Posted By: gymcandy1
Thursday - 10/04/12 03:59 AM
GentleThoughts for Today
Birds of a feather flock together . . . and then c--p on your car.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out
of
her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.
The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and
you
are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the
blonde
says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your
load.
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the
street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks
on
the truck door.
The trucker rolls down the window.. Again she says "Hi, my name is
Heather,
and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next
light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs
back
to the blonde.
He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...
"Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in WISCONSIN and
I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"
So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The School Crossing sign seems to make them go even faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks.
Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain. The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign. It might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers." So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.
It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood: NUDIST COLONY - Go slow and watch out for the chicks!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Now, what wuz I gunna talk about?
At 12:30 at night I'm not really leaning towards a very long dialogue.
I'm rather leaning towards the bedroom actually.
I'm mean I'm really leaning towards the bedroom.
I'm almost horizontal, I'm leaning so much.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
What's that buzzing noise?
I thought I would get the diner started, and then go do some gaming, but I started the post about a half hour ago, and I have a bald spot on my head now from scratching my noggin so much.
I may not have a hair left by the time I finish it.
On the bright side though, I won't have to cut my hair anymore.
On the other side....
..... Oops, it's bright too because of the glare of the sun.
I guess I don't have to worry because it'll be ALL-bright.
Nobody can ever call me Harry either.
They don't call me Harry now though.
Why would they, I'm not Harry?
I'm Confused......and tired.
Have a harry happy day everyboomie.
joe
Birds of a feather flock together . . . and then c--p on your car.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out
of
her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.
The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and
you
are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the
blonde
says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your
load.
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the
street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks
on
the truck door.
The trucker rolls down the window.. Again she says "Hi, my name is
Heather,
and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next
light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs
back
to the blonde.
He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...
"Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in WISCONSIN and
I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"
So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The School Crossing sign seems to make them go even faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks.
Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain. The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign. It might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers." So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.
It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood: NUDIST COLONY - Go slow and watch out for the chicks!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Now, what wuz I gunna talk about?
At 12:30 at night I'm not really leaning towards a very long dialogue.
I'm rather leaning towards the bedroom actually.
I'm mean I'm really leaning towards the bedroom.
I'm almost horizontal, I'm leaning so much.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
What's that buzzing noise?
I thought I would get the diner started, and then go do some gaming, but I started the post about a half hour ago, and I have a bald spot on my head now from scratching my noggin so much.
I may not have a hair left by the time I finish it.
On the bright side though, I won't have to cut my hair anymore.
On the other side....
..... Oops, it's bright too because of the glare of the sun.I guess I don't have to worry because it'll be ALL-bright.
Nobody can ever call me Harry either.
They don't call me Harry now though.
Why would they, I'm not Harry?
I'm Confused......and tired.
Have a harry happy day everyboomie.
joe
Thanks for the chuckles Joe. I know shoeless Joe, but now we can add hairless Joe to the list of famous Joes. 
to her!