Friday's Dazzling Daze

Posted by: gymcandy1

Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 01:12 AM

There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up.
Booker T. Washington

Temperature Effect
Its amazing what effect temperature has on things...

60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe).

50 Miami residents turn on the heat.

40 You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming.

35 Italian cars don't start.

32 Water freezes.

30 You plan your vacation to Australia. Minnesotans put on T-shirts. Politicians begin to worry about the homeless. British cars don't start.

25 Boston water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming.

20 You can hear your breath. Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation further south.

15 French cars don't start. You plan a vacation in Mexico. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.

10 Too cold to ski. You need jumper cables to get the car going.

5 You plan your vacation in Houston. American cars don't start.

0 Alaskans put on T-shirts. Too cold to skate.

-10 German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink.

-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist.

-20 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start.

-25 Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going.

-30 You plan a two week hot bath. The Mighty Monongahela freezes. Swedish cars don't start.

-40 Californians disappear Minnesotans button top button Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip south.

-50 Congressional hot air freeze Alaskans close the bathroom window.

-80 Hell freezes over Polar bears move south.

-90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.


Tickle Me Elmo:

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."


"If you're going to work here young man, " said the boss, "the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm." "Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" "Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man. "And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss.


Fun things for professors to do on the first day of class:

1.Wear a hood with one eye hole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2.After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
3.After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"
4.wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
5.Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
6.Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask 'me', Winky Willy."
7.If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
8.Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in you grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk."
9.Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird."
10.Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.
11.Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.
12.Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.
13.Announce "you'll need this," and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.
14.Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
15.Start the lecture by dancing and lip-synching to James Brown's "Sex Machine."
16.Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.
17.Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.
18.Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.
19.Address students as "worm."
20.Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
21.Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Sometimes I'm just too tired to even try to be
funny. tired

Four days down, two to go.

Two closes down, and two to go, and after closing, my feet literally feel like I'm walking on pins and needles. smirk

Don't ask me which feels worse, the pins or the needles. razz

On the positive side, at least I don't feel that way when I sit down. scared

Also on the positive side, I absolutely positively need to get to the bedroom and use my bed.

I like to lay on it and do my impression of a paper weight. sleep

Actually I think it's more like a sheet weight. snicker

The only thing I like doing more than that is lying on the couch doing my impression of a vegetable.

OY! I hope these old feet will carry me all the way back there.

Although I have some experience with crawling, I prefer to keep that option as a last resort.

Have a happy day everyone. wave

Posted by: cailyn

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 02:24 AM

Good morning Joe and everyone santaI hope today is a great day for you all!Coffee is a brewing puppy
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 02:24 AM

Good morning and happy day gameboomers.
Junior had a little accident yesterday.
He fell and hit his head near his eye cry
in the corner of the table in the living room.
Imagine what happens after...
Any way,he is fine but with a rip near his eye yes
Well off to work wave
Posted by: JennyP

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 04:11 AM

Good morning everyone - sorry not popped by for a while, things not going so well as per usual.
Hope everyone and their pets are well & happy.
Last day of week off and just about to go to the zoo. Hot chocolate drink with calorie free whipped cream in the corner for you all - its icy today.
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 05:34 AM

santa Good Morning Joe, Cailyn, Haroula and JennyP. Joe hope the feet feel better. Cailyn you are up sooo early! Poor Junior, Haroula. Glad it's just a bump. JennyP I hope things get better for you. I'm thinking of you! Take Care. Hope it's a quiet Friday for all! santa
Posted by: Midge

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 05:57 AM

Good morning. Thanks Joe for your openers this morning.You got me laughing. Have a great day. Morning Sue, Haroula, Jenny, Gerry, and all who follow me in. Jenny it's so good to see you here in the diner. Hope you are well. kissy
I have an early shift this morning. See you guys later. Be good. Exercise smile

Midgie hearts
Posted by: venus

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 06:00 AM

Off for yet another work whoosh. wave Have a terrific Friday, everyone. fall santa
Posted by: GBC

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 06:43 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Good day is wished to all!

Whooshing off. Got a Doc appointment this morning. Be back later. santa
Posted by: connie

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 06:54 AM

Good morning everyone. Gail, prayers for your Dr. visit. angel Shopping with SIL later today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish and Waffles in the NC. santa
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 10:13 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Friday's Dazzling!

Gail, prayers going up for your doctor's appointment! hearts

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 10:43 AM

Good morning all puppy

I'm up and sipping and surfing for a minute before I leave for my eye doctor's appointment. The Cully here lying on the couch upside down whilst playing Mario. Son (dad) is still quite sick, and going back to lie down til I have to leave.

I have cleaning and book cooking in my future, and apparently petting dogs as my hand is being flung off the keyboard with regularity.

Back later wave
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 12:41 PM

Good morning everyone. wave

I'm on my way out the door to do a few errands before work. yes

It's very overcast and windy here but, we are supposed to be in the 70s for the rest of the week. Even close to 80 on Saturday & Sunday. smirk

I hope you all have a very nice day. fall

Posted by: Lotus777

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 01:00 PM

Good Morning Joe, Sue, Haroula, Jenny, Gerry, Midgie, venus, Gail, Connie, Darlene and L4L!! And to all who come after! wink

Sorry about your little guy Haroula, glad he will be okay.

So happy to see you here Jenny, hang in there!!

Prayers for your doctor appt. Gail.

Hope you don't get son's bug, L4L1

May your work day go fast and easy, Joe.

I suppose Miss Ana is hard at it in the naughty corner.

West Coast still getting hard hit with storms. Inland is actually getting higher winds right now.

Adios and Happy Gaming!!! wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 01:24 PM

Good afternoon boomies. Not in the corner yet, still waiting, but I had to zoom off to Zumba this morning and then was on the phone with daughter for a long time. Now I am fed and ready to run the dogs in the woods.

I found a large hornets nest yesterday. Hornets nest
I know where not to walk next spring. grin

Haroula, I hope your little one is okay.

Gail, prayers your doctor has good news for you.

be back after my walk....

Ana wave
Posted by: JennyP

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 01:32 PM

Back from the zoo, popping pics on Facebook. Poor half starved Jaffa was very glad to see me, its his annual check up next week and I KNOW the vet will mention he weighs the same as a ten ton truck ..
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 02:36 PM

Hi all. Just got back from the lawyer's and all legal stuff and will etc in order -glad that's over.

Karen how's it going? And Mojo and pets?

Hi Jenny -good to hear from you. So Jaffa grew up into a respectible cat -fat, lazy, giving the orders etc. What's Pepper been doing lately. Drop by more

Up to 81 today o joy.

To all shooters fans -Black ops 2 is a good game. The battles are chalenging, good story. The kinda numerous cut scenes do fit well into the story. However for continous shooting Killzone 2 can't be beat.

Bye for now
Posted by: JennyP

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 02:41 PM

Hi Yankee. Pepper gets lots of exercise hiding from Jaffa ... They are both sitting on the table together without fighting !!!!!!!!!!!! Oh bother, I forgot the no cats on the table rule.
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 02:51 PM

Well I almost made it here a couple times this morning but things got in the way. Roomie came in with her computer so I could put a power supply box in. It was kinda dirty so I took it all apart all apart and cleaned everything.

The supply box wasn't the right one as the pin for the motherboard didn't have enough pins. sad So I had to take that one out and put the old one back in till a new one can be had.

Now it is time to think about getting ready so the taxi can run!!

Joe thanks for the laughs and hope the day flies!

Ana have fun on the run!!!

Haroula that happened to my daughter when she was two and she had to have a couple stitches. eek Hope your son is fine!! HUGS!

Gail prayers for the doc appointment!! HUGS!!!

Lotus try to stop those storms as they are heading this way when they leave your place. lol

L4l prayers you stay healthy!!! Good luck at the eye doc!!

wave Cailyn, Gerry, venus, Midge, Darlene, Connie(thanks for the danish!) have a lovely day!

Jenny great to see you!! Hope you had a lovely visit at the zoo!!! Reeses in the corner with some grape juice!!

Off I go............have a nice afternoon and evening all.

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 03:01 PM

Ok, back from the eye doc. She stuck a needle in my eye. Too funny. I'll go back and pick up my meds in a bit. Now I have to remember to put cold compresses on it. wave
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 03:29 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: flutist

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 03:47 PM

Good afternoon all.

Started the day out at Wally World. Been doing laundry and house cleaning. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day so have to get things done today. Memorial service for Greg is tomorrow morning then our friends Dave and Carol are coming over for dinner. Making sweet and sour pork in the crock pot.

Well, I really need to go do a few more things but just wanted to check in here before the day got away from me.

Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 06:17 PM

Welcome to the weekend Boomers. thumbsup
Posted by: Midge

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 08:25 PM

L4L eek A needle in your eye???? Ouchie. I have an early shift tomorrow so I'm calling it a day. I'll try and get some pics together of my apartment this weekend.

Night all.

Midgie sleep
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 08:58 PM

Well, the Per has been a very grouchy tired child all day. We just had a very long conversation about lying to me and the very drastic consequences that are about to land on him. I hate it when kids learn to lie.

The great medicine adventure is finally over. Took 6 hours and many phone calls. Time to go put a compress on my eye. Then I think I'm going to watch some of the accumulated shows on my dvr.

Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 09:17 PM

Good night Boomers wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 10:12 PM

Taxi home and parked!! Had a good time.

L4l hope the eye gets better soonest!! HUGS! Hope the Per learns that it is always best to tell the truth.

Space hope you have a nice weekend!!

Bets sounds like you had a busy day!! Prayers for tomorrow. HUGS!

Midge sleep well!

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Friday's Dazzling Daze - 11/30/12 11:31 PM

L4L, that sounds ucky! I hope your eye is okay.

The dogs and I had a great walk today, but I think Merlin is done for a couple days. He would run all day if I let him, but he is really pitiful when we get home.

I am back in the corner...

See you all in the morning.

Ana wave