Hump Day

Posted by: gymcandy1

Hump Day - 11/06/12 08:55 PM

"If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?!"
Jack Handy Deep Thoughts

A white-haired old man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday, with a beautiful young lady at his side.

"I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend," he said.

Our jeweler looked through our stock and took out an outstanding ring priced at $5,000.

"I don't think you understand-I want something very unique," the man said.

At that, our now very excited jeweler went and fetched our special stock from the safe. "Here's one stunning ring at $40,000."

The girls eyes sparkled, and the man said that he would take it.

"How are you paying?" asked our jeweler.

"I'll pay by check; but of course the bank will want to make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write a check and you can phone the bank tomorrow, and then I'll fetch the ring on Monday."

Monday morning, our very disappointed jeweler phoned the man. "You lied, there's no money in that account."

"I know, sorry, but can you imagine what a FANTASTIC weekend I had?"

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?"

Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse. One day, Old Harold had breakfast, pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice. So .. you know where the juice went!

The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it. "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today .." At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time."

The nurse fainted ...! Old Harold just smiled!


An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."

"That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."

Date of Joke: Thursday, 20th January, 2005

John and his wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist and my bum is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby." She turns to John and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice,,,,

"Well... there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

Aging with a Smile

Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

I'm getting into swing dancing.. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

I think I've reached my sexpiration date.

People our age can still enjoy an active, passionate sex life! Provided we get cable or that dish thing.

The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

Good morning everyboomie.  wave

Can you believe it's Wednesday already?

Only two days to get through.  penguin

Gee I haven't been this excited since my kidney infection. razz

I'll just keep my head down, focus on work, and hope that it passes quickly.

I also hope that I don't run into a wall.

I still have a bump on my head and a stiff neck from the last time.  crazy

I don't want to have to spend that one day off in the chiropractor's office. 

Hey! What if we had Attipractors?  idea

I could just go in and get an attitude adjustment, and then maybe I wouldn't need my Chiropractor. 

I feel better already. tomato

Have a happy day ever body.......and...everybody. wink

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 11/06/12 10:31 PM

Joe, I think Moms can be called Attipractors. lol
Do you actually have a weekend off this weekend?

Have a happy day Joe and all. Zumba in the morning and then I hope it'll stop raining so I can get the dogs out.

Midgie, best of luck to you at the clinic. hearts

birthday Trippy!

Ana wave
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 02:04 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana and all smile
Trippy birthday wave
Have all a nice day fall
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 03:27 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula and all boomers waveCoffee is hot and ready have a great day everyone fall
Posted by: Drmojo

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 04:04 AM

Good Morning Boom Boom Buddies~

Hope everyone has a nice Hump day flowers

Got Mojo moved down to BR stables he's nice and cozy
in his stall with all his buddies around him~
He loves it! I love it when I know he's nice & snug and dry
when it's pouring down rain here all week YUK! razz

I think I'm gonna try to trade my 3 wheel Rascal scooter
for a 4 wheel one I tipped over again today that makes it
4 times now geez I really need to learn to drive better lol

Have a nice day Boomers~ wave

got a Kidney Doc appt today~ Karen angel fall
Posted by: venus

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 05:06 AM

Hello and goodbye. wave fall
Posted by: connie

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 07:15 AM

Good morning everyone. Ana, I'm happy your test came back OK. yay Karen, I hope you can trade your scooter for a 4 wheeled one. birthday Trippy. The boys just left to work in Penn. Please send positive thoughts for a safe trip. A trip to Walmart is in the cards for today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. Danish, French Toast, and Omelets with Hash Browns and Toast in the NC. penguin
Posted by: GBC

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 08:07 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for the laughs.

Ana, enjoy Zumba and I hope it stops raining there so the dogs can enjoy dancing around too.

Haroula, good day to you!

Cailyn, coffee please on this cold morning.

Karen, good luck with a trade so you can be more balanced with four wheels.

Venus, good work day to you!

Connie, good traveling vibes out to your boys. Enjoy Walmart.

Trippy...happy birthday.

Midgie, good luck in Boston this morning. Hope you can obtain a pain-free solution for you ankle. hearts

Doc appointment went well. Still waiting for one last test result before I can get on a routine med schedule. Weather not so great here today. Looks like a super good gaming day! penguin

Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 10:15 AM

Good morning everybody. wave

New router, same old problem. frown

Although it is much better, I'm still having the connectivity problem. duh

Now if I keep clicking, I can eventually get the web page I'm wanting to get to, but I don't understand what's causing the problem.

Maybe it's the computer. smirk

Ana I have to get through today and tomorrow and have Friday off. Not two days unfortunately. smirk

I have to go in early to go to walmart and reclaim a couple of items that I paid for yesterday, but that didn't make it home with me. rolleyes

For some reason, it already seems like a Saturday to me.

My calender has lost it's way.

I hope everyone has a super day. Whatever it is. wink

Posted by: soot

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 10:37 AM

Good morning Joe Gail Connie Venus Karen Cailyn Haroula Ana and the rest of you when you are up and at em laugh

My last day of rest and fun with WOM before I head back to work .. oh my shocked

But all is not lost as Tomorrow Is Another Day laugh

Have a wonderful day everyone it's time for gardening and whale music

L4L hearts

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 11:20 AM

Unhappy day for me so far. The school board member who has been indited for corruption, etc. looks like she may win her seat again. Arrragghh! I guess nobody watches the news anymore, and only goes by how many signs are on the lawns around town when picking who to vote for. I saw loads of 'her' signs and only one obscure sign for any of the challengers. Pays to advertise. Votes still being counted, but looks like she's a winner. Will be fun with her trial in January to see if she is convicted or pleads out to a lesser charge in return for 'tattling' on the real offenders in all of this.

In better news, it's a nice day and although I'm once again fighting ants in the bathroom, the raccoons have scattered loads of tiny broken dead tree branches on my deck, the water dishes were totally mud again (they love to bathe every night), but my yard kid (the one who keeps doing stupid stuff and ended up in jail for a month) is back and looking for yard work. I can use him for sure. Lots of raccoon poop piles to shovel, some new hedge plants to dig holes for and other icky stuff I can't or don't feel like doing. Yup, good day I guess.

Hope the new hurricane/storm leaves the East coast alone!
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 11:25 AM

Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Today is hubby's last day at home. We've had a great time hanging together. I woke up a bit ickky...throat is sore and voice is hoarse. I'm convinced more coffee will do the trick.

Son is on the road coming home. He had a lot of fun in VA, but now it's time to get back to real life.

Joe, thanks for the jokes. I love all the Aging with a Smile ones.

Ana, I hope you and the doggies all have a wonderful day!

Haroula, how's life?

Cailyn, thanks for the coffee. I'll sit nearby.

Doc, luck How far away is Mojo's new stable?

Venus, wave

Connie, how long will the boys be gone this time?

Gail, I hope that test comes back quickly with the result you want.

Soot kissy

Sorta, so glad your yard guy is back. Hopefully, he'll stay out of trouble.

Back in a bit wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 12:19 PM

Joe glad you kept trying and finally made it here. Hope you can find out the problem soon.

May work fly and all go well. Only one after today!! happydance

Ana, let me look! Yup looks like it be OK for a nice run with the dogs. Only clouds in the sky but didn't see any moisture! lol Course the rain doesn't always show up. Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for getting the coffee going.

Karen best of luck at the doc appointment. Prayers that all be well. Does that mean that Mojo is closer to you now??? Glad he likes where he is at and is warm and dry!

Maybe you need some driving lessons. lol DO be careful out there now. Good luck with the trade.

venus have fun at work.

Gail hope the results are in soonest so the meds are properly adjusted. Yup.....rainy day equal gamey day!! lol Have fun!

Connie prayers for the Band around sons as they travel for work.

Soot have a nice relaxing day!!

Sorta I guess those people don't watch the news or they just don't care. Glad the lawn boy is back and can do some work for you!!

L4l enjoy the day with Soot, relaxing!! Prayers for the Band around son as he heads home!

Posted by: Lotus777

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 12:34 PM

Good Morning!!
Still worrying about Evelyne and what she may or may not have found upon her arrival.
Ana, I am so happy to hear your news is good. I got the game, thank you for the heads up. It looks to be delightful.
Nan, I am not kidding, my pumpkins taste like the best squash ever.
Enjoy your day with Soot, L2L! Hope you perk up soon!
Hope you have a good day Haroula.
I am praying the storm is just a drop in the puddle, Sue and that the East Coast will be spared any more damage.
Glad Mo is in a better place Karen. Do you still have Apple?
Hope your day is a good one Miss venus.
Hi to Connie and Gail and Soot. Wishing all of you a great day also.
Hope you can get your connectivity problems solved soon, Joe.
Good luck today Midgie, I hear Boston has some great docs. It better have!!! I have an Aunt who has to wear a "moonboot" due to pain in ankle after a break and not healing properly. The boot has worked wonders and she got the help in Boston!!
Hope your yardboy can get a lot done, Sorta.
Hi Space, when you get here. Hope you are having a nice day.
Off I go to butcher yet another pumpkin...yesterday it was beets.
Happy Gaming!! wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 01:34 PM

I talked to Evelyne last night and she said they stole a few things and made a big mess. She is meeting with the police today.

I just got back from class and need food. 3 days in a row of class is getting me back in shape fast. I am my old energetic self again. rah

Be back after I eat.
Posted by: venus

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 02:41 PM

Well, I just got back from work, and now I'm off again. lol My friend and I are going to go to the new Wegmens in our area, go shopping and have a very late lunch. rah

Hope everyone is having a great day so far. fall
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 03:02 PM

Good afternoon Boomers. wave
Posted by: GBC

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 03:04 PM

Good Afternoon Boomers

Interesting weather here. It's snowing hard and the wind is blowing. Wow! It's beautiful! penguin
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 03:37 PM

Hi Gail,no snow in my area yet!! Wind is really howling and it's raining hard shiver
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 04:03 PM

Okay, dogs have been run, I have been thoroughly exercised and I have a moment to sit.

Evelyne spent the day with the police, locksmith and window repair and is trying to shake off the bad feelings of having her space violated. She has no internet so will come here as soon as she can.

Sue, that sounds like great gaming weather.

Gail, I do enjoy the snowfall, I just want it to wait till Christmas time. lol
Glad your appt went well.

SpaceQ, have a nice evening.

venus, enjoy your outing.

Lotus, be kind to your pumpkins. lol Enjoy the game, I think it's great.

Nan, it is very wet here and very gloomy. The kind of day you expect the creature from the black lagoon to pop out. What's on your agenda today? Don't forget to check out today's game on BF!

L4L, I am glad you got to spend time with your KISA.

Sorta, glad you kid is back to help you. Hope he stays clear of trouble.

soot, enjoy your last free day.

Joe, sorry you still have troubles. I hope they can fix it for you. kissy

Connie, positive thoughts and prayers for your boys.

Doc, I am glad Mo is happy and warm. That has to give you peace of mind. I hope your doctor appt goes well today.
Falling over is no fun, you really need to get a new more stable scooter. Praying you can get one soon.

Haroula, wave

Gerry, I hope all well by you.
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 04:09 PM

Ahhhhh Soot and I are enjoying hot chocolate and cinnamon toast. Just right for the cold wave
Posted by: 3dobermans

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 04:26 PM

Bringing in fresh maple bars for all.

Turning out to be a busy day. The elderly man I was giving eye drops to, fell yesterday. Another neighbor took him to the Dr. and thankfully no broken bones; but this morning his knee is quite swollen and he's not able to get up by himself. the other neighbor and I are taking turns checking on him and in touch with his son. Will hope the son will take him to Portland for awhile. Sure it will take 2+ weeks before he'll be able to get around again on his own, but right now he almost needs round the clock care.
Would like to ask for prayers for him and that his son will make the right decision regarding his care.
Off to get some things done around here before I head back to check on him.
May all have a great day.
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 04:48 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 05:26 PM

Awww Trippy, thanks. I know you and the other neighbor are
Godsends to the elderly man. Hopefully, son will be in a osition to take him for a bit and the man will consent to go.

Night Haroula sleep
Posted by: Lotus777

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 06:37 PM

Trippy, you're an angel! How are your dogs doing?
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 06:42 PM

L4L, hot chocolate and cinnamon toast sound very tempting as I grill up zuchhini, pepper and sundried tomatoes. lol

TRippy, you sure are an angel! I hope that the man's son does the right thing. How are the pups today?

Haroula, sweet dreams.

Lotus, hearts
Posted by: Midge

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 08:59 PM

Trippy you are so good to do that for your neighbor. Prayers that his son will take him in for a few weeks. After making several trips to my new apartment I'm calling it a night. Back to packing tomorrow before I go back to work. Night all. See you in the morning. What's with our weather anyway? It feels like gale force winds and it's pouring. I can hear the wind howling. Br-r-r-r.

Midgie sleep shiver penguin
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 09:10 PM

Midgie, how did your appointment go?
Posted by: 3dobermans

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 09:17 PM

Thanks Lotus; the dogs are doing well; Skye is still unhappy but sure the eye she had surgery on is sore yet.

The elderly mans son will be here about 11 p.m. and will be taking his father back to Portland in the morning. And I thank you for the compliments.

Did stop by the church for their annual Thanksgiving dinner and it was delish. Now stuffed and ready for a quiet eve.

Have a great night all.
Posted by: Lotus777

Re: Hump Day - 11/07/12 10:43 PM

Well, that's a relief on both counts. Glad the elderly gentleman will be cared for by his own son and glad your pups are doing better.
And back atcha Ana!! hearts
And to all a Good Night. sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 11/08/12 12:08 AM

Trippy he is very lucky to have you as a neighbor!! Kind of you to keep an eye on him. Will add him to the list! Glad the son will take him home for now.

Midge you must be moving some packed boxes over. Hope the winds calm and the rain dries.

Ana sounds like you are surely enjoying your frre time. happydance I'll check it out. Is this the last one you did? Thanks for the update on Evelyne!!

Lotus you can be sure that I will be trying it too. lol

Well I am all tired out from painting at my neices new place before they move in this weekend. Sooooo........night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 11/08/12 12:56 AM

Nan, how nice of you to help paint!

Son just walked in the door and went directly to bed. I'm heading up too. Sleep well all sleep