Posted By: gymcandy1
Monday's - 11/05/12 12:52 AM
"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there."
Josh Billings
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ben and Haley had gotten up in years, and their memories weren't quite what they used to be. They found it beneficial to write things down so as not to forget them.
One evening they were sitting in the parlor and Haley said, "Ben, be a dear and go to the kitchen and fix me a dish of ice cream and put some chocolate syrup and peanuts on it. And, Ben, write it down so you don't forget the peanuts."
"That's a good idea, Dear." Ben said, and wrote it on the notepad and headed for the kitchen.
Ben was in the kitchen for a while, and returned with a plate of bacon and eggs. Haley looked at it and said, "Oh Ben, you forgot the breakfast toast."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man tells a doctor, "I think my wife's going deaf. What can I do?"
The doctor says, "Well, try to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. That way we can see how bad the problem is."
The man goes home, sees his wife and says, "Hi honey, what's for dinner?" He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer. "Honey, what's for dinner?" He repeats this several times, until he's standing right next to her.
Finally, she answers, "For the sixth time, we're having Pot Roast!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I...didn't pinch that girl."
"No you didn't" said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly man was headed home in his car one evening, swerving and weaving on the road, when he was stopped by a policeman. "Have you been drinking tonight, sir?" the policeman asked
. "Well, I may have had a pint or two." The man replied, smiling. "Why do you ask?"
"Sir, your wife fell out of the car about a mile back."
"Oh, thank goodness," the man exclaimed. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist.
A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, "Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both hands hold your hat."
She said, "Look mister, everything down there is seventy years old; this hat is brand new!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Nina.
"Fifty years," Grandma replied.
"That is so wonderful," exclaimed Nina. "And I bet in all that time, you never once thought about divorce, right?"
"Right Nina. Divorce, NEVER. Murder, lots of times, but never divorce."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie! 
How are you this morning?
It's too early for me to tell, I haven't set my clock back yet.
Ask me in another hour. 
I really like getting an extra hours sleep though.
I like it so much I'm gonna set my clock up an hour every morning after I get up, and set it back an hour the next morning when my alarm goes off. Then up an hour after I get up. Then…you get the pic.
Heck I might even do two hours. 
WAIT A MINUTE!!!
Why not do a whole day!?
I‘m really going to catch up on my sleep now.
I'm such a geniot!
That means I'm one of your smarter idiots. 
If you don't believe me ask me anything. I can tell you with all assurance I won‘t know the nanswer. Oops!
Nan might know the nanswer, but I won‘t.
I won‘t know the answer either.
Ok I'd better get going.
Tomorrow starts at 3:30.……4:30.…..lets see it would have been 3:30 but I set the clock back so I’m really getting up at 4:30, but I set the clock back, so now it’s REALLY 3:30.…………I’m so confused.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Josh Billings
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ben and Haley had gotten up in years, and their memories weren't quite what they used to be. They found it beneficial to write things down so as not to forget them.
One evening they were sitting in the parlor and Haley said, "Ben, be a dear and go to the kitchen and fix me a dish of ice cream and put some chocolate syrup and peanuts on it. And, Ben, write it down so you don't forget the peanuts."
"That's a good idea, Dear." Ben said, and wrote it on the notepad and headed for the kitchen.
Ben was in the kitchen for a while, and returned with a plate of bacon and eggs. Haley looked at it and said, "Oh Ben, you forgot the breakfast toast."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man tells a doctor, "I think my wife's going deaf. What can I do?"
The doctor says, "Well, try to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. That way we can see how bad the problem is."
The man goes home, sees his wife and says, "Hi honey, what's for dinner?" He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer. "Honey, what's for dinner?" He repeats this several times, until he's standing right next to her.
Finally, she answers, "For the sixth time, we're having Pot Roast!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I...didn't pinch that girl."
"No you didn't" said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly man was headed home in his car one evening, swerving and weaving on the road, when he was stopped by a policeman. "Have you been drinking tonight, sir?" the policeman asked
. "Well, I may have had a pint or two." The man replied, smiling. "Why do you ask?"
"Sir, your wife fell out of the car about a mile back."
"Oh, thank goodness," the man exclaimed. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist.
A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, "Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both hands hold your hat."
She said, "Look mister, everything down there is seventy years old; this hat is brand new!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Nina.
"Fifty years," Grandma replied.
"That is so wonderful," exclaimed Nina. "And I bet in all that time, you never once thought about divorce, right?"
"Right Nina. Divorce, NEVER. Murder, lots of times, but never divorce."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie! 
How are you this morning?
It's too early for me to tell, I haven't set my clock back yet.
Ask me in another hour. 
I really like getting an extra hours sleep though.
I like it so much I'm gonna set my clock up an hour every morning after I get up, and set it back an hour the next morning when my alarm goes off. Then up an hour after I get up. Then…you get the pic.
Heck I might even do two hours. 
WAIT A MINUTE!!!
Why not do a whole day!?
I‘m really going to catch up on my sleep now.
I'm such a geniot!
That means I'm one of your smarter idiots. 
If you don't believe me ask me anything. I can tell you with all assurance I won‘t know the nanswer. Oops!
Nan might know the nanswer, but I won‘t.
I won‘t know the answer either.
Ok I'd better get going.
Tomorrow starts at 3:30.……4:30.…..lets see it would have been 3:30 but I set the clock back so I’m really getting up at 4:30, but I set the clock back, so now it’s REALLY 3:30.…………I’m so confused.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
So glad you have found a new place, Midgie. here's looking to a swift move and no more bad landlords!! Evelyne, we have an older Lincoln and I love this car. I don't want a new one. She is white with wine colored leather seats and her name is Blanca. We have a somewhat newer Chevy PU and that is Jerry's baby. I named it BlueBoy. Did your car have a name? Or am I the only one ...? Maybe I don't want to know the answer to that. It is really past my bedtime, what with the time change so Good Night and Happy Monday ..let the Games begin. 
Enjoy your dance tonight! 
no, I never gave a name to this car. Would be impossible to sell it if it was so personal. When I was young(er) I had a white Volvo with tomato red leather seats (almost like yours!) and I called it: snowhite. I was driving the Volvo until she almost fell to pieces and I had to bring her to the scrap dealer. Oh may 
that was a bad time for my poor soul... 
Morning Darlene. How's your beautiful daughter doing? Morning Lotus. Hi Haroula, Sue, Evelyne, venus, Gail, and all who wander in today. I have an early shift today. Then home to pack, then back to work. That will be my days until I move. Exciting,huh?
Yes, you guessed it. I'm hungry and trying to spike myself up to do laundry. It's not the laundry I mind, it's the walk in the cold. 
Still, got to get out there.
Have a lovely day!
thank you! Have a happy day!
Ok Ana. Too late to get one today, so looks like tomorrow after 2:00. 
