Posted by: gymcandy1

Saturdiner - 11/23/12 10:52 PM

Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
Alfred Hitchcock (1899 - 1980

USA Senior Health Care Solution
So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. Your are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered. And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes any more.



Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans
overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on.
Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.
He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP!!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.


Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.

Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. They are practicing to be men.

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy

Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q. Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A. It helps them remember which end to wipe...

Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A. Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'


"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" To which she replied "Probably that I married you for your money."

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back, 'OHIO STATE!' And they say blondes are dumb!


Man, I'll tell ya, women are cold until the end!
The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini.'
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.
The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.' The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, 'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??'
'Because I don't want any of those witches sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'
And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In Order'

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best
to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who
knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to
Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty..
You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline.
Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always
late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be
something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people
trying to see him. He'll look the size of20an ant.
Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser
asked her about her trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one
of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped
us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a
handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling
job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were
overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know
you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss
Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet
some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private
room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and
shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really! What'd he say?"
He said: "Who gave you the lousy hair-do?"

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Welcome to the weekend! turkey

Black Friday is over. Now I have Black Saturday, and Black Sunday off. Woo Hoo! penguin

I go back to work on Really Dark Monday for the next Midnight Black Week, but I'll worry bout dat later. razz

Two days off. What will I do? think

I'll think of something. duh

Something culturally uplifting.

Something educational and enlightening.

Have a happy day everybody.

Posted by: venus

Re: Saturdiner - 11/23/12 11:26 PM

Enjoy your weekend, Joe. thumbsup

Have a terrific Saturday Joe and all who come in after me. wave

Well, I have to work in the morning, unusual for me on a Saturday. I really should have been asleep already, but I had to stay up and download my new game. I know, my priorities are all askew. lol

Anyway, off to bed now, and I may or may not say a quick hi and bye in the morning, depending on how much time I have.

Hope everyone has a fantastic Saturday. fall
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturdiner - 11/23/12 11:36 PM

Joe, woohoo on the weekend off! yay Give Baby a hug for me.

Venus, I am glad you survived black Friday and hope work goes by fast today.

My zumba instructor just reminded me she is teaching another early class tomorrow and I should go so if I get up in time, it'll be a repeat of today.

Midgie, really glad you are in your new place. I hope your new neighbors will end up being friends. Very excited for you.

Have a great day everyone!
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 02:14 AM

Good morning Joe,venus,Ana and all. wave
Here if we call something black it means
<bad>,something terrible happen yes
Im glad that it is something good (for stores).
Is cleaning day smirkso time to start...
Have all a nice day fall
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 03:49 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Venus,Haroula,and all who are to follow me in wave Coffee is ready! have a terrific day everyone turkey
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 05:08 AM

penguin Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus, Haroula, and Cailyn. Joe enjoy your 2 days off! broccoli Ana have fun at Zumba class. yay Venus hope it's not to busy at work today. yes Haroula just whistle while you work! whistle Cailyn hope all is well with you. catrub Wishing all my Boomer buddies a very Happy Saturday! penguin
Posted by: connie

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 07:11 AM

Good morning everyone. I think a trip to the grocery store is in the cards today. Robert got home from California safely last night. His first plane was late getting in so he missed his connecting flight and had to wait for a differant one. To all here and all who follow, have a Super Saturday. Danish, Waffles, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. penguin
Posted by: GBC

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 08:56 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, enjoy your weekend.

Venus, don't work too hard.

Ana, enjoy your Zumba class again.

Haroula, enjoy your cleaning day.

Cailyn, coffee sounds terrific!

Gerry, have a great day.

Connie, glad Robert made it home safely. Danish is good this morning.

Midgie, enjoy your new place.

Nan, I put the Christmas tree up last night. lol

Happy weekend to All! Shpping with the girls today!
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 09:13 AM

eek I see snow flakes crazy
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 09:15 AM

Good morning everybody. wave

It doesn't seem like a Saturday to me. I got up at about 7:15 and had breakfast, and then had a tummy ache for a half hour. I don't think it's my cooking, just my diet. lol

Now I'm trying to finish my coffee and do some surfing or gaming before I take Pepper and go to Mom's. thumbsup

It's abundantly sunny today, and looking to get up around 61 degrees.

I'm looking forward to getting out and head hunting with Baby. puppy

I hope all Boomers are having a good after Thanksgiving weekend. bravo

Posted by: manxman

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 09:45 AM

Good morning everyone wave It's cold here with some white stuff blowing around in the wind brrrrrrrr smile
Hope you all have a great weekend.
Posted by: Midge

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 09:46 AM

Good morning. Thanks Joe for your openers. Enjoy your weekend off. Hi Ana, venus, Haroula, Sue, Gerry, Connie, Gail kissy, SQFan, and all who follow me in today. I don't have to be at work until 5:00 this afternoon. I'm hanging pictures and still emptying a few boxes. I'll be busy til I have to go to work. Ana I've already met a couple of my neighbors. They're all so nice. Also some have animals. I met a tiny miniature collie. What a cutie. I hear you Sweetie. You're asking if I'm thinking of getting an animal. Well, to have a cat it's $40 extra a month. To own a small dog it's $50 more a month. Can't afford either right now but maybe in the future. When I need a doggie fix I just go over to Rob and Jen's. They have a black Lab.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 10:23 AM

I am off and running to stay warm. It was only 3F out there when me and Sassy went walking. A little Canadian Blast of cold air. lol

May everybody have a wonderful day!

wave Joe, Ana, Haroula, Cailyn, Gerry, venus, Connie(glad Robert made it home safely), Gail( lol ) enjoy the tree, Space, Manxman, and Midge!!!

Posted by: Darlene

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 11:33 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Enjoy your days off!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Phone chat with best bud this morning, then more chillaxin'..... smile

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 12:00 PM

Haroula, the original meaning of Black Friday was indeed a not pleasant one as you can read here.

Sue, enjoy your day!

Gerry, I woke up with a headache and went back to lay down for a few minutes and I fell back asleep and missed my class. oops I hope your day is wonderful!

Connie, glad that Robert got home okay.

Gail, have fun shopping!

SpaceQ, I guess we can't hold them off any longer. I blame Nan for blowing them here. lol

Joe, do I need to set you up with a weekly menu? I have to do that with my daughter, I am good at it. grin I hope you are feeling better now and have a fantastic day with Baby!

manxman, stay warm!

Midgie, I am so glad you are enjoying your new place. I think this was a blessing for you. hearts

Nan, you didn't slide into winter, you jumped in with both feet! Stay warm and have a happy day.

Darlene, enjoy your chat and relaxing day.

I am off to walk the dogs shortly. I found a spot in the woods with owls and I am going to see if I can actually capture them on film today. yay The rest of day will be working in the corner.

Have a great day everyone!
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 02:56 PM

Ana thanks for the imfo. smile
Bed time for me sleep wave
Posted by: flutist

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 02:57 PM

Well, I finally made it here today. Brrrr, it was 23 this morning. Didn't take Cory till a little while ago. I guess we are just wimps when it comes to really cold temps.

Nothing exciting going this weekend, I guess we will just cruise along and do whatever suits our mood.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 04:01 PM

Gee Ana.......sharing is caring!!!! lol We have more moving in as I type. Hope the project work is going well.

Bets we have warmed up to 22F. lol Enjoy the day!

Night Haroula sleep well.

Darlene enjoy your buddy chat and the day!

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 04:53 PM

22 degrees????? Oh lucky you. I won't tell you (yes I will) but our temp today is a glorious 73. I feel like lying out on the lawn and soaking up some rays. rotfl
Posted by: Midge

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 09:38 PM

Saying good night now. Home from work and just relaxing before bed. I have an early shift in the morning. Night all.

Midgie sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Saturdiner - 11/24/12 10:46 PM

Night Midge sleep well. How is the unpacking going???

lol Sorta!!! It don't bother me. That's pretty normal for this time of the year.

It has been snowing all evening and everything is nice and pretty white!! Even Sassy likes the ksnow. lol


Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!!