Thursdiner

Posted by: gymcandy1

Thursdiner - 12/13/12 12:34 AM

"It is difficult to say who do you the most mischief: enemies with the worst intentions or friends with the best." --
E. R. Bulwer-Lytton
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers "Yes".

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? "

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, Jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob says to the pharmacist: "Good, we'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Senior Personal Ads


FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated! flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.

MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One day a letter came to his desk, addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought, "I better open this one and see what it's all about." So he opened it and it read:

"Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had a hundred dollars in it which was all the money I had until my next pension check." "Next Sunday is Easter, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with." "I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?"

The postal worker was touched, and went around showing the letter to all the others. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected 96 dollars, which they put into an envelope and sent over to her. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of the nice thing they had done. Easter came and went, and a few days later came another letter from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
It read:

"Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?" "Because of your generosity, I was able to fix a lovely dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. " "By the way, there was 4 dollars missing. It was no doubt those thieving b------s at the post office."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"OLD" IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"

"OLD" IS WHEN.. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

"OLD" IS WHEN.... A sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.  wave12

How is everyone doing today?

I haven't looked in the mirror yet, so I don't know how I'm doing. rolleyes12

Either I'm still alive or or muscle cramps and joint pain don't improve much after death.  zombie

I may have to wait until next payday to know for sure.

They say nothing is certain but death and taxes, so if taxes are held out of my check I'll know......for certain.  wink12

There is one thing that kinda makes me think I'm still probably in Oklahoma. 

I hear cows mooing.  taz

Of course that could mean something else, but I'm not even going to consider that possibility. 

Have a heavenly happy day everyone. rah

joe

I almost positive they don't have computers in Heaven anyway. 

Cursing is not allowed.  taz
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 02:46 AM

Good morning boomers,the sun is out happydance12
Have all a nice day santadance wave12
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 04:16 AM

Good morning Joe,Haroula,and all who pop in later santa Going for a blood test this morning a routine one,so there's no coffee for me yet frown12But I'll keep it hot for who ever needs some,have a great day every body happydance12
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 04:46 AM

wave12 Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe happy day off. Haroula glad to here the sun is shinning for you. Cailyn thinking of you. Hope all is well. Wishing you all a sunny day! wave12
Posted by: GBC

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 05:42 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, funny. rotfl12

Haroula, glad you have the sun.

Cailyn, take a coffee to go and drink it when you're done.

Gerry, hope your day is good.

To all who enter I'm wishing a happy day!

Cold out this morning. shiver I'll be walking the dogs then don't know what the day holds in store. Maybe a BJ's trip.
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 06:54 AM

Hi Gail and Gerry wave12Back from the test now drinking coffeeBj's trip for me also Gail santa
Posted by: connie

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 08:01 AM

Good morning everyone. Not sure what's on the agenda for the day yet. To all here and all that follow, have a Super Thursday. Danish and Hot Chocolate in the NC. santadance
Posted by: venus

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 08:10 AM

lol12 Have a terrific day, Joe.

Glad the sun is out, Haroula. smile12

Hope the blood test goes well today, Cailyn.

Have a terrific Thursday, Gerry.

Stay warm, Gail. shiver Have fun at BJ's if you go.

Thanks for breakfast, Connie. thumbsup12

I'm off today. happydance12 It's my only day off this week, so I have to enjoy it while I can. grin12

Fiance and I started replaying Gray Matter last night. We might play some more before he has to go to work, as his hours are odd a couple of days every week during the holidays.

As for the rest of the day, I have no plans yet. I'll probably find a game to play. thumbsup12

Hope everyone here has a great Thursday. wave12
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 10:02 AM

wave12 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a heavenly happy day as well!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 10:34 AM

Joe thanks for the laughs and enjoy the day!!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn and Gerry have a lovely day!!

venus enjoy the time off and the gaming!!

Gail have a nice walk with the dogs. It is nice out today. No sun but no wind and the temp has reached the mid 20's with a little snow falling. Sassy loved her walk.

Connie have fun whatever you do!! Thanks for the treats.

Darlene may work fly and all go smoothly!!

Off to run a few errands.

wave12
Nan
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 11:05 AM

Good morning boomies. I have a pounding head from grinding my teeth all night and I have a million things to do. :sad12: It will be a long day.

Off to the post office and what seems a dozen other shops to finish the odds and ends I need for Saturday. I still need to decorate the tree also, we finally got it cut and put up last night and the lights are on but that's it.

My highlight will be a long walk in the woods when I get done.

I hope you all have a great day!
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 11:44 AM

It's finally RAINING! We actually have real, measurable rain here. Wheeeee! Can't go for my morning walk unless it lets up and it's been a slow and steady rain since midnight. Neat for all my grass (or lack of it) and my trees (which are looking very sad). Love it, however the outdoorsies are getting breakfast late since it's not nice to tempt them with food when they have to get soaked to eat it. Dry food is there under an umbrella, so they won't starve. Just have to wait out the dripping sky for the real feeding of the coveted canned food.

Finally am getting most of my programs to work on my newish computer. Amazing how fast it runs. I'm in heaven. Just have to make all the 'settings' like I am used to on the old one. Tons of stuff to figure out, but it's going to be great for gaming.

Off to check on the RAIN.
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 01:13 PM

Morning gang wave12

The morning has been insane. I'm counting on a quieter afternoon. puppy
Posted by: Lotus777

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 02:32 PM

Hi Everyone! Just a fast one as it is busy, busy around here. It was 30* this and Jack Frost was very busy painting all of the window panes. Hubby is still rebuilding his shop, a little at a time. The saddest part is he must tear out my twenty year old lilac that I planted from a start I got for a friend's bush. Boohoo...it was so pretty int he Spring. I'm off to hopefully make some pumpkin fudge for the kids in the family. Happy Gaming!! wave12
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 03:36 PM

Still running like a chicken with her head cut off but I just got back from a walk in the woods to make the dogs happy and try and calm my pounding head. It didn't work but at least I feel a bit more relaxed.

Are we having fun yet?
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 03:44 PM

Good afternoon Boomers.
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 04:54 PM

Hello everybody. wave12

I spent the morning digging for heads and found nothing again today.

I went back to the house and spent a good while washing and cleaning my truck.


Now I'm home to clean up and load up half of my household to take back to Mom's, to spend the night over there, so my sister can spend the night at her friends house. hardwall

I have no satellite over there, so I have to use my sister's wifi device, but I have to load up my computer, alarm clock, clothes, milk and breakfast food, as well as my toaster, Pepper's food, my pillows, to name a few. mad12

If you don't see me again tonight you know what happened. smirk

joe
Posted by: niteowl07

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 05:12 PM

hello , all.

hope your day has a bright spot , everyone !

running around with the rest of the chickens , but it's all good - see you tomorrow ! wave12
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 05:43 PM

Eeek Joe, that does not sound like fun.

All my hopes of a quiet afternoon were shattered when I heard unwelcome snarls coming the back yard. By the time I got the deadbolt unlocked and out the door, there was a pile of dogs. Son and I started tossing and got them all sorted out, and then grabbed keys and ran out to the vet with 2 of them. Dogs are fine, son hurt his shoulder heaving dogs, and I'm shaking but will be fine now that I can sit back! Eeek eeeek and triple eeeeeek!
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 06:31 PM

Who was fighting? Was there a strange dog over? I am glad the dogs are okay, but sorry to hear about son. :sad12:
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 06:43 PM

Oh L4l was it your dogs or was the neighbors dog invading your dogs space?? Glad the dogs are OK and hope that son's shoulder will be too. HUGS!

Ana.....need help?? I had lots of free time today. grin12 Prayers that the head feels better soonest! HUGS!

Lotus god luck with the pumpkin fudge!! Sounds interesting.

wave12
Nan
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 07:17 PM

Nan, I need everyone to get out of my way. lol12 I am done with errands and I bathed both the dogs and now I am getting ready to vacuum to then steamvac the carpets.
I am almost done! yay12

Hubby lost his diamond wedding band. sad Not a good time right now..
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 07:51 PM

OH Ana! A lost wedding band is terrible. Hope you hunt and find it soon. My ex hubby was always losing something. Last thing he lost was a terribly expensive Anniversary present of a heavy gold chain. I looked everywhere and finally emptied my vacuum cleaner bag and sorted through all the icky stuff. THERE was the chain! Now I always sort my vacuum bag before tossing it. Never know what you may find. Have you vacuumed lately? If not, check the bag after you do this time. Might get lucky. luck
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 07:59 PM

He takes it off at night and puts it on in the morning but he does not remember taking it off last night, nor putting it on this morning. He chopped the tree last night and then put the lights on the tree. I am trying to find it in the tree. <sigh>
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 08:00 PM

Ana, it was Soot and Seagan. They have been snarly with each other at times, but they have never drawn blood before. Soot is just now a mature male and is feeling his wheaties and Seagy says "uh uh". If the bites were not near the eyes I would not have taken them in, but wanted to have a professional opinion and an antibiotic shot to prevent problems.

I am not shaking now so that means it's time to head up and do dishes and cook dinner.

Hubby lost his wedding band when the kids were little. One day I was out doing errands and found one I liked so called him and in he came with 3 little ones to get his wedding ring. We got some funny looks.

wave12
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 08:56 PM

Oh gosh, everyone is so busy with Christmas and fighting dogs and all that and here at my house near Lexington, Texas ----Monday,Tuesday, Wednesday, Oblivionday, Friday.........yup, that's all I did all day long but I'm now a ripe 12 and sporting Orc armor except for a silly looking steel helmet which is OK for the Fighters Guild. Just finished 1st 2 contracts in Anvil and now off to Cheydenhal and will do the Pilgrem's Way while traveling. The game is getting more interesting but I must use discipline concerning playing time. The only workout today was my thumbs on the controller.

Lotus, that is sad about the lilac bush. Could you take a cutting and plant it.

Nighty bye all
Posted by: venus

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 09:36 PM

Well, I'm off to bed. Very early day tomorrow. Good night, everyone. sleep12
Posted by: Midge

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 10:03 PM

Oh Ana. I'm sorry that your hubby lost his wedding band. I remember The day I lost my diamond while I was sitting on my pool chair some summer season a lifetime ago. Never found it but I replaced the diamond in my engagement ring. Very trematic at the time.
Time to call it a day. Early shift in the morning. See you then.

Midgie sleep12
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 11:21 PM

I am happy to say I found his wedding band. After searching for a few hours, I went to do laundry and guess what flew out! He said he checked, but he missed it. lol12 I am doing a very happy dance, we were both very upset.

I just finished steam cleaning all rooms except my bedroom and the house is ready for company. Now I need to decorate the tree. I'm tired....
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 11:57 PM

Ana, are you having your yearly gathering?

We are off to bed after a much quieter evening than the morning or the afternoon.

Sleep well all sleep12
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thursdiner - 12/13/12 11:59 PM

Ana glad that the ring has been found. hearts

Yankee sounds like a nice gaming day was had at your place. happydance12

L4l glad the dogs were OK but pray that it doesn't happen again.

Well time here to find my pillow. Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams.

sleep12
Nan
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursdiner - 12/14/12 12:06 AM

Tree decorated, I have very low lighting in my house so I may be surprised how it looks in the morning. I don't care, at this point it is what it is.

L4L, yes, it's my family's Christmas party here this weekend so I will have company starting tomorrow morning till Saturday night. Sunday will be a "me day". grin12 Glad things quieted down for you.


Nan, sweet dreams.