Monday

Posted by: gymcandy1

Monday - 10/22/12 12:01 AM

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Robert X. Cringely,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.


2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS.
Police in Oakland , CA , spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'



3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts!


4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka , Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.



5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot', the man shouted, 'that's not what I said!'



6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart'.
'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No!' the man shouted, 'This is her husband!'





7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto , CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!


8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEXAS BEER JOINT SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!
(This should keep you chuckling for awhile)
A bar called Drummond's (in Mt Vernon, Texas ) began construction on an expansion of their building, hoping to "grow" their business.
In response, the local Southern Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding - petitions, prayers, etc.
About a week before the bar's grand re-opening, a bolt of lightning struck the bar and burned it to the ground!
Afterward, the church folks were rather smug - bragging about "the power of prayer".
The angry bar owner eventually sued the church on grounds that the church... "Was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, through direct actions or indirect means."
Of course, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.
The judge read carefully through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply.
He then opened the hearing by saying:
"I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that what we have here is a bar owner who now believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Marriott Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home.

Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise , as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am sending this only to friends whom I think have dabbled in
physics or advanced math at some point in their lives.
Enjoy.

Math/Physics Question

Situation:
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop off.
And on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a bounding kangaroo,
and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.

Question:
What must you do to get out of this potentially
highly dangerous situation safely?

See answer below.















Get your drunk behind off of that merry-go-round.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Good morning everyboomie.

"Good morning Mr Sunshine. You brighten up my day. Come sit beside me in your way."

"Good morning Star shine. The Earth stands alone. You twinkle above us. We twinkle below."

"Good morning girl. How'd you sleep last night? You're several ages older now. Your eyes have started showing how, the little girl's growing now. Good morning girl."

There.....some wake-up music for you. Take your pick and I'll sing it to you personally.

Just don't ask me to sing you to sleep tonight. snicker

think "In the midnight moonlight hour, I'll be walking along that lonely mile, and every time I do, I keep seeing this picture of you."

Ok I gotta stop doing that. I could keep it up all night, and nearly did last night. slapforehead

It was after 2:00am when I went to bed, and longer for me to go to sleep.

Not because I was running around singing everyone to sleep mind you, but because I was watching music videos, and it got me all wound up.

"Now that woman that I had wrapped around my finger just come unwound." slapforehead

Ya see? Everything reminds me of a song that I like.

People used to tell me, "Gosh I just mentioned one word, and you start singing a song about it."

It's a curse I can't fight. blush

"Breaking rocks in the hot sun. I fought the law and the law won. I fought the law and the law won."

I can break out in a song anywhere.

Most people would enjoy it too if I didn't sound like an alley cat caught in a clothes dryer. rolleyes

They say "Joe you missed your calling........calling pigs."

Pepper likes it.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe

Posted by: Haroula

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 02:49 AM

Good morning boomers,have all a nice day happydance wave
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 03:11 AM

Good morning Joe,Haroula,and all boomers waveIt's the start of another week so I'll get the coffee ready,Hi gerry to you when you come in how are you feeling?Have a great day all sherlock
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 05:35 AM

Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe hope you sleep in this morning! Haroula have a nice day. Cailyn thanks for the coffee. I'm good I think. I'm seeing a "floater" in one eye. Guess it's another old age thing! Hope you all have a great day! wave
Posted by: Midge

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 05:47 AM

Good morning. Joe my Mom used to do that all the time. She'd break into song if you'd say something from a song. Thanks. It brings back memories. kissy

Morning Haroula,Sue, and all who come in the diner today. I have an early shift again. Se you when I come home.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: venus

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 05:59 AM

Time for yet another work whoosh. wave

Have a great Monday, everyone. cat
Posted by: GBC

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 06:37 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, we should all have a sing-a-long this morning!

Ana, is this going to be a relaxing day for you?

Haroula, have a great day!

Cailyn, my coffee cup needs a refill, thanks.

Gerry, enjoy whatever plans you have today.

Midgie, enjoy your early shift.

Venus, besides work how have you been?

I had a busy weekend. Going to relax and take it easy today.
Posted by: connie

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 07:45 AM

Good morning everyone. We had a wonderful trip. We brought the laptops, but couldn't get either one of them to connect to the internet. They didn't like the way the router was set up. We visited some Historical sites, a Sea bird sanctuary, and a Botanical gardens. The weather was nice, but a bit warm. Now it's back to catching up to everything here. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Monday. Danish, French Toast, and Omelets in the NC. summer
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 10:01 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Love the songs! smile Have a great Monday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: flutist

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 11:33 AM

Well, Good morning y'all.

I have been here, just night right here. Just don't know where the days have been going to. Got a haircut this morning, I was getting shaggy. Woof. Cleaned up under my sink as I am getting my new dishwasher installed this afternoon. I gotta do my treadmill and have orchestra this evening. Getting new music for the next concert. Hope it is good.

Yesterday was a beautiful day and it is going to be nice for the next couple of days. Can't complain about that.

I'm going to go sneak in some gaming before lunch, so I will wish everyone a wonderful day.

Bets
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 11:43 AM

Off to explore all the sidewalk/road construction on two nearby streets that dead end into mine. One is almost done (asphalt starting today) and the other just got a load of new phone poles delivered. Wheeee. Gotta see if ALL the residents heeded the NO parking signs. Bet they didn't. Gonna be fun. Saw already a major amount of extra cars parked on my street farther up. Suspect they are from the adjoining 'have to move' them street. So far, no extras on my side. I'm thinking of putting up cones, or barbed wire, or getting several attack dogs, or patrolling with a tank to keep them from parking in front of my house. rotfl
Posted by: flutist

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 01:31 PM

Does anything ever go right? Maybe, maybe not. In this case it is not. Couldn't install dishwasher because cutoff valve was in the way and also soldered in. Okay, our plumber can't get here till Thursday at the earliest. In the meantime, I use the one that is still in there. Ah well, life goes on.

Bets
Posted by: Lotus777

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 01:50 PM

Good Morning. Very chilly here, feels like snow. Huge thunderheads floating past..threat mostly, they say. I will be so glad when all this food is processed and all I have to do is cook it, lol. I am going to game a bit first, I really must!! Hope everyone has a great day and Happy Gaming. wave
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 01:52 PM

Good morning everybody. snicker

Maybe if you're on the West coast it's still morning. oops

I've been working on financial issues all morning, which required more cerebral activity than I'm used to. crazy

Sometimes my senses just suddenly shut down and I stare off into space for I don't know how long. cool

I call it SSO (sudden sensory overload). razz

Anyway there IS a reason that I didn't get here before lunch time, but we have storms approaching now and I have to post this quickly before they get here and kill my internet. happydance

I hope everyone has a fantasticly sensorically pleasurable day. thumbsup lol

Gotta run. The spell check police is after me.

joe
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 03:12 PM

Hiho all, just browsing around, enjoying the day. Laundry, cleaning done -it's a hohum day.

Now have 9 tomato plants. If they all would grow -wow. I would eat them with olive oil and salt on homemade Italian bread -oh gosh that's good and then freeze the rest.

Off to the games -games prepare thyselves.
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 04:25 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 05:41 PM

I am here!! lol Been a long day!!

Joe you would fit right in with my mom and her sisters. When ever we all got together and somebody said a word one of them would start singing a song and the others would join in. lol

We were just talking about that this morning at my aunt's memorial(my moms sister). She was the last of the six to go. I guess they are all singing and playing bridge together in Heaven now. happydance

Ana hope that all is well in your neck of the woods!! HUGS!

wave Midge, venus, Cailyn, Gerry, Gail, Lotus, Darlene, Sorta. Have a wonderful day!

Bets sorry they couldn't install the new washer today. Have fun at orchestra tonight. Hope the music is a good pick!

Connie welcome home!! Sounds like you had a lovely time. Thanks for the danish!

Night Haroula sleep well.

Yankee no game yet??? Have fun with the ones you have!!

wave
Nan
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 06:15 PM

Oy! It appears I forgot to pop in this morning. oops

I am retreating back to the corner so I have been cooking things up for the week in the kitchen. It's been a rainy day with thunderstorms passing through on and off. I'll be heading to the club for my class shortly and then rushing home to watch the debate.

Connie, glad you had a great time!

Nan hearts

be back
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 07:40 PM

Not feeling well today with the passing of my doggie this weekend. puppy hearts
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 07:55 PM

Oh no spaceq. My heart goes out to you. sad
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 07:55 PM

Yankee, I'm coming to your house for tomatoes wave

Hubby tells me he is hungry, so I'm off to the kitchen to create something filling! wave
Posted by: Midge

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 08:51 PM

Aw SQFan. I'm so sorry your puppy has gone over the Rainbow Bridge. Hugs.sad

Tomatoes..yummy.

See you guys in the morning. I have the morning off. Laundry waits. Hi MaGwave

Midgie sleep
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 09:28 PM

SpaceQ, I am sorry I was in my class when I posted before, now I am home.

I know how much your doggie meant to you and I feel your pain. I wish I could make things better for you, but I realise nothing I can say will fill the hole in your heart right now. I am sending prayers and positive thoughts for strength for you. Big HUgs...
Posted by: MaG

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 09:55 PM

Hugs to you, Space Quest!

MaG
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 10:12 PM

Hello everyone. wave

We had a cloudy so so day here, and the "storms" got to us and fizzled out. We got a sprinkle. smirk

SpaceQuest I'm so sorry to hear you lost your best friend. Many hugs and warm thoughts for you tonight. frown

Hi Ana, Hi MaG. wave

I have one vacation day left. smirk

joe
Posted by: 3dobermans

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 10:27 PM

Sorry to have been gone for the past week. This cold has been an on again, off again problem. Think I'm over the worst but still a wait and see.

Space, so sorry to hear of your loss. Hugs.
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 10:32 PM

Hi Joe kissy I am sorry your vacation is winding down. We have your storms today.

Trippy, I am sorry you were down with a cold. sad The fall weather doesn't help any.
I'm glad to see you back here.

back to the corner for me.
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 11:09 PM

Aw Space HUGS, HUGS, HUGS!!! So sorry to hear that. Know the pain. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

I am heading for my pillow as I am tired. Night everybnody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 11:12 PM

Sweet Dreams Nan. sleep
Posted by: Lotus777

Re: Monday - 10/22/12 11:22 PM

In case you see this, Space Quest, my heart goes out to you. I know you love your dog like I do mine. There just aren't words. I am sooo sorry. Sending you a sympathetic hug. hearts
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Monday - 10/23/12 04:04 PM

Thank you all so much. This is the friendliest site on the entire web. I miss her so much. cry