Hump Day

Posted by: gymcandy1

Hump Day - 11/13/12 08:52 PM

"One life - a little gleam of Time between two Eternities."
Thomas Carlyle

The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words.

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law, and headed over the embankment.

I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

An invisible car come out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

In indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray dogs.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.

Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how...

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as fish bait.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Surfing in Nebraska.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few peas short of a casserole.
The cheese slid off his cracker.
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
Couldn't pour urine out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Funny Conversations

BOY : Since we met, I can't eat or drink...
GIRL : Why not ??
BOY : I'm broke.

BOY : May I hold your hand??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??
BOY : What time was it??

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

Man : You remind me of the sea.
Woman : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Man : NO, because you make me sick.

Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out
of the other.
Husband : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

Mary : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
Peter : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Jimmy : Mom, can I have two pieces of cake?
Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.

Sam : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I comfortable seated.
Lily : So what do you do?
Sam : I close my eyes.

Teacher : Have you given the goldfish fresh water?
Pupil : No, Sir. They haven't finished the water I gave them last week.

Mom : Why are you wiping the floor with that cake?
Son : Well, it's a sponge cake, isn't it?

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked.
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," replied the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

Good morning everyboomie. wave

I'm gonna go pass out pretty quick…………...............if I haven't already.  sleep

Did I mention what a day it was? Busy busy. shocked

I am so into going to bed early tonight.

I have been up since 3:30. tired

Now I'm starting to get excited just thinking about going to bed.  happydance

The problem is, when I get excited, my heart rate increases, and when that happens......I feel more alert......and uh... awake.  taz

Great!! Just what I need. rolleyes

I hate when that happens.

Dance anyone? happydance

Have a happy day everyone.

Posted by: Midge

Re: Hump Day - 11/13/12 09:25 PM

I'll happydance with you Joe. You just made me laugh out loud. Thanks. I'm getting happier by the minute. Getting closer to my move date Sunday taz penguin broccoli YIPPEE!

Midgie hearts
Posted by: soot

Re: Hump Day - 11/13/12 09:26 PM

Tomorrow is the half way point woot

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 11/13/12 09:31 PM

Joe, it's a day off for you today, yes? I hope it's wonderful!

Midgie, I am excited with you! I think this is a blessing for you. hearts

soot, and next week is a short week and you get more time off! woot

I have Zumba in the morning and then walk the dogs. I am still free so far, so I am enjoying it while I have it.

Have a fantastic day everyone!

Ana wave
Posted by: SharonB

Re: Hump Day - 11/13/12 10:57 PM

Joe, rotfl thanks

Nan, I'm glad Sassy is home again. Hope he/she is ok?

Flutist, hope Moxie is ok. It's scary when a friend gets to a certain age and becomes ill... sad

Midgie I'm so excited for you! bravo Moving into a new place and even have your own laundry machines... That I envy! thumbsup

Evelyne I'm so sorry for the loss of your things and your peace of mind. frown

NiteOwl07, Melodee sounds like a real character. She must bring you so much joy. cat

Big plans for this morning. I have a doc's appt, then labwork I presume, then pharmacist appt, then bank and finally post office. Walking to all. Very difficult. Most walking I'll have done yet, if I can do it all at one time. Keeping my fingers crossed... zombie

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 11/13/12 11:00 PM

Sharon, you can do it! I have faith in you and think of how great you will feel when you are done. yay
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 02:15 AM

Good morning everybody,have all a
happy day happydance flowers
Posted by: Gimli

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 03:57 AM

Good morning friends wave

Nan: I'am doing a few happydance happydance! So glad that Sassy is home and cheerful again!

Bets: still praying that Moxie will get well soon.

Lotus: awwww, you just made me blush....

Joe: thank you for putting a smile on our face every day! Today though, I had to laugh out loud rotfl
Is it Baby time today? kissy

Midge: so glad everything is changing to the better for you. Can we all come help with the moving?

Hi Soot

Ana: can we have a pic of your new hair style? Happy Zumba class and dog walking and then relaxing (hopefully). kissy

Sharon: we keep our fingers crossed for you too. You go girl!

Hi Haroula: still warm temps in Greece? Have a great day.

It's another day with workmen here. Did I tell you we get a photovoltaics system on our roof? We already have two solar panels to get warm water from the sun, now we decided to install a photovoltaics system in addition, to get the energy from the sun. So from the day the system is working (should be by Friday), we will produce our own electricity, and the surplus we will sell to the electric power company.

See you in the evening again. I wish you all a great and productive day.

Posted by: cailyn

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 04:06 AM

Good morning all waveNan glad Sassy is home and doing better puppySharon like Ana said you can do it!! Bets wishing Moxie well,Midge you'll be in your new place before you know it.Evelyne,Haroula enjoy the day,coffee is ready fall
Posted by: GBC

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 06:12 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, we could all have a dance party this morning.

Midge, so happy for you. You'll be all settled in for Christmas.

Soot, enjoy the day!

Ana, have fun at Zumba class. Hope your freedom lasts awhile.

Sharon, good for you. You can do it!

Haroula, happy day!

Evelyne, how interesting the photovoltaics sounds.

Cailyn, here I am for coffee. Please and thank you.

Got an IEP meeting at school this morning for my youngest. Then grocery shopping today. Wishing everyone a wonderful day!
Posted by: venus

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 08:45 AM

Hello and hope you have a terrific day Joe, Midge, soot, Ana, Sharon, Haroula, Gimli, Cailyn, Gail and all who come in after me. wave

I'm off today, but I have a busy morning/afternoon. My friend and I are going back to the new Wegmans to get some groceries, and we're going to walk around the shopping center where it's located, look in stores and have lunch. rah

As for now, I'm off to have breakfast and get ready to go. Have a great Wednesday, everyone. fall
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 09:53 AM

Good morning everybody. wave

It's a beautiful, sunny, cold morning, and I'm headed over to Mom's. happydance

My friend Shane will be over and we're going head hunting. yay

I hope you all have a super day. yes

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 11:13 AM

Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

I'm hoping for a quiet laundry day today. Soot has the afternoon off, so we will be doing some playing. And some planning to nail down exact plans for next week. I'm shooting at being well enough to go. Wow, Thanksgiving got here early. Can Christmas be far behind?

Back later wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 12:37 PM

Joe have fun head hunting!! Enjoy your time with Baby and thanks for the laughs.

Ana enjoy class and the run with the dogs!! Me and Sassy have been out twice already!! lol Must take advantage of those days without wind.

Sharon like they say in the 'Neverending Story'......Be Confident!!!! You can do it!! Good luck with the doc appointment.

Midge how nice you will be moved before Thanksgiving. happydance I am so happy for you that you found a place so fast and one that you really like!!!

wave Haroula and Cailyn have a lovely day. Cailyn have fun at the gym.

venus have fun with your friend!!

Evelyne how interesting!! I have a friend who made and designed his own solar panels. He rewired his house and let the sun do the work. lol Best part is the selling power to the power company. Have a lovely day!

Gail good luck with the meeting at school!! Have a lovely day!

L4l have fun with the laundry!! Prayers that you are feeling better every day so you may make the trip!!

Soot enjoy the afternoon off!!

No plans till taxi time.

Posted by: Gimli

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 12:55 PM

Hi all, yes Nan, that is the even better part, the selling the power to the power company... lol

Had to supervise the handymen and later I was throwing clay around, so now I'am tired and ripe for the bed. First I'll eat and then I'll sleep. Tomorrow the carrier will bring my work-out device scared and so I have to really start losing weight... yes Will send a pic after it's installed (the crosstrainer).

Wishing you all a happy afternoon and a peaceful evening and for the European ones a good night. Love!

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 01:57 PM

Evelyne, check you email. grin

I Zumba'd and just had some lunch and now I will run the dogs in the woods across the street. I hope the coyotes stay away, they creep me out because they stand their ground instead of running away from you.

I'll be back in a bit.

Nan, I am so glad sassy is feeling better. puppy

Ana wave
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 02:09 PM

Way to go, Evelyne -you will enjoy your house so much now. It's so sunny here in Texas we should promote solar energy more.

Nice weather today, chilly and sunny. I only this were winter. Kits stretched out in the sun, bees buzzing and the baby narcissis is blooming.

Something funny. I finished the 1st mission of Devil May Cry 1 on normal and the game suggested I switch to easy.....O K whatever.

Nan, take care of Sassy -did vet give a diagnosis? We depend on these pets so much, my cat Greta has dissapeared almost 3 weeks now. I guess she's gone, so sad. Only 3 cats now and 1 doggy. Time to adopt some more.

Happy Wednesday all
Posted by: flutist

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 02:42 PM

Hi there Boomers.

Grocery shopping this morning. The sun is shining and it is a pretty nice day. In the 50's.

Hey, I got a question for any of you that can't eat gluten. Can I fix a dish with regular white rice? A friend of Susie's is having surgery on Friday and her husband can't cook, so Susie asked me if I could make a dish that she could give to them. She can't eat gluten. I was thinking of making some kind of rice casserole. Any suggestions?

Well, I need to go do some treadmill.

Have a great day everyone.

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 03:12 PM

Bets, rice is gluten free, but a healthier and much tastier choice is brown or black rice.

Ana wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 03:22 PM

Night Evelyne sleep well!

Aw Yankee maybe she has lost her way and will still show at the door one of these days! HUGS!

Oh Ana be careful out there with the wild!!! Ya never know what they might do.

Bets that is really nice of you to do!! How is Moxie??

Time here to think about getting ready so the taxi may run. Have a wonderful afternoon and evening all.

Night Haroula!!!

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 03:32 PM

We made it through a lovely three miles. I know that the dogs chased something that must have been recent because their noses never left the ground but I made them come back before they got into trouble. lol
Nan, I am glad you were able to get out with Sassy today.

Yankee, I hope your kitty just had some wanderlust and will show up ready to join the clan again. catrub
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 03:53 PM

Ahhhh, hubby is home, cornbread in the oven, soup is hot, and I'm snuggling into my blankie. Life is good. wave
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 04:23 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 04:31 PM

Half way to the weekend Boomers happydance
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 06:43 PM

Hey everybody. wave

I had a great day. Shane and Baby and I roamed all over hill and dell and had a good time. bravo

I found one little point and a part of a broken one. bravo

I'm back home, showered, and settled down for a relaxing evening. yes

I'm gettin hungry though. rolleyes

I'd better go see what there is to eat in this establishment. happydance

I'll be back, so don't go away. thumbsup

Posted by: SharonB

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 07:38 PM

Thank you Ana, Evelyn, Sue, Gail, Nan for your confidence and well-wishes, not to mention the crossed fingers! lol

I did it, I did it, I did it!!! Made it to all those places - Plus walked down to the Subway and had lunch and then after the Post Office I walked over to the Dairy Queen for desert! smile

You were right Ana, I feel a wonderful sense of accomplishment. Plus I was entertained. While I was sitting on a bench outside the Dairy Queen I saw someone try to park and hit the gas instead of the brake. They went up over the parking curb and down into the ditch. Not really funny, but no one was hurt and the car looked so funny with it's back end stuck straight up! I don't think the car was really damaged, though the radiator must have been scraped and I don't know about the front end. They were talking about having a flat bed truck pull it out of there. There were state troopers talking to them when I left. As I said I couldn't have laughed if anyone had been hurt or upset, but everyone was okay and she was driving really slow so not much damage done.

Came home and felt exhausted so went in for a refreshing nap. Feel much better now. Dr.said some good things and is very supportive and takes a very positive approach. I have high hopes that everything is going to be okay.

My next goal for walking is... The Library. I know it can be done. yes
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 07:54 PM

Oh Yankee, so sorry about Greta the cat. Hope she's just off somewhere having a tryst with some hunky male cat. If she's not spayed, maybe she had kittens and is waiting to bring them home. Cats do that to protect the little ones from other cats. I'll keep some good thoughts for you and her.

It's been a hectic day for me. Don't know why. Just seem to be running from here to there and then the phone rings just as I walk in the door and friends want to chat about nothing. Ugh. AND my yard boy, who is finally out of jail, actually came over today (just like he promised) to take out all my yard waste cans that he filled yesterday. Wow. I now have 7 cans of yard waste and 2 cans of recycle and regular trash out front. Takes up a huge area. Hopefully some person from those Apartments won't MOVE my cans like they did last week to fit their car in. I carefully spaced them as directed by the Trash company (2 feet between) and it's a loooong line. I'm watching on my security camera monitor to see if anyone tries to scrunch them together. They had better not. I will be out there and politely yell at them to keep their hands off my can. rotfl
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 08:50 PM

Keeping ones hands off other's cans is always a good idea.

Sharon, woohoo on the walking. Keep it up!

I'm on my 2nd supper....must have hobbit blood. wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 09:48 PM

I am heading back to the corner tomorrow so I quick went to the store and bought groceries and have been in the kitchen making a huge stock pot of chicken soup and navy bean soup. The family can't complain that there is nothing to eat. lol

I finished the chicken already but now I need to get the ham off the bones. Then I can relax. yay

Sharon, I am so proud of you! I knew you could do it. And with your "can do" attitude, I know you can make it to the library! When I ride my bike, I deliberately head 20 or more miles in one direction because I know I have no choice but to turn around and go back the same distance. I would never go as far if there was an easy out. lol

be back...
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 10:46 PM

Night guys, off to bed with Harry (Dresden). Sleep well all sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 11:07 PM

The taxi is done for the night. Well it was a while ago but just been busy. lol

WooHoo Sharon!!! I knew that you would be able to make it!! Nice breaks in there too. Poor lady in the ditch. I'm sure you can make it to the bibliotheque too. lol

Ana wonder what the dogs were on the trail of. headscratch Glad that you had a little warning so you could get the groceries and cook up some food before heading to the corner. Did you enjoy the frre time??? lol

Wow Sorta that's a lot of cans to be picked up. lol Hope they stay where they were put.

Night L4l sleep well!!

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 11/14/12 11:19 PM

Nan, a deer,coyote or fox is my guess.
I love my free time. lol If I could afford it, I would be free all the time. I have so much I would love to do.
I hope you had fun tonight. kissy

L4L, I hope you wake feeling great!

Sweet dreams all...
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 11/15/12 12:07 AM

Ya Ana I had fun tonight.

Time here to say good night also! Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!