Monday's Music

Posted by: gymcandy1

Monday's Music - 09/30/12 07:31 PM

It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time.
Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

One morning a man came into the church on crutches.

He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.

An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.

"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said.

"Tell me where is this man now?"

"Flat on his back over by the holy water," said the boy.

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.

Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm.

They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them. The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean.

The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.

That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.

Mr. Smith comes to his wife, "Honey, could you be sewing on a wee button that's come off of my fly? I cannot button my pants."

"Oh Dear ... I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if Mrs. Jones could be helping you with it."

About five minutes later there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling and the sound of a body falling down the stairs. Walking back in the door with a blackened eye and a bloody nose comes Mr. Smith.

Mrs. Smith looks at him and says, "My god, what happened to you? Did you ask her like I told you?"

"Yeah," says Mr. Smith. "I asked her to sew on the wee button and she did.

Everything was going fine but when she bent on to bite off the wee thread, Mr. Jones walked in..."

That's a wee bit funny, and a wee bit risque.
It may be a wee bit risky to post a wee bit risque joke.

We'll see in a wee bit I guess.

Little Susie, a six year old , complained:"Mother, I've got a stomach ache."

"That's because our stomach is empty", the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."

That afternoon her daddy came complaining that he had a severe headache all day.

Susie perked up: " That's because your head is empty daddy." she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning."

At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.

The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."

Nurse: How old are you?
Patient: None of your business.
Nurse: But the doctor must know your age for his records.
Patient: Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?
Nurse: Yes. Fifty.
Patient: All right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?
Nurse: Zero.
Patient: Right. And that's exactly the chance of me telling you my age.

Good morning everyboomie. wave

When the sun comes up I'll be half way through my morning. happydance

At 9am I'll be half way through my work day. woot

At 2pm I'll be free for the day. penguin

At 2:15 I'll be home and happy. yay

Maybe at 2:13.

That's day one..........of six. rolleyes

I've heard this song before. razz

It's de'ja vu all over again. think

Have a happy day everyone.


Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday's Music - 09/30/12 07:55 PM

lol No edit from me Joe. I hope the day flies by for you!

I am housebound till my computer gets here. It's on the truck for delivery so I hope it's early. At night I have my Salsa Funk class. yay I told hubby he has to come home from work when it gets here to help me get it set up on the network but he didn't bite. I can't wait to have it all set up and ready to work. yay

Have a great day everyone!
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 03:10 AM

Good morning boomers have all a great
day wave
Posted by: venus

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 05:52 AM

Good morning and have a great day Joe, Ana, Haroula and all who come in after me. wave

Off for yet another work whoosh. Fiance is working overnights for a month, which means he's still at work now and will be sleeping when I get home. crazy Our schedules are going to be out of whack for a little while.

As for now, off to feed my kitties and finish getting ready. Have a great Monday, everyone. cat
Posted by: Midge

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 06:18 AM

Good morning. I'm hoping for a couple of days in the 70's as my heat hasn't been turned on yet. My landlady won't be back from vacation until the fourth. It's a bit chilly in here. I asked her daughter if she could turn the heat on but she doesn't know how to. The weather forecast says 70's for a few more days. We've had rain all weekend so it was getting very chilly in my apartment. OK. Enough about that. How is everyone doing so far? I'm good. Getting ready to get ready for work. I'm hoping my client feels better this morning. She has quite a cold, poor thing.

Have a good day everyone. See you this afternoon. smile

Midgie hearts
Posted by: connie

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 07:44 AM

Good morning everyone. Bank day today. Thanks to all for the prayers for those affected by the shooting. They have not released any new news yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish and French Toast in the NC. summer
Posted by: GBC

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 07:51 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope 2pm comes quickly for you today.

Ana, hope your computer gets to you soon. Have fun at the Salsa Funk class tonight.

Good morning Haroula.

Venus, hope your schedules will adjust.

Midgie, hope the weather keeps up although I had my heat on early this morning to get the chill out.

To all who come in I'm wishing a wionderful day. I'm pampering a wicked head cold this morning. Just going to relax and catch up on my gaming today.

Connie, missed you again this morning. Have a great day!
Posted by: SharonB

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 09:30 AM

Good morning Gameboomers!

Joe, can't be sure but it looks like a fast day to me lol

Ana, It's wonderful that your computer is finally arriving. happydance Let us know what you think of it when you test it out. Enjoy your salsa!

Good morning Haroula and Venus! wave

Good morning Midgie! Yikes! Rainy, chilly and no heat! Hope it stays warm enough for you till your heater is turned on. Try not to catch cold!

Good morning Connie - French Toast... bravo I was wishing for Waffles this morning but French Toast sounds better. smile

Gail - Sorry about the head cold and hope you start feeling better soon! smile

Plans for the day are taking a morning walk and doing some stuff I had been putting off. I'll see how far my legs will take me before I have to turn around and head home catrub
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 09:59 AM

Magnificent Monday Ya'll puppy

It's raining again puppy and since we need it, we're happy about it.

Today we will be doing a few errands. Most prominent will be getting my truck somewhere to get it fixed. I haven't driven it as son says it died repeatedly on him . Hubby will take a look at it and then I expect we will take it to the dealer. Our car guy retired unexpectedly. We really need to find a new car guy.

I'll also be doing some laundry, but right now I'm just tyring to convince my brain that it is up. sleepCofeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Lots and lots of coffee please!
Posted by: flutist

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 11:14 AM

Good Monday morning.

A little cool this morning but Cory said it was great.

Had a good time at Susie's yesterday. Took her two corgis and went to Francis Park. There was an art festival there and the dogs enjoyed the walk. They got to meet another corgi. Came back to Susie's house and just snacked for dinner. A fun afternoon.

This Saturday we have a block party to go to, so we are looking forward to that.

Our neighbor, Ginny, is hoping to move back into her house on Oct. 31. Sure hope it is finished so she can. I think we will throw a welcome home party for her.

Please keep Debbie, Susie's best friend, in your prayers. She is having surgery today. Has been diagnosed with cervical cancer. Susie will be circulating nurse.

Coffee time. Have a good day.

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 11:58 AM

Non-stop action around here. New tenants across the street have had phone, cable, internet trucks for a week coming and going. Today it was phone again, but I'm thinking maybe internet something. Dunno, too many to count.

People two doors down across have a U-haul in front of their house, but I don't think it's theirs. Probably from the Apartments. Lots of moving in and out over there, new faces, more cars, less babies seen, drug dealers still there (darn) AND the manager/owner whoever has been hammering upstairs on the 'balcony' for several days. That means he's once again subdividing a room so he can have more money coming in. From what I can tell, he is enclosing the balcony (a 10x6 foot area) and I'll bet it will be rented out soon. Gads, that guy takes in over 12k a MONTH or more. 500 bucks a head for a tiny room with no anything. Bathroom down the hall and no kitchen or laundry facilities, etc. Talk about a flop house.

Off for a haircut. Almost rid of my blonde blonde color (natural but golden)at the very ends and now my hair is turning platinum blonde. Geeeeee. It looks fantastic and no more temporary rinses. My friends are sooo jealous. I'm thrilled. Can't wait to see how it develops. Everyone accuses me of bleaching it that color. happydance
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 03:32 PM



MY FEET HURT!!!!! cry

H'lo ev'body. wave

It feels good to sit down. razz

I debated on whether to go to Mom's or not, and not won. yes

I just want to sit.

I hope you guys are all having a great day. smile

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 03:44 PM

Wooo Hoooo Joe, so glad you've been liberated!

Son just came out of his room to tell us that the Per has ringworm eek Now we are in the midst of sanitizing the house. This happens way too often with those boys sad
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 03:50 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 04:01 PM

Sleep well Haroula sleep
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 04:06 PM

Good afternoon Boomers wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 05:27 PM

Been a busy day here as I have been in and out all day. Just when I think I can sit and rest.....something else pops up. lol

Joe glad work is done for the day. Only five to go!! lol Thanks for the chuckles.

Hope everybody is having a wonderful day!!

Oh No L4l! eek Just what you didn't need.......more work.

Space have a lovely evening.

Ana did it arrive yet?? Have fun with the setup!

Better post before I get called away again. lol

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 06:42 PM

Okay, I can come here and post now that I am done being near tears and lots of head banging. lol
I got the computer bright and early and then proceeded to download everything I needed on it. I spent 4 hours getting my screenshot program to work and finally found advice on a gaming tecj forum. Life is now good. grin

be back
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 06:50 PM

So my friend and I go for our morning walk and are trying to decide where to walk when he crosses the road and I follow. There on the fire hydrant is a little 'booklet'. He glances at it and starts to walk by, but I recognize what it is and insist we pick it up. It was a PASSPORT. Opened to the picture/info page and CURRENT till 2018. Oh yes. So I think for a millisecond and decide we have to turn it in somewhere and am trying to figure out the safest place and then remember that our little post office now has a passport office in it.

I made him pick it up because the outside of it is totally CAKED with greasy/dirty/body odor icky stuff. I didn't wanna touch that. Smelled bad too. I figure it belonged to one of the many transients around here. Mostly they are near the park but they walk up and down our street too with their shopping carts and dig in the trash.

So we get to the post office passport room and there is a line of 5 people waiting at the door to see someone at a counter. Prominently posted all over are signs that say "DO NOT enter or attempt to talk to the clerks". So we get in line and wait and wait. Also there is a sign "appointments only, no walk-ins". Ugh. All I want to do it turn in a passport.

So I make my friend stay in the line which is not moving at all and I go to the post office counter next door and thankfully the lady says she can take it for us. So back I go to the other office and get my friend and have to stand in line at the post office to see the lady again. Double ugh. At least we did our good deed for today. Wow.

I can just imagine what would happen if someone else who could care less found that and sold it or used it themselves. It happens around here so much. Tijuana (Mexican boarder town just 5 miles South) has a booming business in fake credentials.

So I feel better that it's in safe hands. I touched that yukky thing with only two fingertips and still feel 'contaminated'. Icky. My friend doesn't worry about stuff like that, but I made him not touch anything in my house until he washed with antiseptic soap. scared
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Monday's Music - 10/01/12 11:36 PM

Wow!! I thought I had a busy day of in and out. Sure is quiet in here. Everybody must be out to lunch or watching that full moon rise in the sky!! lol

I am heading for my pillow. Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!