What Would YOU do?

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

What Would YOU do? - 11/18/12 01:32 PM

Just found out (thanks to my cousin in another state) that I am owed 8.93 cents from some newspaper company. News to me.

However, while looking that up, on our local state controllers website of 'unclaimed' property, I found my EX hubby is owed over a thousand bucks from a bank account he started when he left me (before the divorce was final).

We have been divorced since 2001 but I sent him a bunch of stuff over a year ago (important stuff) and he never even said thanks or changed his address on that matter so I still get mail for him and his new wife HERE. Now I just toss it.

But, this is a goodly amount of money. My thought is screw the ex and let the State of California put that money to good use somewhere else.

I can't claim it, only the named person can with all the account info to prove it's his, but here's the question:

Would YOU tell the ex that he has money due?
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/18/12 01:44 PM

One can never have too many good karma points.
Posted by: Lotus777

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/18/12 02:05 PM

Probably the right thing to do in spite of how hard it would be. It will come back to you someday in some unexpected form or another.
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/18/12 02:37 PM

Maybe he would offer me 1/2 the money? Ha.

I never thought of Karma, Ana and Lotus. Maybe you are right. I just got so mad when I tried to 'do the right thing' over all that insurance stuff of his (cost me plenty of time calling the people and getting all the info so he could change it and then mega postage on all the stuff) and never heard a word back. Got me not wanting to be 'nice' anymore.

Thinking thinking. think
Posted by: Niki

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/18/12 02:47 PM

you could message him that you have some good news for him to the tune of $1000 but you will have to charge him an up front fee of £500 for the info devil

and if he agrees get it writing lol
Posted by: Gimli

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/18/12 02:47 PM

Awwww yes, Sorta, I would tell him. Since you know it now, thanks to your cousin, you can't pretend to not know. Like Lotus said: it will come back to you in some way if you don't. It's no good for the soul to be so angry at other people Sorta. Take care of your soul. And the Karma, well, we all need lots, aren't we yes

Happy Sunday

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/18/12 03:22 PM

I like Niki's idea! I'd probably get raided by the computer police for extortion though. rotfl
Posted by: Geo

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/19/12 12:43 PM

Since that bank account was there while you were married,I believe you have dower rights which is 1/2.
Posted by: Draclvr

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/19/12 01:38 PM

Geo might be right. Even if your name was not on the account, it might still be considered marital property.

But, it sounds like it might be more trouble than it's worth to get the ex to do the right thing.

Although I personally like Niki's suggestion, one can never have too much good karma!
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/19/12 01:56 PM

Yep, I considered all the good advice and wrote an email to my ex stepdaughter (who has kept in touch with me) and asked her to forward the info on the money my ex could claim along with the proper web links. I might hear something back from her. I guess being 'good' is the better way. I think my conscience would bother me if I didn't let 'him' know.

As for community property, and possibly getting some of the cash, it's too much of a headache to deal with it all. I'd rather he gets the windfall and maybe remembers WHO was nice enough to let him know it was there.

Waiting to see if I hear back from anyone and going to fill out the forms to claim MY measly 8.93. rotfl
Posted by: BobH

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/19/12 02:26 PM

What would I do? That's a tough one. I wouldn't feel any obligation and I wouldn't do it for Karma. For me it would come down to whether or not I think he deserves this windfall.

Sometimes I do good things just to make me feel good about doing them. If I thought he deserved it then I would feel good being the one to help him get it.
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/19/12 02:54 PM

Good for you Sorta because you have a good conscience about this. Maybe a punkie will stick'em up and take it from him. My ex was squirlling money away during the marriage and I found out because the bank by error sent the statement to home instead of his work. And of course I opened it.

You have better things to do than messing with this small stuff. And small people
Posted by: butterflybabe

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/22/12 12:59 PM

Interesting situation, Sorta.

I faced a similar 'conscious' vs to heck with it dilemma at voting time earlier this month. I separated from husband this past May and went to an extended stay hotel. Non-contested divorce so, according to my atty, expected to be done by Sept at the latest. Long story short, his atty has dragged things out and when Sept turned to Oct and the agreement had not yet been filed, I couldn't afford the hotel and moved to a sharing condo situation with an acquaintance who, due to circumstance out of her control is short on $. So I moved in and pay half of what I was paying at hotel per month giving more living space and her the ability to keep the condo. When I informed by spouse about changing addresses, he felt it important to remind me that, since I've not lived at the address on my voting card for over 4 months, they might not let me vote, plus I should have done that anyway after the first month. Said something about minding his own business, hung up and decided not to worry about it as I had more important things on my mind to do.

The Friday before the actual election day, on the spur of the moment, I stopped to early vote. When I was handed a paper to fill out with my address, I decided to come clean. Seems I'm one of those people who always 'do the right thing' and the few times I decide to not be good, I get caught or randomly questioned. So I mentioned my dilemma to a voting official who consulted another one and was given the go ahead to use my old address to vote.

Yes, Sorta, I would tell him and remind him since that account was technically marital property, he owes you half. If it doesn't work/happen, get him subpoenaed to small claims court and see if you can get on either Judge Judy or Judge Marilyn or whomever's show. They'll verbally and legally rip him to pieces.

yes evil
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/22/12 01:28 PM

Love the idea of being on TV judge show. I wonder if I could do that. Did send an email to the ex stepdaughter but haven't heard anything back yet. I did 'my' part. Will probably never hear anything. He's moved on, doesn't want to deal with things (he never did). At least my conscience is clear. Whew.
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/22/12 01:59 PM

I had one of the ugliest 4-year 40 thousand dollar divorces/custody battles and left my expensive house and possessions and never got child support for 12 years and you know what? I called my ex this morning to wish him a happy Thanksgiving as I usually do. Life is too short to hold a grudge and be angry and vindictive. Be the bigger person, it may be hard, but it's easier to look in the mirror every day for the rest of your life.
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/22/12 04:09 PM

Oooo Ana, sounds like your experience was like "War of the Roses", loved that movie. Divorce nastiness to the ultimate. My 2 divorces were much easier. I just wrote my own divorce papers, handed them to a paralegal to file and it was all over. The paralegal asked what law school I graduated from? rotfl He was dumbfounded when I said I just did it myself. First one I just divided up all the assets (didn't have kids or own a house) and I had to appear in court (judge summoned me) to have him ask why I wasn't asking for alimony and that my soon to be ex could ask for it from me since I made more money. Thank goodness he never asked. He had a sweet deal anyway. Just gave him his car, his possessions, and any credit bills that he could handle on his salary. I took the lion's share. Just glad to have it over.

Second time, I asked for alimony because I kept the house (mega mortgage payments). He was nice to do a quitclaim (I had to do ALL the paperwork for everything) but was thankful we didn't have to sell. I probably would have contested that anyway since I had lived there for 20 years before he moved in and had plenty of sweat equity in it when we bought it only 2 years before the divorce.

I sure hope the 2nd ex follows up on the money. It's a good amount and he's retiring this year. Could come in handy.

Also found that 1st hubby has money due too! But he's somewhere in Mexico living on a ranch and I have no way to contact him. His loss.

Gave my teacher friend who I had lunch with a copy of HIS refund notice. It's a whopping 2 bucks! We all laughed. He's going to call his insurance company (where it's from) and tell them to send him 2 bucks and save the 45 cent stamp for the formal request from the state. Ha.
Posted by: butterflybabe

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/24/12 02:17 PM

Divorce is nasty no matter how simple or complicated; definitely brings out the worst in people. Shortly after turning over the major assets info to my atty, realized I did not want to be living there thru the negotiations so I reserved a place at a local hotel. When I told him, he brought up the suitcases, told me not to forget my wedding dress and bought himself a new car with inherited $. Thankfully we don't have kids involved so it's just the 2 of us. He makes 2x what I do yet still fought maintenance. I spent 30 yrs with my parents, then 30 yrs with him, now I look forward to finally being on my own for as long as the fates allow.

I do agree with not holding a grudge, tho. My husband's not a horrible guy, I've outgrown him which bruised his ego. His sister, the only sibling I care about, is very nice. I do hope that, at time point, I can remain friends but that's the possible future. Now, he signs papers on Tuesday and I pray my atty can find time on the judge's schedule to get this done this year so that I don't have to deal with him with 2012 taxes.

We shall see. Trying to be open to whatever's meant to happen. Certainly didn't expect this year to turn out as it did.
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/24/12 04:38 PM

Sorry about your bad year butterflybabe. I know how you feel. Hopefully the income tax stuff will go well. We had our taxes filed by a friend of the Landlord 3 years before our divorce. When we filed after the divorce, the IRS AUDITED us and we owed mega money because of a major error the tax preparer made. Was a mess for me, not the ex, since I choose to do the negotiations myself and pay the extra tax. Was so much easier than quibbling about who did what to whom and bringing up old feelings.

Good luck with all that you are going through.

And as I once said to my ex hubby's brother when he yelled at me about 'breaking up his first marriage', "sometimes you just gotta do what makes you happy".

If you are miserable something has to change. I chose to change husbands and that made me happy. Didn't last forever (hubby 2) but it was great while it did. Don't regret anything.

So just do what you gotta do and be happy!
Posted by: Draclvr

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/24/12 05:02 PM

So just do what you gotta do and be happy!

Words to live by, Sorta! I've buried 2 husbands and am on my 3rd - and last! Exactly my philosophy in life too.
Posted by: Lex

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/25/12 04:53 AM

As a mediator, I always enjoy hearing about sensible/amicable outcomes following separation and as a collaborative divorce lawyer i try to steer my clients in that direction, but I make my real money from the clients who would probably prefer to kill their ex-partners/spouses! wink
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: What Would YOU do? - 11/25/12 12:12 PM

Hey Lex, that sounds like a fun and challenging job. Actually, one of the reasons I decided to be oh so nice about my divorces (didn't want to 'ruin' their lives financially or otherwise) and because my first hubby was a Sheriff deputy and owned several guns (also ex MP military), and he had a very nasty temper, I decided I didn't want to provoke any bad incidents.

Came home one day after we made the final 'decision' and found him sitting there with a gun to his head. I laughed and told him I wasn't impressed and he laughed and showed me it wasn't loaded. Still...it was enough to make me think about the what ifs. Then I hid all his bullets. 6 months later he came back and asked sheepishly if I could give him the bullets now that everything was settled. I figured he was calm enough then since he was already married to his girlfriend (the reason for our divorce in the first place).

Too bad I forgot to take his house key then, because while I was off on a trip, he looted the house of everything he didn't take when we divided up stuff. I'm still finding missing items I didn't know he took. Half of my antique chair set of 12 (which I had lovingly refinished), my rare wood kitchen table (ditto for refinishing), ALL the yard chairs, all the chairs in the house (rocking, bar stools), all the camping equipment, our silverware set (stainless duh?), all the knives. Oh and some nice old crocks that we had indoors with palms in them. I didn't miss them for a year until I saw a picture I'd taken. I spoke to him once after that and he explained he would have taken some 'larger' stuff but couldn't fit it in his car! Geeee.

He wanted our cat, but thank goodness it was at a neighbor's house. Poor kitty would have been traumatized after 10 years here and moving to a small smoke filled apartment!

And the kicker, I came home from work one day to find some playing cards on the back step. Aces and 8's, which I later found out was the 'dead man's hand?'. He was an avid card player and this was from his favorite deck. Never really knew what was in his mind. That was 17 years ago so I think I'm safe now.rotfl

Second hubby made mega money and was hiding a lot of it in the last year before I got wise to his intentions. I decided to just let him keep his 'secrets' and ask for enough spousal support to cover my bills and not quibble over his 'stock options'. Made it easier to work things out. He decided on the amount and the time of payment. THEN halfway through, he decided to stop paying the support (said he had 'paid enough') so I bluffed him by saying it wouldn't be good for his executive position to have his driver's license revoked or be arrested at work and how I already had the paperwork filled out to file and it wouldn't cost me a penny. He agreed and we worked out a plan for him to pay less each month, for a longer time and WITH interest (all my idea). I finally after a few more hiccups in that area got the entire amount he had intended to pay. I didn't ask for a specific, he figured it all out himself and I kept reminding him of his promise. I sent him a nice thank you note after it was all paid. Never heard back from him.

Psychology works well on some people. Now he's happily married again (3rd one for him) and I'm oh so happy being single.