Wonderous Wednesday

Posted by: gymcandy1

Wonderous Wednesday - 12/18/12 07:52 PM

"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts."
Albert Einstein

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."

The cavalryman was galloping down the road, rushing to catch up with his regiment. Suddenly his horse stumbled and pitched him to the ground. Lying in the dirt with a broken leg, terrified of the approaching enemy, the soldier called out: "All you saints in heaven, help me get up on my horse!" Then, with superhuman effort, he leaped onto the horse's back and fell off the other side. Once again on the ground, he called to the heavens: "All right, just half of you this time!"

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building".

The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall. "My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh." "Mine," boasts another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn." "I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.
"Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old."

It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect
salute, and snapped out, "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!" The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?" Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied, "Sir, Yes Sir!" The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?" The Private didn't agree, but then the private was just a private, and responded, "Sir, Yes Sir!" The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train." The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again, and said, "Sir, Yes Sir!" The General continued "I got this dog for my wife." The Private simply said, "Good trade, Sir!"

While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise, a Huey Cobra messes up and lands on its tail rotor.
The landing is so hard it breaks off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remains upright on its skids, sliding down the runway, doing 360s. As the Cobra slides past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this radio exchange takes place: Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?" Cobra: "I don't know, Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of step. Walking up next to the man as they marched, he said sarcastically: "Do you know they are all out of step except you?" "What?" asked the recruit innocently. "I said -- they are all out of step except you!" thundered the sergeant. The recruit replied, "Well, sarge, you're in charge -- you tell them!"

General Baldwin had barely arrived in the forward area when a sniper's bullet removed a button from his shirt. He threw himself to the ground in terror. The men stood around with the greatest unconcern. The general yelled at a passing sergeant. "Hey, isn't somebody going to kill that darned sniper?" The sergeant looked down at the general and replied:
"I guess not, general. We're scared that if we kill him the enemy will replace him with somebody who really knows how to shoot."

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

I'm sure by the time you've finished reading all those jokes you'll be tired of reading, so I'll just say good morning all & have a happy day.

If you believe that, I've got some property for sale I'd like to show you. wink12

Any takers?

No it's NOT a swamp! It just has a minor drainage problem.

That can easily be remedied with a little ditch......about 20 feet deep & all the way around it.

You'll be the only one in the neighborhood with your very own privacy moat.

You can keep out door to door salesmen and those relentlessly pesky relatives. Just keep the draw bridge up.

Stupid danged old cows can't get in the yard either. What more could you ask for? duh12

You'll be the envy of the neighborhood with that kind of security. sherlock

Your nearest neighbor will be 53.45 miles away though. snicker

It's not a city. It's the Office of the Interior.......attached to a bait shop........which also doubles as a Justice of the Peace…………and a post office.

There you go. Back to that privacy benefit. happydance12

There's lots of wildlife too.

Mosquitoes, chiggers, ticks, snakes, spiders, and cute little swamp rats. Oops! I meant field mice. Cute little mice. Just to name a few.

We’re having a open house Sunday.

I mean an “open moat.” blush

I’ll be serving all you can eat, fresh, batter dipped & deep fried calf fries. grin12

Have a happy day you all.

Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/18/12 08:03 PM

Thanks for the laughs Joe.
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/18/12 08:16 PM

Decided to take a long drive to the Casino today to use up my 'free' money from them. Looked carefully at the local weather reports for here and up there 1 1/2 hour drive away. Reports said no rain, just cloudy. I should have checked the areas in between! Got halfway there and it poured and poured so hard that freeway traffic slowed down to 20 mph! Could hardly see and it was not fun. Next time, I will be sure it's a day that has no chance of rain. Wow.

Police were in front of my house just before we left. Had a young man in handcuffs. Turns out it was something to do with the infamous Apartments! Young gal came out and hugged him and they snuggled and kissed and the policeman finally let him out of handcuffs and he walked off without the gal. I'm thinking it's a 'parent' thing with the gal being the daughter of the owners who don't like the guy and probably have a restraining order against him being there. We saw those two yesterday down the street a few houses just snuggling near a car for a long time. Young love. smirk
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/18/12 08:43 PM

Thanks for the chuckles Joe. I bet my dogs would like the property. They just got done chasing Polly Possum across my yard. Slowest animals ever, no wonder they faint.

SpaceQ, have a great day!

Sorta, I get free money in the mail too from our casino. I take it your trip was unsuccessful?

Have a happy day everyone! I'll be in the corner after Zumba.

Ana wave12
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/18/12 09:30 PM

Yeah Ana, my Casino trips are usually non productive except for the fun I have. I just lose all the money I plunk into the machines. My friend wins like crazy. Oh well. WE do have an agreement that if either of us wins 1000 or over we split it half and half. We have yet to do that, but ya never know.
Posted by: Midge

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/18/12 10:10 PM

Hi Boomies. Just checking to see who's here. Thanks Joe for opening for us. Hi SQFan, Sorta, Anakissy12 and all who come in. See you on the flip side. Night all.

Midige hearts
Posted by: 3dobermans

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/18/12 10:31 PM

Nice arrowhead, Joe. Have you seen "The Hobbit" yet?

Midgie, prayers for travel safety and hope you have a wonderful visit. Gentle hugs to your Mom.
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/18/12 11:02 PM

Sorta, my sister is a winner too. Me...not so much. lol12

Midgie, safe travels and big hugs to your mom.

Trippy, I'm not a wrestling fan either but I am glad you enjoy it. Have a happy day!

Ana wave12
Posted by: SharonB

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 02:36 AM

Hello Gameboomers!

It's 2:20 in the am, haven't been to bed yet. I've been fasting since midnight and I hate it. I'm already thirsty. (Psychological I know. slapforehead)

In the afternoon I go for my procedure. I shouldn't worry, but I do anyway. sad I don't even know if I'm going to get there. Haven't heard from the person who is supposed to take me. I'll call in the morning and see what's going on.

Please keep your fingers crossed that I can come home the same day.

How's the head Ana? How's the apartment Midge? That's great about the arrow head Joe. Unfortunately I can't see it. My computer won't take me to that site.

All Boomers have a great day! holidays
Posted by: Gimli

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 02:54 AM

Wonderous morning everybody hearts

Sharon: I'am thinking of you! HUGS

Joe: help I can't see your newest head. I'am not on facebook (any longer). Can you show the head also to nonFB-people please? I'am curious...

Ana: how's your head doing? Sending kisses your way!

Midge: save travels! I need the Band only tomorrow.

To all aready in the Diner and to all who follow: have a happy day. I have to run a few errands and have to run to town again for my parents, afternoon free so far.... but who knows....


Posted by: SharonB

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 03:11 AM

Thanks Gimli! That must be why I can't view Joe's arrowhead either. I used to belong to FaceBook, but I cancelled it.
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 03:19 AM

Good morning everyone,rainy and colod day. winter
Hubby open to check the engine of the car and
what did he see think eek12 an egg among the
cables of the car woozy
Strange thing it was a chicken's egg. lol12
The problem is we dont have chickens woozy12

Have all a great day santadance
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 04:32 AM

wave12 Good Morning Joe, Ana, SpaceQ, Sorta, Midge, 3db, SharonB,Gimli, Haroula, and Cailyn. Coffee is on. Hope you all have a nice day! wave12
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 05:14 AM

Good morning everybody. wave12

Here you go Evie.

I hope you all have a great day.

See you after 2:00. woot

Posted by: GBC

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 06:35 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for the pic. I don't have a facebook either.

Morning Space, Ana, Sorta, Trippy, Sharon, Haroula, Evelyne, and everyone.

Midgie, say hi to your Mom for me.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee, maybe Cailyn got a chance to sleep in this morning.

Wishing everyone a wonderful day! Will walk the dogs this morning then see what the day holds in store. wave12
Posted by: connie

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 06:45 AM

Good morning everyone. Sharon prayers and positive vibes on the way. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. Danish, French Toast, and Omelets. in the NC. santadance
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 09:50 AM

wave12 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Always love the openers! Hope your Wednesday is Wonderous!

Sharon, hope all goes smoothly for you today.

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: flutist

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 10:26 AM

Good morning everyone.

Boy, I just don't know where the time has gone. Been a few days since I posted. I guess it is just the time of year.

Is everyone ready for Christmas? We are. We will be going out to my SIL's soon, then will have Christmas with Susie and Vince a week from Sat. A little late but she is working and doesn't get home till late sometimes.

I have been busy printing off pictures to take with us. Finally got it down and they turned out good.

Moxie is doing a lot better since she has been on the thyroid medication. Beginning to gain a little weight and her fur is starting to improve and feels a little softer.

Bill is at the doc for a checkup, no problems so I guess I will go and play something.

Have a great day everyone.

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 10:59 AM

Good morning everyone! I'll be off to Zumba in a few minutes and then I'll be in the corner.

Sharon, I'll be sending positive thoughts your way. I hope you find a ride or can get a cab to take you.

Have a happy day everyone! Gotta skoosh...
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 01:33 PM

Wonderful Wednesday all wave12

We had the boys dropped off yesterday unexpectedly. Son took the Per to school this morning and then went back to bed as he was feeling ill. Cully and I had a fun morning and now son is back up so I'm sitting, sipping, and surfing. I should be outside walking but am relishing the lazy factor at the moment. puppy
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 02:30 PM

Antiegram: I play alot of games at 1 time because -these fighting games, if I can't get past a place after several tries I go to a different game and so on and so on. One time I was stuck on 4 games so was playing 5. the controls aren't too hard as after a few tries you get them right. It cuts down on the cussing.

The tomatos all have their new homes hooray I just finished planting the last 5 outdoors and so far they look good -of course it's only been an hour. Kits are mad because they can't get in the garden -too bad Kits I pay the taxes here.

Good lookin' arrowhead, Joe. Is that chert or flint. My heads were flint and they were shiney grey color.

Colder tonight I may cover the tomatos

Happy Wednesday all
Posted by: Gimli

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 02:43 PM

Hi again Boomers

No free afternoon here today, but tomorrow nothing can stop me to drive to Italy!!!!!!!!!!

Joe: thank you for the pic. That's a beautiful head! Congratulations! praise12

I hope Sharon is back home?!!

Lotus: will answer the pm as soon as I'am in Italy (and I hope Internet is working). Will let Ana know.

Ana sweetie, you have a new project?

I'am in a hurry, so bye bye my friends. Hope to see you soon again.

Hugs from Evelyne
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 03:15 PM

Evelyne prayers for the Band around you and hubby as you are traveling for a safe trip!! HUGS! hearts

Joe lovely arrowhead!!! Glad you found a nice one. Thanks for the chuckles and hope work flies!

Ana hope the head is better and the project is moving right along.

Sharon Hugs and Prayers your way!! Here's praying that you may head home after and lnot have to spend the night. hearts

Midge may the Band be with you as you travel to your moms and back! Have a lovely visit!

lol12 Yankee!! I understand now. I don't really play shooters anymore but will keep that in mind if I do.

L4l enjoy the moment!!! Sure hope that son gets feeling better soonest. Poor thing seems to be under the weather a lot.

Bets glad that Moxie is doing better now!!

Connie, Gail, Darlene, Gerry, Have a lovely day!

Haroula funny!! Wonder where the egg came from. lol12

Time to get ready so I can take the taxi out! Have a lovely day all.

Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 03:58 PM

Good afternoon Boomers. We have a high of 55 degrees for tomorrow and 35 degrees for Friday forecast. woozy
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 04:22 PM

sleep12 wave12
Posted by: connie

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 04:32 PM

I'm a very Happy gamer and wife right now. happydance12 Hubby took me to the Apple store in the mall and bought me an Ipad4 for Christmas. santadance I have a Wonderful hubby. kissy12
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 05:46 PM

Ahhhh must stand up and stretch. I've been enjoying the quiet but it is making me soooooooooooo tired. puppy
Posted by: Midge

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 07:02 PM

Back from my trip to be with my Mom. I'm sorry to say it wasn't a good visit. She was upset about something and started to sob. I felt so bad but I couldn't console her at all. She told me to "leave, just leave" I spoke with her nurse, Wendy, who just gave her an adavan, and she said it was OK, that she would snap out of it as soon as I left. Boy, I felt so bad. sad I guess that's how my visits will be from now on. I've lost my Mom to old age. She tries to stand up and she's not allowed to. Two days ago she fell, trying to get to her bathroom. She'd rather try to walk to the bathroom than use her wheelchair. She didn't break anything but she's sore. Oh my heart hurts for her.

Midge hearts
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 07:25 PM

Midgie hearts
Posted by: MaG

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 08:04 PM

Hugs to you Midge.
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 08:07 PM

So sorry about your Mom Midge. I know what you are going through as I had similar experiences with both my mom and dad 18 months apart before they each passed. It made me so sad I would go home and cry for hours because there was nothing I could do to 'make it OK'. Hang in there, prayers and strength coming your way. OH and don't forget to EAT. I kept forgetting because I was depressed and almost passed out one day in the elevator going to visit my mom. Ugh. Embarrassing.

Weather here is COLD. DRY cold and windy. I had to put an extra blankie on my bed last night for the first time in 2 years. Got down to 38 last night. burrrrrr.

The drug dealer from the apartments who walks a million times a day/night selling his wares actually said HI to me today! Woowoo. This is after a few weeks back that we 'met' at a neighbor's garage sale and I complimented him on his designer outfits. Guess I made an impression and a new friend. Ohhhhh. Don't need him as a friend, but it's better than the alternative. Actually what he said (as I was taking out my trash) was, "Cold isn't it?". Yup a conversation. rotfl12
Posted by: Midge

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 08:49 PM

Thanks Ana and MaG.This day was very hard for me. sad

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 09:14 PM

Oh Midge, I'm so sorry! Hugs hugs hugs.

Off to bed to watch the remade Total Recall. Sleep well all! sleep12
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 09:23 PM

Aw Midge.....HUGS!!! It is a hard thing to go through and prayers for strength and comfort! hearts

Taxi home and parked! I wasn't there too long as I only dropped them off and helped daughter to move a new bed I got her and her hubby. The springs were coming through their old matress.

Ana hope the head is beter and the project is moving along.

Night to all those off to bed.

Sorta it may be cold there but it is COLD here. Well not really as the temp is about 30 with a chance of snow tonight and tomorrow.

Oh Connie how sweet of hubby. Enjoy!!

Posted by: 3dobermans

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 09:47 PM

Midgie, my hugs to you. Stay strong my friend.

Had a nap this afternoon and woke to an inch of snow. Second snowfall this year but it seems to melt almost right away.

Bets, glad Moxie is doing okay. Shawnee is on Thyroid meds also, but she still gets cold easily.

WWE on again this eve so may all have a relaxation time.
Posted by: Midge

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/19/12 10:03 PM

Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement. I'm feeling very low tonight but your prayers and support keep me going. I love you all.

Time for me to call it a night. Tomorrow morning I spend the morning at the Boston Paincare. Should be interesting and informative. I feel that help is on the way. Have a good night all.

Midgie sleep12
Posted by: Mike N

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/20/12 12:10 AM

Thank's Joe, from an X-Marine,

"Honor the Past
Live the Present,
Create the Future"
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Wonderous Wednesday - 12/20/12 12:24 AM

Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!!