Posted By: gymcandy1
Thursday's Big Adventure - 11/29/12 07:04 AM
Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.
Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DID YOU KNOW?
>
>
>
> If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on the right side of your mouth.
>
> If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on the left side of your mouth.
>
> To make half a kilo of honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2 million individual flowers.
>
> Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by 'Bayer'.
>
> Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult!
>
> People in nudist colonies play volleyball more than any other sport .
>
> Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined.
>
> Astronauts can't belch - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs.
>
> Ancient Roman, Chinese and German societies often used urine as mouthwash.
>
> The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. In the Renaissance era, it was fashion to shave them off!
>
> Because of the speed at which Earth moves around the Sun, it is impossible for a solar eclipse to last more than 7 minutes and 58 seconds.
>
> The night of January 20 is "Saint Agnes's Eve", which is regarded as a time when a young woman dreams of her future husband.
>
> Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros .
>
> It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!
>
> Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years .
>
> Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end .
>
> If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.
>
> Each year 2,000,000 smokers either quit smoking or die of tobacco-related diseases.
>
> Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals.
>
> Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.
>
> The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.
>
> Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent
>
> Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450 F.
>
> The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.
>
> Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean.
>
> The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man.
>
> Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density.
>
> The University of Alaska spans four time zones.
>
> The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.
>
> In ancient Greece , tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted.
>
> Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday.
>
> Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
>
> A comet's tail always points away from the sun.
>
> The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent.
>
> Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.
>
> The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armour raised their visors to reveal their identity.
>
> If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.
>
> When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight.
>
> In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed.
>
> Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside.
>
> Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams.
>
> The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year.
>
> The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust.
>
> Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters.
>
> Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy.
>
> Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down.
>
> Everything weighs one percent less at the equator.
>
> For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift-off.
>
> The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.
>
> And last but not least:
>
> In 2012, December has 5 Saturdays, 5 Sundays and 5 Mondays. This apparently happens once every 823 years!
>
> This is called 'money bags'. So send this on to 5 and money will arrive in 5 days.
>
> Based on Chinese Feng Shui, the one who does not pass this on will have money troubles for the rest of the year.
>
> Live simply.
>
> Love generously.
>
> Care deeply.
> Speak kindly.
> Leave the rest to God.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed
out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong
one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , San Francisco
2... At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . Replied
the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes , Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her Reporting to the rest of the
family that he had Died of a 'massive internal [blip].'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
One of his medications. ?Which one?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch... The Nurse
told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a
new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair , Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long
have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered ..
. . ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?' ?It's very
good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.
Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced A foil packet
labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf , Detroit ,
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with
purple hair styled Into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, Entered . . . It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was Scheduled for
immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating Table,
the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there
was a Tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, Which said 'Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name,
AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst
out laughing And further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and
sheepishly said. . .. ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with
tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . ..
' No doctor but the song you were whistling was .. . . ' I wish I was an
Oscar Meyer Wiener .'
Dr. Wouldn't submit his name....
1 MORE
Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied..
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is
underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
But I'm glad I came.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Good morning BoomerLand! Ho Ho Ho!
Twenty six shopping days left don't you know.
Hope you've made your list and checked it twice.
If I'm not on it check it again just to be nice.
You won't find me listed under good or bad. I'm more likely found under 'willfully immature'.
I could be this, or I could be that. I think that I'm just not entirely for sure.
I'm sure of this though:
Christmas is a time for getting.
I'll Forget who still owes me money.
I'll Forget who has made me mad.
I'll Forget what has made me sad.
I'll Forget the pain that I've had.
Christmas is a time to be leaving.
I Believe in the future at hand.
I Believe in the goodness of man.
I Believe there'll be positive changes for me.
I Believe my best assets are friends and family.
You may be for getting, or you may be leaving.
Just don't forget to believe.
Well that's enough of that to be sure.
Any more and my coffee will start to taste salty.
Have a happy forgetful day everyone.
joe
I forgot what I was going to do next.
Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DID YOU KNOW?
>
>
>
> If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on the right side of your mouth.
>
> If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on the left side of your mouth.
>
> To make half a kilo of honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2 million individual flowers.
>
> Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by 'Bayer'.
>
> Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult!
>
> People in nudist colonies play volleyball more than any other sport .
>
> Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined.
>
> Astronauts can't belch - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs.
>
> Ancient Roman, Chinese and German societies often used urine as mouthwash.
>
> The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. In the Renaissance era, it was fashion to shave them off!
>
> Because of the speed at which Earth moves around the Sun, it is impossible for a solar eclipse to last more than 7 minutes and 58 seconds.
>
> The night of January 20 is "Saint Agnes's Eve", which is regarded as a time when a young woman dreams of her future husband.
>
> Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros .
>
> It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!
>
> Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years .
>
> Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end .
>
> If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.
>
> Each year 2,000,000 smokers either quit smoking or die of tobacco-related diseases.
>
> Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals.
>
> Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.
>
> The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.
>
> Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent
>
> Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450 F.
>
> The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.
>
> Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean.
>
> The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man.
>
> Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density.
>
> The University of Alaska spans four time zones.
>
> The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.
>
> In ancient Greece , tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted.
>
> Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday.
>
> Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
>
> A comet's tail always points away from the sun.
>
> The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent.
>
> Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.
>
> The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armour raised their visors to reveal their identity.
>
> If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.
>
> When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight.
>
> In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed.
>
> Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside.
>
> Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams.
>
> The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year.
>
> The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust.
>
> Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters.
>
> Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy.
>
> Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down.
>
> Everything weighs one percent less at the equator.
>
> For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift-off.
>
> The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.
>
> And last but not least:
>
> In 2012, December has 5 Saturdays, 5 Sundays and 5 Mondays. This apparently happens once every 823 years!
>
> This is called 'money bags'. So send this on to 5 and money will arrive in 5 days.
>
> Based on Chinese Feng Shui, the one who does not pass this on will have money troubles for the rest of the year.
>
> Live simply.
>
> Love generously.
>
> Care deeply.
> Speak kindly.
> Leave the rest to God.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed
out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong
one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , San Francisco
2... At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . Replied
the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes , Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her Reporting to the rest of the
family that he had Died of a 'massive internal [blip].'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
One of his medications. ?Which one?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch... The Nurse
told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a
new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair , Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long
have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered ..
. . ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?' ?It's very
good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.
Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced A foil packet
labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf , Detroit ,
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with
purple hair styled Into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, Entered . . . It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was Scheduled for
immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating Table,
the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there
was a Tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, Which said 'Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name,
AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst
out laughing And further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and
sheepishly said. . .. ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with
tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . ..
' No doctor but the song you were whistling was .. . . ' I wish I was an
Oscar Meyer Wiener .'
Dr. Wouldn't submit his name....
1 MORE
Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied..
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is
underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
But I'm glad I came.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Good morning BoomerLand! Ho Ho Ho!
Twenty six shopping days left don't you know.
Hope you've made your list and checked it twice.
If I'm not on it check it again just to be nice.
You won't find me listed under good or bad. I'm more likely found under 'willfully immature'.
I could be this, or I could be that. I think that I'm just not entirely for sure.
I'm sure of this though:
Christmas is a time for getting.
I'll Forget who still owes me money.
I'll Forget who has made me mad.
I'll Forget what has made me sad.
I'll Forget the pain that I've had.
Christmas is a time to be leaving.
I Believe in the future at hand.
I Believe in the goodness of man.
I Believe there'll be positive changes for me.
I Believe my best assets are friends and family.
You may be for getting, or you may be leaving.
Just don't forget to believe.
Well that's enough of that to be sure.
Any more and my coffee will start to taste salty.
Have a happy forgetful day everyone.
joe
I forgot what I was going to do next.
Have a great day, everyone. 
