Sunday Will Never Be the Same

Posted by: gymcandy1

Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/29/12 10:31 PM

A man in the house is worth two in the street.
Mae West

A man, who smelled like a distillery, flopped down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and
began reading.
After a few minutes the disheveled man turned to the priest and said, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading that the Pope does."

A newlywed couple moves into their new house.
One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "Do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "Do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "Do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car.
He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. The wife says, "Do I look like Betty Crocker?"

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir ."
The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. "
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don"t be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn"t have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you"re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn"t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you"re driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON"T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma"am?"
"Only when he"s been drinking, officer."

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

:rotfl: Oh yeah. Been there, done that.

:eek: Mine too.

Good morning everyboomie. wave12

It's good to see you all, and for a change I'm wide awake. happydance12

Not necessarily a good thing since I need to get to sleep......asap. headscratch

I have another tool in my insomnia fighting tool belt though.

It's called a hammer. wink12

It worked great on my sister.

My dad had falling asleep down to an art form. He was a master at it.

His technique was to close his eyes. sleep12

Why didn't I think of that? cool

I don't think dad had a theater in his head.

When I turn out the light and close my eyes, this big projector comes on in my head and all of these characters and events start running through my head.

The good news is I get a senior discount on my ticket.

I hope you all have a happy day.

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/29/12 11:19 PM

Joe, thanks for the chuckles. I was singing with my headphones on earlier when I was alone in the house yesterday and didn't know company came in. lol12

I hope you all have a wonderful day. I'll be in the corner all day, but I did promise the dogs a hike in the woods. It will do us both good.

Ana wave12
Posted by: manxman

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/29/12 11:24 PM

Hi Joe, Ana and all boomers. Hope Sunday is good to you wave12
With any luck I won't have to shovel the driveway again like I have the last two days smile12
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 12:09 AM

Have a great day manxman! Did you get a lot of snow?

Ana wave12
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 03:19 AM

happydance12 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope you had a great night's sleep and are ready for the new day!

Hey, Ana! Hope you find a little bit of time for yourself today!

Hi, manxman! Hope you have a shovel-less day today! smile12

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Very early Sunday morning for me...

Had a great Saturday of Hearts ! Wonderful time.

Today, the family is gathering at nephew's for barbecue! Lots of family out here for the holidays, so it will be a fantastic day!


To all abed, sleep12 To all awake, woot

Posted by: venus

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 04:03 AM

Good morning, everyone. Sorry for the lack of posting yesterday. I was sick all day. frown12

Today I have to whoosh off to work, but will probably go back to bed as soon as I get home. sleep12

Hope everyone here has a terrific Sunday, and see you when I get back. wave12
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 04:27 AM

winter Good Morning Joe, Ana, manxman, Darlene, venus and Cailyn. Well from the looks of our deck I think we got close to 2 feet of snow yesterday and last night. For a while we were getting 2 inches per hour! Cailyn coffee is ready. Hope you all have a great day! winter
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 05:22 AM

Good morning everyone wave12 I overslept happydance12 Gerry thamks for the coffee we had rain last night,then it turned to snow about 5 in. Enjoy your day all winter
Posted by: Midge

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 06:06 AM

Good morning. Hey Darlene, any chance of getting crepes this morning? It's been a long time. I also haven't had any BB pancakes in way too long. Thanks Joe for your openers.Good morning to Ana kissy12, manzman, Darlene, venus, Gerry, Sue, and all who come in the diner after me. Early work shift today. Then for 5:00 later on. I looked out the window, checking how much snow we got last night. Well, there's enough so I have to sweep the snow off the car. Not too much though. That's good. Ana how much snow did you get?

See you guys later. Be good. Pay it forward for someone, it'll make you feel good.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: connie

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 07:46 AM

Good morning everyone. Breakfast out and a Costco trip this morning. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Danish and Blueberry Pancakes in the NC. winter
Posted by: GBC

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 07:57 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a great day!

Ana, wishing you an easy corner day!

Manxman, good morning.

Darlene, enjoy your family barbecue.

Venus, hope you'll be feeling better soon.

Gerry, lots of snow here too.

Cailyn, enjoy the snow. winter

Midgie, glad you didn't get hard hit with the storm.

Lots of shoveling is in the works this morning. Too much snow for me. Girls are happy. holidays
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 09:50 AM

Good morning everyone. it is cold here. shiver
Posted by: LeBelleRachael

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 10:48 AM

HAHA!!...Betty Crocker! Joe you are such a silly Goose!!! HAppy New YEAR!!! newyear
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 12:02 PM

No snow here, well ya, up in the mountains about 1 hour's drive, 45 minutes on a good traffic day. If I need it, it's there for me. winter

Hey Joe, those 'earphones' are great. I have been known to sneak up behind someone on my walks and when I pass them, it scares them. Lots of funny jumps and movements. Not my fault, they are the ones listening to the 'beat of a different drummer' and very loudly I might add. I remember most the NEW transistor radios. Big deal way back when they first came out. Everyone was complaining about 'noise pollution' especially at the beach. I was lucky enough to win a 'jingle' contest for a local radio station and WON one of the first Emerson transistor radios ever made. It was so exciting. Wish I still had that one!

Off for a walk. It rained hard all night. Things are puddling. Gotta check my empty back lot for my 'private lake' which appears after a good rain. It's a depression where there used to be a shack long before I moved here and the cement slab makes a perfect bottom. Gets about 1 foot deep, geee maybe I could float a raft on it. On second thought. thumbsdown
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 12:12 PM

Super Sunday ya'll puppy

It's a cold day out there, but at least we have beautiful blue skies. I'll be heading out to do errands later. Thank goodness for heated car seats. wave12
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 01:10 PM

Hey guys. wave12

I was going to get ready and go to Mom's this morning and when I went out to put some things in my truck I felt the cold wind bit into me. Brrrrrrrrr! shiver

I want to go out and head huntu, but I just don't feel like being out there. shame12

We are supposed to get to 47 degrees, but it's unlike yesterday because it's all cloudy. thumbsdown

I'm off to do some more gaming for a while. happydance12

Have a super day everyone. thumbsup12

Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 01:39 PM

Sassy got something new to try today.......some booties! lol12 So I put them on with no trouble at all. We started out for our walk at +4F. Got out of the apt and bootie gone. Went down the hall and on the elevator and got off on first. Another bootie gone. Out the door and into the snow to potty. Done then we went about a quarter of a mile and I look and opps bootie three gone. Went another quarter mile and bootie number....gone. lol12 Too funny!! Actually I am supprised she even moved with them on.

Ah Joe Baby is waiting for you! Hope it warms up so you can do some head hunting!! Thanks for the chuckles.

Ana I hope you find time for you and the dogs today! May the project move right along for ya.

Manxman hope the snow has stopped and no more shoveling!!

Darlene sounds like a nice day was had playing hearts!! Enjoy the family get-together BBQ!!

venus hope you feel better after work. HUGS!

Gerry that is a lot of snow. eek12 Happy shoveling!!

Cailyn be careful walking out there if the snow is on top of frozen rain!!

Gail glad that somebody is happy about the snow!! Do they do the shoveling too???

Connie have a nice walk to breakfast and fun shopping! Thanks for the danish!

Midge may work fly and be fun! Be careful driving in the new snow.

Space do you have a nice long weekend??? Enjoy if you do.

LeBelle Have a nice day!

Sorta I still have my moms Emerson transistor radio!! Comes in handy when the power goes out. At least I have something to listen to!! lol12

L4l we have a peek-a-boo sun here today and it is cold out. Stay warm and have fun with the errands.

I will be off to drop friends off at a friends for the Viking/Packer game and then head to daughters for Christmas!!! happydance12

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 02:31 PM

Good afternoon boomies! I have been working diligently, took the dogs for a nice long cold hike and I will be leaving for the club to get my race packet shortly so I don't have to be there an hour earlier on race day. Then it's back in the corner for me till bedtime.

I hope you all are enjoying your day.

Ana wave12
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 06:12 PM

Ana, do you have a friend running with you?
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 06:21 PM

My dance instructor and others from dance class are running with me but we all run at a different pace and a few are walking. It's going to be 12 degrees and it's on windy Lake Michigan in Chicago so I will be going as fast as my feet will take me. :rotfl: I have my motivational music on my phone and I'll use my earbuds so it'll keep me going. Hubby will be at the finish line waiting for me. hearts
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 06:48 PM

Ana is your motivational music "Burn Baby Burn"? wink12

I didn't want to go out today in 35 degrees and a stiff breeze. shiver

I stuck in LOTR Fellowship and layed on the couch and slept. sleep12

I was pretty tired anyway.

I have to be up at 4:30 so I'm planning on getting to bed soon, by 8 or 8:30.

The Cowboys football game comes on in a bit, so I need to be ready before it comes on. happydance12

Enjoy your evening everyone. sherlock

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 07:01 PM

lol12 Joe, my workout music consists of the singers - Fun, LP, Bruno Mars, Lumineers, Phillip Philips, Nicki Minaj and Of Monsters and Men. It's quite a motivating and somewhat eclectic mix. If not for the music, I would not make it because I would be thinking of the cold. It is carefully chosen.

I've been staying up till 2-3 and sleeping till 9-10 everyday because hubby was on vacation. It's been nice. Tomorrow I have to get up and out though because we have a special NYE 90 minute Salsa Funk class in the morning. Sam is joining me so it will be double fun. Then I will be double dating for the day/evening with sis and BIL.

Sorry you have to work, Joe.
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 07:53 PM

I've gotta good one for ya Ana. thumbsup12

This is what I listen to to keep warm. blush

grinch joe
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 08:12 PM

rotfl12 Great one!

Here are 4 of my 20 that are on my workout music playlist. I can't post a lot of the others because of content. grin12

Some Nights

Ho Hey THis one is actually my phone ring tone too lol12

Little Talks

We are Young

It keeps me going... :)
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 08:33 PM

Those are all great Ana. bravo12

I hope you have a good run. hearts

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 08:35 PM

I am sending yours to my dance instructor, it's right up her alley!
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 08:50 PM

thumbsup12 kissy12

Posted by: venus

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/30/12 10:46 PM

Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/31/12 12:31 AM

Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

Been a wonderful day!!

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sunday Will Never Be the Same - 12/31/12 02:04 AM