The End

Posted by: gymcandy1

The End - 11/09/12 07:00 PM

"For the memory of love is sweet, though the love itself were in vain. And what I have lost of pleasure, assuage what I find of pain."
-- Lyster

A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch.

The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to tell the difference, pours him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old house scotch that has been poured into an empty bottle of the good stuff.

The man takes a sip and spits the scotch out on the bar and reams the bartender. "This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can buy. I'm not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year-old scotch."

The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, pours him a scotch of much better quality, 6-year-old scotch. The man takes a sip and spits it out on the bar. "This is only 6-year-old scotch. I won't pay for this, and I insist on a good, 12-year-old scotch. The bartender finally relents and serves the man his best quality, 12-year-old scotch. The man sips the drink and says, "Now that's more like it."

An old drunk from the end of the bar, who has witnessed the entire episode, walks down to the finicky scotch drinker and sets a glass down in front of him and asks, "What do you think of this?" The scotch expert takes a sip, and in disgust, violently spits out the liquid yelling "THIS TASTES LIKE PEE."

To which the old drunk replies, "That's right, now guess how old I am."

A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered, "Barbender, barbender, I would like a Martoutsy." The bartender brought her a Martini, which she drinks in one gulp.

"Barbender, I would like another Martoutsy", again the bartender brought her a Martini. By this time the lady is leaning heavily forward, barely able to hang on. She called, "Barbender, your Martoutsys are giving me heartburn."

Patiently, the bartender came near her and said, "Lady, I am not a barbender, but a bartender, and what you have been drinking is not a Martoutsy, but a Martini, and finally, you do not have heartburn, your chest is leaning against the ashtray."

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk just sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either".

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher.

The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher... I sure am."

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.

"No, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"

"No, I did not Reverend."

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My Good man, have you found Jesus yet?"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and asks the preacher... "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

The neighbour dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.

"What's wrong Marge ?" she asked.

Marge told her that she had "morning sickness."

Surprised, the neighbour said, "I didn't even know you were pregnant!"

"I'm not." the harried young woman replied. "I'm just sick of mornings."

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double martini. After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double martini.

Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The customer replied, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Welcome to the weekend! penguin

I think I would have a picture of myself in my pocket, and when IT started to look good I'd know it's time to quit drinking. taz

Hopefully buy the time most of you read this I'll be at work slaving away.

If I'm not, then I'm most likely fired for being late.

Actually many of you will most likely ready this while I'm sleeping. sleep

Try not to laugh too loud ok, I am too tired to get up and "shoosh you". tired

I'm totally wiped out tonight.

Sorry to be so short, but I've gotta get to bed A.S.A.P. cool

That means Ahm Sleepy And Pooped. snicker

Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: The End - 11/09/12 07:06 PM

I dislike any thread started saying "the end". It scares me! Have a great day Joe. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Ana wave
Posted by: Haroula

Re: The End - 11/10/12 02:06 AM

Good morning boomers,have all a nice day wave
Posted by: cailyn

Re: The End - 11/10/12 03:28 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula waveThe title of the thread got me worried there for a minute Joe.Coffee is ready I'll keep it hot!It's cold here 33 degrees shiverA happy day wished for all puppy
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: The End - 11/10/12 04:33 AM

wave Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe hope you get to sleep in this morning. Ana maybe you can relax this weekend? Haroula enjoy your day. Cailyn it's cold here too! Hot coffee sounds perfect. Wishing all a happy and stress free Saturday!
Posted by: GBC

Re: The End - 11/10/12 06:17 AM

Gooid Morning Boomers

Joe, It's only the beginning of a long weekend.

Ana, Enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

Haroula, happy day to you.

Cailyn, fear not, warmer weather is on the way. Coffee please and thank you!

Gerry, a stress-free day sounds wonderful.

To all who enter I'm wishing a great weekend.
Posted by: connie

Re: The End - 11/10/12 07:42 AM

The name of the thread had me worried too. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful start to the weekend. Danish, Waffles, Oatmeal, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. fall
Posted by: Midge

Re: The End - 11/10/12 08:09 AM

Good morning. I hope you all have a great day. See you later.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: The End - 11/10/12 08:46 AM

lol Joe thanks
Posted by: venus

Re: The End - 11/10/12 09:37 AM

Hope you get plenty of sleep, Joe. yes

Ana, the title confused me for a minute. I wasn't sure if it was a diner thread or not. lol Hope you have a great Saturday.

Have a nice day, too, Haroula.

Stay warm, Cailyn. shiver

Stress free sounds good to me, Gerry. thumbsup Hope you have a great day.

Have a great weekend, too, Gail.

Thanks for the delicious breakfast, Connie. thumbsup

Have a great day, Midge.

Enjoy your day, Space Quest.

Wow, I really slept in this morning, until almost nine am. lol I think all these long days are getting to me. Today I'm going to relax, maybe play some Lost Crown with fiance. He had his last overnight last night, so it's back to normal working hours from now on. rah

Okay, I'm off to see what else is happening. Have a terrific Saturday, everyone. fall
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: The End - 11/10/12 10:10 AM which end??? lol Hope work is flying by for ya. Thanks for the chuckles.

Ana what fun plans today??? How is Merlin doing??

wave Haroula, Cailyn, Gerry, Gail, Connie, Midge, Space and venus!! Have a lovely start to a wonderful weekend!!

Off to help my neice move to their new place!!

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: The End - 11/10/12 11:48 AM

Off for a morning walk. Probably will get rained on since it's been on and off since yesterday. Sometimes hard for about 10 seconds. Ha. We don't get much of anything here, but it's nice to have real weather. North and East of us about 10 miles they get lots of rain and wind. We are going up the street a few blocks to check out the drainage canal. Usually transients are living under there (big concrete under everything big enough to drive a car through. Lots of junk in it. Probably all cleared out now with the rain draining down from the mountains to the ocean. It goes directly there and can be a raging torrent at times. Usually dry though. Gonna be interesting.

POSSUM. Went out to check on outdoorsie cats to make sure they were warm and dry under the plastic sheeting over the picnic table and saw something HUGE. Was the biggest possum in history happily on the bench staying out of the rain. Have no idea where the poor kitties spent the night. 2 oldest were in their tent but the mom and daughter were somewhere else. Probably under the house where it's a communal affair with every critter taking a corner. They were hungry and dry this morning so I guess they found shelter and the possum was gone to wherever possums go.
Posted by: soot

Re: The End - 11/10/12 12:01 PM

Morning gang! Woo hoo the weekend 'is' here! Hope you all have great one yes

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: The End - 11/10/12 12:21 PM

Super Saturday Ya'll puppy

I woke up this morning in my children's favorite state for me...voiceless! Eventually I'll cough enough to get a little voice back, but either way, it will be back in a couple of days.

We have cleaning and laundry and recycles on the list today. It is beautiful outside and I would love to go hiking, but don't think I'm quite up to it yet. After the cleaning and laundry and recycles will come some playing and some reading and some sleeping.

So, there it is...our day in a nutshell. Back later wave
Posted by: Darlene

Re: The End - 11/10/12 01:08 PM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! The End, eh? When one thing ends, something new begins, yes? smile

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies! Happy Saturday!

Daughter is collecting me at 11am. We're at her house this morning, hemming curtains. Then, it's an easy peasy rest of the day I'm planning!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: The End - 11/10/12 01:36 PM

Darlene, are you guys hemming by hand?
Posted by: misslilo

Re: The End - 11/10/12 01:43 PM

Didn't wake up until noon today. Must have needed the sleep. smile

Just 5 years ago I didn't get this tired after work - wonder how it will be in the next 5 years to come frown
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: The End - 11/10/12 02:10 PM

Misslilo, glad you got the sleep you obviously needed. Will you be retiring in 5 years?
Posted by: misslilo

Re: The End - 11/10/12 02:22 PM

Hopefully not!! lol

We can't get the retirement benefit until the age of 65 - so I still have a looong time to go.

Although government are now talking about extending it to 67 and with my luck, I bet it'll be 75 before I can retire laugh
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: The End - 11/10/12 03:46 PM

Groceries complete yesterday and today the laundry is laundried -yipyip hoorey. And another thing. In the mailbox this AM was devil may cry PS3 game -oh more happiness!!! and here's what it says on the front. Classic HD Devil May Cry HD Collection Remastered in HD with exclusive BONUS content. and all for 26$. What more would a gamer want. I've played DMC 4 several times but now with this DMC 1,2,and 3 I'll know the whole legacy. Now I'm waiting for Black Ops 2, the zombie one, and DMC 5. And with Doom and Killzone 2 and Resistance series andandand this here yankee's in gamer's heaven. Well, no home repairs done this winter.

My cousin Laura who lives near Niagara Falls, NY vacuums her apartment like this: She makes a loud buzzzzzing sound and pushes back and forth an invisible vacuum cleaner and picks up stuff that's on the carpet by hand. Pretty neat.

Yesterday shopping I got my doggy some dog biscuit treats by Blue Dog Bakery, peanut butter and molasses flavor and they are made in the USA and they proudly support hundreds of animal rescue and shelter orgs. All natural ingredients and no animal by-products. I know the brand I'll by buying from now on. If only they had cat something or other.

Nuttun' much going on now -bye for now
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: The End - 11/10/12 04:38 PM

Okay, as much cleaning done as is going to get done. Time to sit and play a bit. wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: The End - 11/10/12 05:05 PM

Well taking a break in the action for a moment so thought I would stop and see how the day is going!! Hope you all are having a lovely day! It is rainy and cloudy and windy, aw just plan nasty day but I know the sun is shining through somewhere!! lol

Have a good one all!!

Posted by: Haroula

Re: The End - 11/10/12 05:10 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: The End - 11/10/12 05:10 PM

I was here this morning but apparently forgot to post. oops

I should know better than to go to Petsmart on a Saturday afternoon when the rescue dogs are there for adoption. They had a litter of ten that were 9 weeks old and one looked just like Merlin. I was very tempted to put him in my pocket and go home. puppy

It was supposed to be near 70 and sunny today and instead we had severe thunderstorms. lol My backyard looked like a lake for awhile. Poor hubby and my future SIL were golfing through it.

be back...
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: The End - 11/10/12 06:55 PM

Hello everybody. wave

I hope you're all having a great "end" of the week. wink

I've been enjoying a nice end of my work day, but son Josh called me to let me know that my ex-sister in law passed today after a long illness.

Her sister, daughter, and husband all died in this past year, and she has two surviving daughters, so I ask that you send prayers and thoughts up for them.

I have to work tomorrow at 7:00.

I hope you have a nice evening everybody. smile

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: The End - 11/10/12 07:09 PM

Hi Yankee, did you mean Blue Buffalo Dog food? If so they have a website and they do have cat food too! I saw an ad on TV today for it and then looked it up. Sounds very tasty (if you are a cat or dog).

Fed outdoorsies early. They had all congregated and can't get used to the new time change. So I relented and they will now go to wherever they go at night and sleep with full tummies.

Also spent a few minutes making pork spaghetti sauce and am boiling some pasta now. Can hardly wait.

Then I stuffed the open windows (I have them screwed in position all year round) with foam 'rods'. That way, it blocks the cold wind and if I want more ventilation, I just pull out the foam and all is good. Bought the foam at the thrift store last year for cheap. I think it was for making some complicated valances, but I just sliced the rolls apart (grouped in 3 long rods) and cut them to the window width. Only had to stuff 3 windows so it was easy. Works well.

Off to eat Spaghetti with homemade Pork marinara sauce. Ohhhhh!
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: The End - 11/10/12 07:13 PM

So sad Joe, I will certainly send prayers to lift them up. hearts

I decided to take the dogs to the forest preserve at dusk because it finally stopped raining. The parking lot was full of dog runners when I got there, but they quickly left and I found myself in the dark, alone about 3/4 of a mile away from the parking lot. All of sudden the coyotes started howling and a couple minutes later we had three deer running straight for us. Merlin took off to run into them head on and I yelled loudly to deter the coyotes and the deer from coming closer. Let me just say, it was a not a very relaxing outing.

Ana wave
Posted by: niteowl07

Re: The End - 11/10/12 08:19 PM

hmmm , thought i posted this morning...

joe , that's so sad for them. i'll be sure to send a prayer to them.

ana , i agree- that doesn't sound relaxing to me either.

course , my last couple of days weren't too relaxing either - bathroom's underground plumbing has been clogged and needed to be dug up ,so every 10 minutes , someone was screaming for something or coming in , get the picture.

meanwhile ,i loaded WoW and murder in the abbey on the old /new computer , and was trying to update my rogue.

the cat has been beside herself trying to figure a way into the bathroom today - too funny !

nan , what were you painting? wish i coulda went went in the taxi last night - fish fry sounds good....

back later - you all try and stay out of trouble , ok?
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: The End - 11/10/12 08:44 PM

Good night Boomers
Posted by: Midge

Re: The End - 11/10/12 09:20 PM

Well I think I ache all over after the day I've had. Not complaining though. It's getting closer to the day I'll be in my new apartment for good. Rob and one of his sons(Connor) came and went through my apartment like a hurricane and packed up his truck and made a run to my new place. Things are happening fast. I wouldn't want company now though. Eck, my place is so messy, boxes everywhere.

Darlene give your daughter a hug from me please. She sounds so delightful. L4L I hope you get your voice back quickly.

Gail I'm getting closer to my move date. Can't wait to get from under my landlady's thumb. She's so picky about everything. Oh well, I don't have to worry about her much longer.

Saying good night now. I'm out of energy. See you in the morning.

Midgie hearts sleep
Posted by: niteowl07

Re: The End - 11/10/12 10:54 PM

nite , all
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: The End - 11/10/12 11:41 PM

Oh Ana sounds a bit scarey. eek Did that once and never again though. Glad your rain stopped.

Midge are you getting excited to be all moved??? Sleep well.

Sorta does it get cold there???? I never knew that. Nice ides though for the windows.

Niteowl that would have been fun!! We have a new cook and she is so nice it is a pleasure to volunteer my time. Hope they were successful with the plumming. Do you ever miss the "saltmines"??? lol I know......silly question!!

Joe they are on the "list"!! Will keep them in my thoughts and prayers. That is a lot to go through in life let alone in a year.

Well all the fresh air and all the work has got to me so I think it is pillow time.

Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: The End - 11/10/12 11:48 PM

Well, all the fresh air in the house has makes me feel like cuddling up under a comforter and a book. So, I'm off. See ya'll in the morning. Sleep well all sleep