May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin
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At 8 years old....you put milk in your glass
At 18 years old....you put beer in your glass
At 80 years old.... you put your teeth in your glass
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Having had to take the day off work to appear in court for a minor traffic summons, the man was growing increasingly restless as he waited hour after hour for his case to be heard.
Finally, late in the afternoon, his case was called. He stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned until the next day and he would have to return.
"What!" What for?" he yelled at the judge.
His Honor, equally irritated by a tedious day and the sharp query, roared, "That will be twenty dollars for contempt of court! That's what for!"
Noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge added, "That's all right. You don't have to pay right now."
The man replied, "Oh, I'm just looking to see if I have enough for two more words!"
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A drunk walks into a bar, sits down and demands a drink.
"Get out" says the bartender. "I don't serve drunks here".
The drunk staggers out the front door, only to come back in through the side door. He sits at the bar, bangs his fist and demands a drink.
"I just told you to get out, didn't I? Now LEAVE!".
The drunk gets off his stool, stumbles out the side door and, comes back inside through the back door. Once again, he sits at the bar and loudly asks for a drink.
The bartender, now glowing mad, looks at the drunk and yells "I TOLD YOU, NO DRUNKS ALLOWED, NOW GET OUT!!!".
The drunk looks up at the bartender and slurs "How many bars do you work at, anyway?".
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After looking for love in all the wrong places, a man returns from the Middle
East and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately
rushed to the Hospital to undergo tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room
at the hospital. No one is around, but the phone by his
bed rings.
"This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests and we've
found you have an extremely contagious and nasty STD called 'G.A.S.H.' It's a
combination of Gonorrhea, AIDS, Syphilis, and Herpes!"
"Oh, my gosh," cried the man, "What are you going to do, doctor?"
"Well, we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas,
pancakes, and pita bread."
"Will that cure me???" asked the man.
The doctor replied, "Well no, but....they're the only foods we can get under
the door."
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A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor.
The patient replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"
The doctor inquired, "And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?"
"Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb."
The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?"
"What? And work in the dark?"
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Young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
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A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York
and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing
over a beautiful bed of red roses.
"Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That
poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can
help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked,
"What are you doing, my friend?"
"Fishin', sir."
"Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with
me?"
The old man stood, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger
to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of vodka and a fine
cigar.
His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man,
and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today?"
The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke
ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"
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There was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived
in London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed
to communicate with her husband.
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day,
she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know
how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt
to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home
with chicken legs.
The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know
how say it, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her
breast. The lady got what she wanted.
The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way
to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
(Please scroll the page down)
What were you thinking?
Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!!!!!
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's FRIDAY!!
I hope you're all geared up and ready for the weekend.
Ana I hope you are unblocked now from getting to Gameboomers on your computer.
I'm ready for whatever the day brings.......much like today.
The weather is getting really nice now, but we're still supposed to hit 90 degrees for the next two days.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Who'd have thought you could do that! 
Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Joe are weather is the opposite. Right now the temperature is only forty degrees and the high for today will get up to about 65 degrees! Ana glad to hear you are "unlocked"! Coffee and tea are ready. 
hope you have a quiet evening