Tuesday's Special

Posted by: gymcandy1

Tuesday's Special - 10/08/12 07:48 PM

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Jef Raskin,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, 'Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Top 10 Reasons to go to work without clothes

You’ve always wanted to do it, now here are the top 10 reasons to go to work without clothes!

10. No one ever steals your chair.

9. Gives “bad hair day” a whole new meaning.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they’ve seen where you keep them.

6. So that -with a little help from Muzak- you can add “Exotic Dancer” to your exaggerated resume.

5. You want to see if it’s like the dream.

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

3. “I’d love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants.”

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

…and (drum roll, please) the number one reason to Go To Work without clothes:

1. Your boss is always yelling, “I wanna see your behind in here by 8:00.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nicholas took his four-year-old son, Bryan, to several baseball games where "The Star-Spangled Banner" was sung before the start of each game.

Later, Nicholas and Bryan attended St Bartholomew's church on the Sunday before Independence Day. The congregation sang The Star-Spangled Banner, and after everyone sat down, Bryan suddenly yelled out at the top of his voice, 'Play ball.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Fourth of July weekend was approaching, and Miss Pelham, the nursery school teacher, took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. 'We live in a great country,' she announced. 'One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.'

Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly, 'I'm not free. I'm four.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once, in the 1830's, a little boy was playing in the yard behind his house. During his pretend fighting game, he knocked over the outhouse. Now he was upset and worried that he would get into trouble so he ran into the woods and didn't come out until after got dark. When he arrived back home, his pappy was waiting for him. He asked suspiciously, "Son, did you knock over the outhouse this afternoon?"

"No, pappy," the boy lied.

"Well, let me tell you a story," said the father. "Once, not that long ago, Mr Lincoln received a shiny new axe from his father. Excited, he tried it out on a tree, swiftly cutting it down. But as he looked at the tree, with dismay he realized it was his mother's favorite cherry tree," his pappy paused." just like you, he ran into the woods. When he returned, his pappy asked, 'Abraham, did you cut down the cherry tree?' Abraham answered with, 'Father, I cannot tell a lie. I did indeed chop down the tree.' Then his father said, 'Well, since you were honest with me, you are spared from punishment. I hope you have learned your lesson, though.' So," the little boy's father asked again," did you knock down the outhouse?"

"Pappy, I cannot tell a lie any more." said the little boy. "I did indeed knock down the outhouse."

Then his pappy father spanked Sam boy red, white, and blue. The boy whimpered, "Pappy, I told you the truth! Why did you spank me?"

Pappy answered, "Because son, Abraham Lincoln's father wasn't in the tree when he chopped it down!"


I thought that was George Washington's mother's favorite cherry tree.... headscratch
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A newspaper boy was standing on the corner with a large pile of papers, shouting, "Read all about it. Twenty five people cheated. Twenty five people cheated."

Intrigued, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. What he saw was yesterday's paper. The man said, "Hey, this is an old paper, where's the story about the big swindle?" The newspaper boy ignored him and went on yelling out, "Read all about it. Twenty six people cheated."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What is the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?

A: You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A golf pro dragged himself into the clubhouse looking as though he'd just escaped a tornado.

"What's wrong?" a woman asked.

"I just lost a game to Houlihan," the pro said.

"What? But Houlihan's the worst player I've ever seen. How could he have beaten you?"

"He tricked me," the pro said. "On the first tee, he asked for a handicap. I told him he could have 30, 40, 50 strokes- any handicap he wanted.

He said, 'Just give me two gotchas."

"What's a gotcha?" asked the woman. "That's what I wanted to know," the pro said. "Houlihan said, 'You'll see.' Then, as I was teeing off, just as I had my club poised, he screamed out 'Gotcha!'"

"I can guess what happened," the woman said.

"Sure," the pro said. "The scream threw me off, and I missed the ball completely."

"Understandable," the woman said. "But still, that's only one swing. How did he win the game?"

The pro answered, "You try swinging at a golf ball all day while waiting for that second 'gotcha!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies.

He manages to make contact with Abe the next day.

Abe says, "I can't believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven?"

Max replies, "Well, it's great, but I've got good news, and I've got bad news. The good news is that there's a fantastic orchestra up here, and in fact, we're playing "Sheherezade," your favorite piece, tomorrow night!"

Abe says, "So what's the bad news?"

Max replies, "Well, you're booked to play the solo!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Goo morning everyboomie.

Have you made your New Years resolution(s) yet? razz

We've had Christmas stuff out for almost a month now, so I figured it must be getting close to New Years. snicker

I'd like to get through Halloween first before gearing up for Christmas. rolleyes

I actually had a frost on my windshield yesterday morning. woot

Cool! penguin

No wait........Cold!! shiver

Cold or cool it doesn't matter, tomorrow I'm going to do something.

think I think I need to sleep on it before I decide WHAT.

Have a happy joyful day everyone. wink

joe
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/08/12 09:55 PM

I am so not ready for the Christmas stuff. I was in Costco and Lowes the other day and so many aisles are dedicated to Christmas that you can't avoid it. I wish we could get past Halloween before they start the next holiday.

Are you happy now that you have the cooler weather?

I will be heading to the chiropractor late morning and then I'll be in the corner for part of the day. Depending on how I feel, I will likely go to a class at night. My bad toe joint that needs to be replaced is revolting from all the pounding. I wish I could silence it. lol

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 02:41 AM

Goodmorning Joe,Ana and all smile
Sorry that you have cold weather allready frown
Come here, we have 30c. just like summer summer
Have all a nice day flowers
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 04:30 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula wave Ana I know what you mean about Xmas decorations,it's all over the stores here also eekWhat's next the music playing!way to early if you ask me!!Sorry about your toe,coffee is ready enjoy the day everyone puppy
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 04:50 AM

wave Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe you are "cool"- you don't need to think about it! Ana sorry about your toe. Must be painful to walk. Haroula and Cailyn hope you both are feeling better. Wishing everyone a nice day! wave
Posted by: venus

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 06:00 AM

Oops, forgot to post last night, so it's just my regular morning whoosh again. wave

Hope everyone has a terrific Tuesday. cat
Posted by: GBC

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 06:46 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, sounds like everything is cool with you.

Ana, ouch! hope you're okay by class time.

Haroula, enjoy your warm weather. It's cold here.

Cailyn, coffee sounds great!

Gerry, have a good day!

Venus, happy workday.

Midgie, how's everything going for you?

Connie, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day!

Dog walking this morning. Have pre-op testing this afternoon.
Posted by: connie

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 07:39 AM

Good morning everyone. Gail, good luck with the pre-op testing. Hugs on the way. hearts To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Tuesday. Still waiting for the cool weather here. We leave for our belated 50th Anniversary week at St. Pete Beach on Monday. I'm getting excited now. Danish and Bear Claws in the NC. summer
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 10:02 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a happy joyful day, as well!

Ana, daughter's house is 1.1 miles north of our home. smile Boyfriend's parents are 1.2 miles north of their house. The kids are right in the middle.

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 11:18 AM

FYI, Evelyne lost her internet again and she misses you all! She will return when she can.

Haroula, do you have room for visitor? lol How cold are your winters?

Sue, We have radio startions here that start playing Christmas music on Nov 1st. I am sick of it on the first day. lol

Gerry, it always hurts, just some days it's more bearable than others. duh Enjoy your day.

Venus, happy whooshing!

Gail, prayers and positive thoughts heading your way. hearts

Connie, I hope you have an awesome week. YOu both earned it!

Darlene, that is so great you are close. I wish my daughter was closer. It's a 25 minute ride when traffic is clear and over an hour otherwise.

Getting ready for the chiropractor. Can't wait to see his face when he sees my burned shoulder. 3 weeks old and still a big mess.

Ana wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 11:29 AM

Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

It's a quiet day here....love love love it. It won't stay quiet long though so I'm going to savor it. Hubby checked this morning and I can't get my eye meds til the 15th. Too funny and so glad my eye is more of an aggravation than an immediate danger.

I have heard rumors of cooler weather out there. I shall have to wander out the door and investigate that. wave
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 11:36 AM

Christmas? Already? I thought we just had Christmas? My rule is when they start playing Christmas music on the speakers, I stop shopping. I hate coming home and humming Christmas music all day!

Sidewalks on first street almost done. Going to check on our morning walk. Amazing how much 'parking' is lost by widening the road to the REAL survey lines. Being a rural area for so many years, most folks just extended their property lines to the street. Now those people are losing up to 20 feet of the front. Lots of fences and brick walls and sadly beautiful trees are gone. One apartment complex (they left it till last) has HALF the parking spaces now. Gonna be fun for them to find on street parking with the neighbors also vying for it. Wow.

Rain predicted yesterday Monday never appeared, last night they changed it to Wednesday, but this morning...now it's Thursday. I don't think we will ever see any.

OH a Panda Express restaurant was robbed (with patrons made to lie on floor and robbed too!) This is the SECOND Panda Express to be robbed in two weeks. I'm not going to go to mine until this spree is over. Wowwwwwww. Very close to my house too. Used to be no crime around here and now it's closer and closer. scared
Posted by: flutist

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 11:45 AM

Good Tuesday morning to all.

Started the morning out by going to Home Depot for a couple of things. While there, looked at dishwashers. Ours is 13 years old and I don't think it rinses the dishes as well as it should sometimes. Have to use Lemme Shine in it so I don't get too much film on the glasses. Then when we got home, we took Cory for his walk. Now I'm home for the rest of the day and I can goof off.

Have a great day everyone.

Bets
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 01:09 PM

Well if I were to say Hi-Bye I could get this in by morning's end. lol

Joe thanks for the chuckles!! Hope work flies and goes well.

Ana shoulder mess from the burn or black and blue from the treatment??? Prayers that it ets better soonest! Thanks for the Evelyne update. I kinda thought that.

Haroula that would make it about 85 here so I will pass for now as that is too hot. lol Now around 22C or 70F would be great!! Have a lovely day and enjoy the heat!!

Cailyn(hope you are feeling better), Gerry, Midge, venus have a lovely day!

Connie sounds like a wonderful way to celebrate!! Thanks for the danish!

Gail keeping you in my thoughts and prayers that all goes well!! HUGS! hearts

Darlene how nice she will be kinda close!! May work fly and all go smoothly!!

Well Sorta they have done all those away from you so now they have to move to a different area. Be safe!!

Bets did you find one that you liked????? Have fun goofing off!!

No plans till later when we have a neighborhood crime watch meeting!!

wave
Nan
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 02:05 PM

snickerWe are very lucky,we are opposite of
Africa yes
In winder we have about 12c-22c whistle wave
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 02:15 PM

Heavenly day, up to 82 and tomorrow,heavenly-er, up to 84. But today I've been eating every bit of food in the house. Probably due to the cold the last few days. Even the sun is out.

Sorta, be careful. How are the kits?

Nothing much going on today, still plodding through Deux Ex although I did finish insect armageddon in 3 days. Now that's my kind of game, just wall to wall shooting yeah.

Start gaming everyone -it's good for the frontal lobes.
Posted by: flutist

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 02:25 PM

Nan, I want to do some more looking and comparisons. Also look at reviews. Will check Lowes the next time I am over there. When I find one that looks interesting, I write down the model number and make and then come home and look on the internet.
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 04:12 PM

Thanks for the laughs joe. thumbsup
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 04:49 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 07:09 PM

Night Haroula, sleep well.

Hubby and I are out the door to our Bible Study. See ya'll tomorrow wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 08:20 PM

Night Haroula sleep well. I wouldn't mind a winter like that. Here we can get to -30c to -40c. Brrrrrrr lol

Yankee have fun gaming!!! Glad it is nice there. We had rain most of yesterday and a little this afternoon. Temps in the upper 30's to low 40's.

Bets I see that you are a smart shopper.!!! Hope ya find just what you want.

Space have a lovely relaxing evening.

L4l enjoy Bible study!!

wave
Nan
Posted by: Midge

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 09:31 PM

Oh my. I haven't posted anything today. My bad. Worked tonight for 3 hours. Came home to a nice heated apartment finally. I've been without heat for 3 plus weeks. It was getting rather cold in here. I got a nice surprise when I got home.
Hope yu all had a great day. Tomorrow on my day off I have to go to a pain clinic about my left ankle. Hopefully they will find something that will help me. We'll see.

Going to bed now. See you in the morning. Night everyone. Sleep well.

Midgie sleep
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 10:19 PM

Nan wave

Midgy, so glad you came home to heat. Now we'll just have to pray for clarity for the docs. wave

Night all sleep
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 10:42 PM

wave

Home, fed, NCIS'd...

Off to see what's afoot. Then, it's sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Tuesday's Special - 10/09/12 11:22 PM

Midge glad the heat is finally on!! What a nice surprise!! Prayers that they can find something that will work for you!! Night!

Night L4l sleep well!

Darlene glad work time is over and happy gaming!!! grin

Time here to think about finding my pillow. Night everybody, sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan