TGIF

Posted by: gymcandy1

TGIF - 12/06/12 10:12 PM

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain
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Year after year Bubba's wife pleaded with him to take her fishing but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it. She, finally, wore him down, he consented, and early one morning they took off to the lake. They had not been there very long when the fish began biting. Almost as fast as they cast, a fish would bite, and they reeled it in. After catching their limit, Bubba said, Martha, sweet thang, I'm sorry. You've been good luck and I'm gonna bring you with me the next time. If you'll mark the spot where we caught all these fish, we'll go home.
On the way home, Bubba turned to Verna Lou and said, Sweet thang, how did you mark the spot were all the fish are so next time I'll know? Bubba, darlin', I put a big 'X' on the side of the boat right down closest to the water. Sweet thang, that's about the dumbest thing I ever seed you do. Don't you know that won't work? We may not get the same boat the next time!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a program they had funded with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shoot!" Only the state of Wisconsin was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey, hold my beer and watch this!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees."

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said...FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labour.
The nurse tells the first man, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!"

"What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!"

The nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets!"

"Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!"

When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.

"Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!"

At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong.

"What's wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy.
St. Peter goes through the Book several times, furrows his brow and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you ever did anything really bad in your life, but you never did anything really good either. If you can point to even one really good deed--you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and saw a giant group of Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em ripping the clothes off this terrified young woman.

Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang, a Huge Guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me. So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Layed him out. Then I turned and yelled at the rest of them, 'Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

St. Peter, impressed, says, "Really? When did this happen?"

"Oh, about two minutes ago."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, 'You've been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.'
The cats says, 'Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that he made the cat.

The mice said, 'All our lives we've had to run. We've been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,

'How are you doing? Are you happy here?'

The cat yawns and stretches and says, 'Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning. Good morning. A new day is a forming. santadance

Since it's so early in the morning... ...new thoughts are a forming in my head as well. Although some believe all is NOT well in my head.

Nobody cares what my sister thinks though. snicker

Anyway, my thoughts are largely incoherent. That's nothing to do with how early it is though.

They're just largely incoherent. rolleyes12

Whenever I say something to someone, they usually ask me "What did you say?" or something nice like, "What have you been drinking?"

That's if they're not running from me yelling "Get away from me you wacko." scared

Some people are so touchy about strangers who start talking to them on the street. razz12

All I said was "Hey do you know how to sell a watch to a deaf man?"

"No I don't, how?"

{{{{"HEY MISTER, DO YOU WANNA BUY A WATCH???"}}}} rotfl12

Those nice men in the white coats a here with a new jacket for me. I think they're nuts. It's not even cold outside.

Have a happy day everyone. urock

joe


THEY"LL NEVER CATCH ME! penguin

"RUN FORREST RUN!!"
Posted by: venus

Re: TGIF - 12/06/12 11:15 PM

Hello and have a terrific Friday Joe and all who come in after me. wave12

It's late Thursday night for me, and I should have been in bed by now. I lost track of time, and I blame kitty version Venus for not getting off my lap while I was watching Netflix shows. lol12

I had a great day off today, but it's back to work for me in the morning. It's going to be another long day.

Hope everyone else has a terrific Friday, and see you in the morning if I have time. wave12

sleep12
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 12:13 AM

Good morning Joe, venus and all to follow.

I just finished my project, so it's Zumba in the morning and then I hope the rain will hold up so I can run the dogs. They haven't been out in days.

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave12
Posted by: Lotus777

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 12:47 AM

Good Morning Joe, venus, Ana and all who come after. I was out of town all day yesterday , well, mots of the day and it was late when I came to the Diner. Hi Gimli, glad to see you back. sorry about the Elders, they can be a handful and I only have one... grin12 . Wishing everyone a great day. Happy Gaming!! wave12
Posted by: BobH

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 01:30 AM

Good Evening everyone, like Venus, my kitty likes to sit on my lap while I watch Netflix shows. She does this every night. catrub

By the way, last night I watched Astrópía. A cute movie with a RPG theme. Recommended. thumbsup12
Posted by: Haroula

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 02:38 AM

Good Morning Joe, venus, Ana,Lottus,Bob and all who come after. wave12
Have all a happy day santadance
Posted by: Gimli

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 03:23 AM

Good morning Boomers wave12

Joe, you made me laugh out loud with the "selling a watch to a deaf person" joke of yours. Take the warm jacket from the white people and run.... winter is just round the corner snicker

Ana: congrats on finishing the project! What's next? kissy12

I'am going for lunch with a pianist friend of mine and afterwards she's playing a few Lutoslawski pieces for me at her home. She's a great pianist, also in the States. I'am looking forward to a great lunch and afternoon. Life is good for a change.

I wish all of you a similarly good day.
Love from Evelyne
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 04:54 AM

wave12 Good Morning aal. Sure is busy in the Diner this morning. Coffee is ready. Happy Day wished for all! wave12
Posted by: cailyn

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 05:17 AM

Good morning everyone wave12rushing out to the gym,Gerry thanks for the coffee santaHave a happy day everyone smile12
Posted by: connie

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 07:32 AM

Good morning everyone. I finished wrapping the Christmas presents yesterday. presents12 I think we might make a Costco trip today. Tomorrow I'm going on an early shopping trip with best friend. santadance To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish, Muffins, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. santa
Posted by: GBC

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 07:42 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, you're funny.

Venus, glad you had a great day off.

Ana, enjoy the day out of the corner!

Lotus, have a great day also.

Bob, good morning.

Evelyne, sounds like a wonderful day for you.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Cailyn, enjoy the gym.

Connie, isn't it nice wrapping up on the wrapping. Thanks for the Danish.

Haroula, have a wonderful day.

Midgie, how are you doing in your new place?

Nan, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

Wishing a great day planned for everyone.
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 08:18 AM

Welcome to the weekend Boomers.
Posted by: manxman

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 08:43 AM

Good morning everyone. It's cold here today. Think I'll stay in where it's warm. smile12
Posted by: Darlene

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 09:59 AM

wave12 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your day is awesome!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 10:03 AM

Good morning everybody. wave12

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. santadance

My friend and I are fixing to go hunt some heads. woot

I wish you all a fantastic TGIF. yay12

joe
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 10:30 AM

Fantastic Friday ya'll wave12

I'm frantically dodging pink eye here. Life is good, if infectious. puppy
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 10:50 AM

Joe good luck hunting. Thanks for the laughs!

Ana yay......freeefom from the corner. Enjoy and have a lovely run with the dogs!!

Haroula hope that you and jr are feeling better.

wave12 Bob, Lotus, Cailyn, Gerry, Manxman, venus. Have a lovely day!

Evelyne sounds like you have a lovely day planned.....enjoy!!!

Connie have fun shopping!

Gail have a lovely day! Any fun plans besides gaming??? lol12

Space enjoy the weekend!!

Darlene may work fly and all go smoothly!!

L4l happy dodging!! lol12 Prayers that son feels better soonest.

No plans till taxi time. Might do some decorating though.

wave12
Nan
Posted by: flutist

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 10:52 AM

Good morning friends.

Eek! It's Friday already, again, yet, whatever. <sigh> It seems like just yesterday it was Friday and I was doing laundry. Time goes toooooo fast.

We have to take Moxie in for a blood test and checkup to see how she is doing. She is still having some fainting spells, but not as often and she is not drinking as much water as she was. We shall see.

Hope everyone has a great day. It is cloudy and dreary here.

Be good y'all.

Bets
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 11:41 AM

Well, finally did it and it's kitty's fault and it's been something I'm been thinking about a month now. I was stuck on Devil May Cry 1 and Dante is in a bad situation and can't get out -ah ha the walkhrough. The only problem is my cmptr is in a different room and Buttercup(kitty) is sound asleep on my lap. To wake up B'cup or not to wake up B'cup. She might sleep for an hour -Oh let her sleep -so Dante kaput and Oblivion installed. And I played it 3 hours till 11PM, long after she woke up and left. Something about Oblvn, it puts new life in gaming. My hero is a young and handsom double warrior Imperial. Thought about being a girl Kahjit but it's fun watching young men. And his name is Commander after my cat. I only have 3 cats now -time for another or 2 or 3 etc. Believe it, that game is the 1st thing I think of when waking and then Janey Cutler singing "No Regrets". Hooray, Ana, life Is good.

Poor Doom(game) is on a back burner. So now I'm playing Oblvn, Battlefield 2 Bad Company and Devil May Cry 1. not much cooking, cleaning or errands done in the near future.

Happy Friday all and off to the PS
Posted by: Gimli

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 12:08 PM

Hi again, lunch was wonderful, piano playing was wonderful too and.... she let me play her sacred Fazioli concert grand... Life is good, indeed.

Nan: I love your doggie's Santa hat! So cute. Hope all is well in the far North?!! wave12

I wish a nice afternoon to the Boomies over the pond, and a great evening to the European ones.

Keep smiling grin12

Evelyne
Posted by: niteowl07

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 01:19 PM

joe - you made me laugh out loud with those comments ! happy hunting !

evelyne - sounds like a nice break and happy day for you , i'm so glad !

ana , enjoy your run - i'll pull the rain away for you !

great day to everyone else ! it's very cold here today , so only a quick errand for me , and then gaming !

shiver wave12
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 03:03 PM

Good afternoon boomies! I missed Zumba this morning, I wasn't feeling up to it and decided to get sleep instead. I took the dogs for their hike in the woods so now they are content. I am now in full cleaning mode even though I would rather slug. lol12

Sharon, how did you procedure go yesterday? hearts

Haroula, are you feeling better?

L4L, sorry you got hit with another infection. sad

be back
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 04:23 PM

Well I am off with the taxi!! have a wonderful afternoon and evening all!!!

Good luck at the Vet Bets!!

wave12
Nan
Posted by: Midge

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 10:07 PM

Night all. I had a good day. I hope you all had one too. See you in the morning. smile12

Midgie sleep12
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 12/07/12 10:33 PM

Wow it sure is quiet in here. lol12 Everybody must be having a fun evening!!

Taxi is home and parked. Time to sit and do a little unwinding and find a game to play.

Night Midge sleep well.

wave12
Nan
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 12/08/12 12:25 AM

Night guys, sleep well :sleep: