishing you all find your bargains. luck


Gail
Re: Black TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #990579
11/28/14 08:01 AM
11/28/14 08:01 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, my Black Friday was last night. lol Still have to go to work this morning, though. Hope it flies by for you.

Enjoy your day as well, Gerry.

Have a great Friday, Gail.

Well, I just left work last night, and I'm off to whoosh there once again this morning. Hopefully the crowds from last night have died down somewhat so I can actually work on my projects. crazy

Okay, have to run. Have a great day, everyone. turkey


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Black TGIF [Re: venus] #990583
11/28/14 09:04 AM
11/28/14 09:04 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good morning everyone. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Black TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #990603
11/28/14 11:35 AM
11/28/14 11:35 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
:cryNo Black Friday here. cry


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Black TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #990609
11/28/14 12:30 PM
11/28/14 12:30 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Interesting that it's Black Friday and so far no reports of mayhem or slaughter in my area. Last year was a mess. I'm so grateful so far for nothing bad to report.

All quiet outside. Very very quiet. Everyone must be at the shopping centers. I'm hiding until it's all over.

I am planning on eating the rest of my Edward's Frozen Pumpkin Pie. It's reallllly good. Like the other cream pies from that brand, but light pumpkin flavor. Yummmm.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Black TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #990612
11/28/14 12:54 PM
11/28/14 12:54 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Peaceful day today but not yesterday and that's for sure. Yesterday: Everything in the oven, kits' turkey my butternut squash and purple yam and German dressing. So I called my Niagara Falls cousin and I turned off the oven because time's almost up. Talking then all of a sudden the stove started a spunky dance and clink clack bang slam gooble gobble................what's going on? I pulled on the oven door and no go. Holy Toledo!!! This whole week's thing is in the oven and and and and the cats............Oh My. Cousin Laura, 1200 miles away calmly said wait for tomorrow and call somebody strong to open it or get a crowbar and a very heavy hammer and a saw and open that sucker. It's great to have smart cousins. Finished conversation. Got in front of stove and prayed then did a staccatoed Celtic war dance and the door opened!!!! So a happy Thanksgiving enjoyed by all.

So today we start all over again. Another fine day and tonight's supposed to be mild. I'll be taking the day off and do what I want.

My family enjoyed their vegan dinner in Tulsa and will spend a week in T. and Dallas. Good

Happy Friday


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Black TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #990613
11/28/14 12:56 PM
11/28/14 12:56 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe I hope that the crowds aren't too bad for you when you head out to work. Maybe they will all be done by then and home napping. lol Thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

Haroula sorry you miss out on all those "deal" but then maybe you are better off. I was going to go but....had no way there so I guess I didn't need anything. duh Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee. Are you going out in the crowds? Have a lovely day!

Gail sounds like you are staying in and not doing the crowd thing. Have a lovely day!

venus you should have just put a cot in the back. lol May work go smoothly for you today and be fun!! Have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!

Sorta glad all's quiet on the home front at the moment and hope it continues! Have a lovely day!

Yankee that had to be scary!!! eek So glad that the prayer and dance worked for opening the oven door. happydance Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Black TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #990615
11/28/14 01:25 PM
11/28/14 01:25 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I'm off to daughters to pick up a dining room table and chairs and then delivering them to son in the city. All in all 120 miles round trip. Lol. Daughter live the opposite direction of son. Hope you all are enjoying your Friday!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Black TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #990620
11/28/14 01:44 PM
11/28/14 01:44 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,028
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,028
Unionville
Good afternoon boomers. Hope everyone is having a fantastic Friday smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Black TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #990625
11/28/14 02:00 PM
11/28/14 02:00 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

I just finished a plate of turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, and gravy for breakfast and lunch. Gotta love the once-a-year food!

We are watching/listening to the Nebraska football game, to be followed later with some family game time.

I feel a nap coming. Slept for an hour last night and then woke up wide awake. Was up til 5 or so. I'm sure my brain is going to come to a screeching halt pretty quickly today. wave

You couldn't give anything away that would make me brave the crowds today. Hope those that do get some great deals, and that those who work retail survive it luck

Edit: Just finished a game of Star Wars Monopoly with the guys...Soot whooped us soundly! Enjoyed a heavy nap earlier. wave

Last edited by looney4labs; 11/28/14 09:51 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Black TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #990656
11/28/14 10:30 PM
11/28/14 10:30 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Nan, putting a cot in the back sounds like exactly the right thing to do. lol

Okay, off to sleep to prepare for yet another work day in the morning. Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Black TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #990657
11/28/14 10:42 PM
11/28/14 10:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Saying good night to all. I worked this morning... What a mess I arrived to. Wow. I did what I could to clean up after a Thanksgiving dinner at the Blisses. I couldn't finish every thing I wanted to but there was only one of me so I did what I could. I talked to the next caregiver and explained why I left so much work. She was so understanding.

I hope you all had a good day today. See you in the morning.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
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