Hump Day

Posted by: gymcandy1

Hump Day - 12/12/12 12:54 AM

The future will be better tomorrow.
Dan Quayle (1947 - )

A young man who was an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried, and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man leaned back on his golf bag and said, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only three feet tall."

I was nervous the night my husband and I took our three young sons to a restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. She poured a small amount for me to taste, at that moment, our six-year-old piped up, "Mum drinks a lot more than that."

Johnson, the Matchmaker, goes to meet Mr. Ford, who is a bachelor for many years.

Johnson says to Mr. Ford, "I suggest you do not delay it any further. I have someone in mind who is just perfect for you. You just have to say yes and I'll arrange for you to meet her. Before you know, you'll be married!"

"Please don't bother," replies Mr. Ford, "I have two sisters at home, who take care of all my needs."

Johnson says, "Well that's good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."

"I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were mine!"

A new law was recently passed in West Virginia. When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

Mike: “Mary has broken our engagement saying I am not rich enough.”

Harry: “But you should have told her about your maternal uncle. He is stinking rich and you are his only successor.”

Mike: “I did that. She just became engaged to my uncle."

A man was driving in front of a mental hospital when he had a flat tire. While changing the rear punctured wheel, he lost all six nut bolts in the nearby drain by accident. The man was now stuck and didn’t know what to do. Just then a guy came out of the mental hospital and asked if he could help. The car owner noticed an identity card of the hospital around his neck with patient number printed on it. He still asked the patient if there was any garage around.

The patient said: “No, it is at least five miles from here. But I suggest you take out one bolt each from the rest of the three wheels, fit them on your rear wheel and drive slowly and carefully to the garage. You will find all you need there.”

The car owner was dumb-struck. He himself should have thought of this simple solution. He thanked the man and asked politely if he was really mad.

The patient replied: “Yes, of course I am mad, but I am no fool.”

Mike bought a piano for Jane on her birthday. After a few days, Mike's friend inquired with him how Jane was doing with the piano.

"Well," said Mike, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."

"Why is that?" asked the friend.

Mike answered, "With a clarinet, she cannot sing."

Newly married Tina had committed a blunder in her husband’s absence. As soon as the man returned from work, she blurted; “Here I was ironing your finest suit and burnt this hole in the seat of your trousers.”

The husband, large hearted that he was, said; “I have another pair of trousers that matches that suit, so do not worry.”

Tina: ” Thank God for that, because I was able to patch up the hole using those trousers.”

There is a secret to a Happy Marriage. You need to follow the below checklist:

Firstly, you need to find a woman who cooks and cleans

Secondly, you need to find a woman who earns well

Thirdly, you need to find a woman who enjoys great s*x

Finally, it is important that these three women should never meet.

Good morning everyboomie. happydance12

Do you know how to get a one armed Okie out of a tree?

Wave at him. wave12

Do you know how to catch a unique rabbit?"

Unique up on him.

Do you know how to catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way.

I'm off for two days and I'm so happy I feel like staying up all night. penguin

If the feeling doesn't pass soon I'll take a whole bottle of sleeping pills. grin12

I have about a hundred things I need to do on my day off.

Most importantly I need to go hunt arrowheads while I think about which one I need to do first. tomato

Have a very happy day everyone.

Posted by: Haroula

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 02:38 AM

Good morning boomers,cold and rain today. eek12
Have all a happy and relaxing day santadance
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 03:21 AM

Good morning Joe,Haroula wave12Joe luckhunting foe Arrowheads,coffee is ready I'll keep it hot!A happy day wished for all santa
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 04:22 AM

santadance Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe good luck hunting for arrowheads! happydance12 Haroula hope the sun shines for you tomorrow. yes Cailyn smells good. wave12 Happy Day All! santadance
Posted by: venus

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 05:14 AM

Hello and goodbye. wave12
Posted by: connie

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 07:19 AM

Good morning everyone. Warm and rainy here. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. Danish, French Toast, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. santadance
Posted by: Midge

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 07:55 AM

Good morning. I have the day off today but it'll be very busy. I have an appointment at the Boston Pain Clinic to see what can be done about my left ankle. I think this is the only thing that's left for me because I can't have an ankle replacement. It would mean I'd have to take way too much time off for recovery. If I don't work I don't get paid. We'll see what can be done instead of surgery. Wish me luck. Good morning to everyone that comes through the diner door today. I hope you all have a great day. Aw thanks Connie. I'll have a Danish if there's one left. Oh, and don't forget to exercise. Did I tell you that there is an exercise room here at my apartment complex? I haven't used it yet, been too busy but I'll use it shortly.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 10:03 AM

wave12 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a great Hump Day and happy head hunting!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 10:40 AM

Ho, Ho Joe!!! Enjoy the two days off!! Happy hunting!! grin12

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Have a lovely day!

Gerry have a nice walk and a lovely day!

venus may work fly and all go well. Have fun!! grin12

Connie are you having a party for your son? One only turns that number once in a life time. lol12 Thanks for the danish!!

Darlene may work fly and all go smoothly!! Have a nice day!

Midge prayers headed up for you that there be something that they can do for your ankle. HUGS!!

No plans till taxi time and not even sure of that. lol12

Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 10:44 AM

It's a beautiful winter morning, bright warm sun and cold air and clear sky. It's true, nobody likes to drive on ice but we need more rain/snow. And there's red cardinals outside my kitchen window. and hot coffee and a warm house. Later on I'll put water out for the wildlife.

Midge, best wishes for ankle recovery.

Happy Wednesday all
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 10:52 AM

Good morning boomies! So much to do, so little time to do it all. Everytime I think I am narrowing down the list, I have more added. lol12 Tis the season!

I be back later....have a happy day!
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 11:42 AM

I think I solved my computer glitch problem. Deleting about 100 downloaded games and other parts of things associated with other games, I think my old computer is getting a second wind.

Now the project is to switch this computer (the old one) with the other computer which is much faster, more memory, runs games better, etc. It will involve the help of my computer friend and lots of screaming and crawling under 2 desks and plugging and unplugging cords. Hopefully we will get both computers back to normal. This will allow me to play tons of games on the newer computer at my favorite roll top desk which is very comfy. All the rest of the stuff I can do at the antique smaller desk next to it. Not as comfy and a bit crowded. Hopefully all will go well. Crossing fingers and toes there will be not too much hassle with my friend who will want to do it 'his way'. I have MY way all planned. rolleyes12
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 01:45 PM

Ahhh, enjoying a relatively quiet and cool day. All wrapped up and surfing and sipping. The only thing that would improve the day would be a whopping fire. puppy
Posted by: SharonB

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 03:09 PM

Good afternoon Boomers! wave12

Done with my Stress Test! woot I was really dreading it but it turned out to be not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Now that I'm no longer fasting and can have caffeine again I'm filling up on Diet Coke and a couple sandwiches. burger devilchili tomato broccoli12 yay12 Now I just have to get the results tomorrow and I can completely relax - hopefully.

Hope everyone is enjoying their HumpDay.smile12
And that everyone is getting done what they need to get done. thumbsup12

Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 03:28 PM

Good afternoon Boomers. wave12
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 03:32 PM

sleep12 wave12
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 04:46 PM

Here is where I went last night with my sister and my daughter and their family members. Oh what fun!!! Just click on the mark, Bentleyville 2010 and take the tour!!

They have hot chocolate and cookies in one place, popcorn in another and many open pit fires for roasting marshmellows AND it's all free!!!

Now I am off to look at the lights on peoples houses! Have a wonderful evening all!

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 05:28 PM

Love the Christmas light tour. Fun.

Finally got my computers switched to the opposite desks. Only took 1/2 hour and thank goodness for my computer friend or I'd still be tangled in cords and plugs and wires. Had to change one connector cable to a USB from one of those 'pin' thingies since the newer computer has no pinny stuff for printers. Even got the printer software to download and install. Now to set up my email on that one so I can use it for everything.

AND the best part? Everything runs so FAST I can't keep up. Wow. Videos just whiz by with super fast buffering. I'm gonna really love this new change.

Old computer will be dying soon I anticipate since it's a 2000 model. Gotta get files moved over but so far it's doing OK with all those game downloads moved off. Slow computer. Poor thing.

Sidewalk project in full swing. Tearing down fences, walls, ripping out trees, digging holes. Have the sidewalk painted on the ground where it will be. We walked on the 'new' sidewalk (stay in the lines the line are your friends) and the city guy in charge laughed and laughed. Fun.

And they are going to do one side at a time so residents can move cars across the street and then back so probably not too many will be parking on my area. Only a few across the street so far.
Posted by: Midge

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 09:30 PM

Hi Boomies. Spent a good day, very busy but I spent the morning at the Boston Pain Clinic. Saw and talked to 2 doctors today. They both agreed that I should try physical therapy again and see if that can help my ailing left ankle. I'm also seeing 2 more drs on the 20th of this month to talk about what kind of pain relief help I'll be going on. Looking forward to getting some relief. We'll see. Hope you all had a great day. Getting close to finishing my Christmas shopping. See you all tomorrow. I'm having a best friend coming over and see my new apartment. Can't wait to have her here.

Night all.
Midgie hearts sleep12 santa wave12 happydance12
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 09:37 PM

Midgie, I really hope they can help you. hearts

I am running all day and I am ragged but still not done.

I love having my whole extended family here for Christmas but it's a lot of work. Friday I pick up my 2 nephews from the airport and then the others will follow. It's two days of fun and company.

I be back....
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 10:58 PM

Hello everybody. wave12

I had a nice day out sifting sand for little pointy rocks. wink12

I wouldn't want to do it for a living though.

I'd be dirt poor. snicker

I hope everyone here enjoyed a great Hump day. santadance

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 12/12/12 11:08 PM

Joe, I am happy to hear you did what makes you happy today. hearts

I am frazzled and my brain is hyper mode and I'm going to try and shut it down and go watch TV in bed...

sweet dreams all...
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 12/13/12 01:15 AM

Nite all