Posted By: gymcandy1
Monday - 11/26/12 01:31 AM
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
Woody Allen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "I don't think you can keep your head down that long."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer."
Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better."
The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four!...Three!...Two!...One!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Generally, he was driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the heck is taking so long? Hit the ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
His partner ponders this for a moment, and then replies:
"Forget it man, you don`t stand a snowball`s chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why did the golfer wear tho pairs of pants?
A. In case he got a hole in one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just been to the gym and there's a new machine. Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick. Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps' !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If my main parachute doesn't open and my reserve parachute doesn't open, how long till I hit the ground?
- the rest of your life...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.
The man then replies: Yeah, well we were married 35 years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
It‘s Monday/Moanday/Mourning, for moi. That‘s French for “me“………..or is it Hawaiian for “more“??
Yeah that‘s it, because we will have more heat today. Moi heat.
I think the heat melted away half of my day off.
It might have melted half my brain.
I was sitting on the couch doing nothing at all, and I looked up and it was dark.
Today will be an early day for me going 5:00 to 2:00, so at least I’ll be home early.
Time for bed.
I’ll see you all after that last piece of sand drops from the old work hour glass.
joe
Woody Allen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "I don't think you can keep your head down that long."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer."
Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better."
The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four!...Three!...Two!...One!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Generally, he was driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the heck is taking so long? Hit the ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
His partner ponders this for a moment, and then replies:
"Forget it man, you don`t stand a snowball`s chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why did the golfer wear tho pairs of pants?
A. In case he got a hole in one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just been to the gym and there's a new machine. Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick. Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps' !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If my main parachute doesn't open and my reserve parachute doesn't open, how long till I hit the ground?
- the rest of your life...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.
The man then replies: Yeah, well we were married 35 years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
It‘s Monday/Moanday/Mourning, for moi. That‘s French for “me“………..or is it Hawaiian for “more“??
Yeah that‘s it, because we will have more heat today. Moi heat.
I think the heat melted away half of my day off.
It might have melted half my brain.
I was sitting on the couch doing nothing at all, and I looked up and it was dark.
Today will be an early day for me going 5:00 to 2:00, so at least I’ll be home early.
Time for bed.
I’ll see you all after that last piece of sand drops from the old work hour glass.
joe
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Bets, BobH, manxman, Haroula, venus, and Cailyn. Sounds like everyone has there day planned! Enjoy the day all! 
We're safely back from our turkey day trip enjoying a great time with son's family and new grandson...oh my what a cutie pie. But the time has come to get back to business, so I am off to work and wishing everyone a great Monday!
Been busy, busy!! Start one thing and that leads to another thing which in turn leads to even something else and the first one didn't get done till last. 
