Monday Monday

Posted by: gymcandy1

Monday Monday - 12/30/12 07:43 PM

One kernel is felt in a hogshead; one drop of water helps to swell the ocean; a spark of fire helps to give light to the world. None are too small, too feeble, too poor to be of service. Think of this and act.
Hannah More

Doctor's blunders On medical records

♦Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
♦On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
♦The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
♦The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
♦Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
♦Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
♦The patient refused autopsy.
♦The patient has no previous history of suicides.
♦Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
♦Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
♦Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
♦She is numb from her toes down.
♦While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
♦The skin was moist and dry.
♦Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
♦Patient was alert and unresponsive.
♦Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
♦She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
♦I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
♦Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
♦The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
♦Skin: somewhat pale but present.
♦Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
♦Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
♦Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Goodbye Prayers

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:
"God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say goodbye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this:
"God bless Mommy. God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said "1 don't want to talk about it; I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store
clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics
rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart
bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding
a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was
going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the
irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns
are married to God."

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say,..."

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really upset.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Good morning everyboomie. wave12

Monday Monday, WOO HOO!! thumbsdown

I'm glad my day off was so short, so I can get back to business. cry12

The good news is, after today, I'll be on vacation until next year. santadance

We have rain on the way. Actually by the time you're reading this it will probably be here. penguin

If it weren't so cold, I would probably do the backstroke to work.

Still, we're staying above freezing, so I won't be able to cross country ski to work either. mad12 Darn!!

I just can't win!

That typifies Monday. lol12

I hope you all have a typically happy day. thumbsup12

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Monday - 12/30/12 09:04 PM

Joe, I wish you a very happy New Years Eve! Just think of the wonderful things that are coming your way this year. If nothing else, you will be reunited with Baby and that makes it awesome!

I will be going to dance in the morning with Sam, hike with the dogs after lunch and then in the afternoon we have early dinner reservations with my sis and BIL and then we are all heading to the casino to try our luck. My BIL said he is just going to walk in and light a match to a hundred dollar bill and call it a day. rotfl12 Oh ye of little faith.

Have a fantastic day everyone! hearts

Ana wave12
Posted by: venus

Re: Monday Monday - 12/30/12 10:52 PM

Hope your work day flies by, Joe. Enjoy your "vacation." lol12

Sounds like you have a fantastic day planned, Ana. thumbsup12 Have fun!

It's late Sunday night for me. This cold or whatever I have is still doing me in, so I'm posting now in case I don't have time in the morning. Basically, when I haven't been working, I've been sleeping. (Well, okay, sometimes I sneak in game time here and there. grin12)

And now, I'm off to bed again. sleep12

Hope everyone here has a fantastic day and a great New Year's Eve! winter
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 02:05 AM

Hope you feel better venus!

Ana wave12
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 02:48 AM

Good morning and HNY Joe,Ana,Venus and all who follow me in wave12Venus hope you feel better soon,Ana luckat the Casino,Joe happy day to you also wink12 It's cold shiver here at 19 degrees.Coffee is piping hot and ready winter
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 04:40 AM

newyear Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and Cailyn. Hope your work day flies by! Ana Good Luck at the Casino! Venus sleep is good it will help you get better faster! Cailyn it's freezing here too and lots of snow! Happy New Year to all! newyear
Posted by: venus

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 06:06 AM

Thanks Ana, Cailyn and Gerry! wave12 Hope all of you have a terrific day and HNY!

The cold still has me, but I have to work whoosh in order to get paid. smile12 So have to run before I'm late. wave12

newyear everyone!
Posted by: GBC

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 06:20 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, enjoy your vacation.

Ana, good luck at the casino.

Venus, hope you feel better.

Cailyn, coffee sounds terrific this morning.

Gerry, freezing out here too!

Have a routine hospital visit this morning. See everyone later on.

To all who come into the Diner today, newyear
Posted by: Midge

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 06:21 AM

HNY Good morning. I'm running late this morning so I'll just say have a good day, exercise please.

Midgie hearts newyear holidays
Posted by: connie

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 08:06 AM

newyear Good morning everyone. We went to The Kobie Steakhousee with Robert (#3 son), Justin (youngest grandson), and Shawn (his mom) last night. A good time was had by all and the food was Great. Today I need to find a new desk calandar, asI forgot all about getting one. I have loads of other calandars. To all here and all who follow, have a Super New Years Eve. We will be in bed sleeping at midnight, I'm sure. Happy New Year HNY to all my Boomer friends. May the new year be a Good one for all. Danish and Waffles in the NC. newyear
Posted by: flutist

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 10:47 AM

newyear Boomer Buddies.

It is trying to spit snow here but not supposed to get much of anything.

Got my brisket in the crock pot and it will cook all day. Yum. Best friends will be over around 5 and we will toast the new year in together. I am also fixing mashed potatoes, salad, cauliflower, Parker House rolls and dutch apple pie and ice cream for dessert.

Well, I hear the coffee pot calling me so guess I'll go have some.

Have a wonderful day and if I don't get back here, a very Happy New Year.

Posted by: Gimli

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 11:35 AM

Hello my Boomer friends

Already lost all hope to get Internet back this year but, surprise, the green light switched on 10 minutes ago and so I write to you very fast..... HNY
Happy New Year's Eve everybody.
I wish for all of us that the New Year will be a good one! See you next year again.
It's already 5.30 p.m. here, the New Year is just around the corner...


Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 11:56 AM

COLD. My car windows had frozen ice all over them. Got some pics of that. Should have gone out earlier before most of it melted. Wow. Freeeezing here, but only got down to 36 last night. Coldest night of the year for us. Wheeeee! Real weather AND in the afternoon, we had huge hail. Huge for us that is. Size of peas. Usually it's BB size but this was so fun. The outdoorsie cat, Ninja, was seen running helter skelter across the front yard looking for something to hide under. I think he thought someone was shooting at him again with a pellet gun. Poor kitty. Seemed OK this morning at feeding. Can't imagine what a cat thinks of hail. Must be terrible to be pelted with 'stuff' and not know where to run.

Off on my morning walk in a few. Hope there is no ice on the streets. rotfl12
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 12:35 PM

newyear Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your New Year is fabulous, and only the beginning of a fabulous year ahead!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Slept in this morning. Felt lovely...

Today, we have a wine tasting date at one of our local wineries, then daughter and boyfriend want us to stop by for a New Year's toast. They are hosting a formal New Year's Eve party for their closest friends in their new home. They have contacted a local cab service they have used in the past that will pick up and take home their guests. thumbsup12

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 01:10 PM

Sounds like everyone has wonderful plans for the day! I'm cleaning cleaning cleaning and then stopping at the store for snacky foods. Hubby and boys and son will be home around 8 tonight weather, roads, and boys permitting. puppy
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 02:25 PM

Been busy here so far today to get everything done before it is too late. lol12

Joe thanks for the laughs.

Ana have a wonderful time tonight!!

venus hope you feel better.

Gail good luck with the routine!! hearts

HNY Cailyn, Gerry, Connie, Sorta, Evelyne,Darlene,Bets and everybody else. Have a wonderful new year!!

I will be bowling the new year in at "moonlight" bowling!!

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 02:34 PM

Well, daughter and I shook our booties for 90 minutes and I burned off enough calories to go out to dinner. lol12 Unfortunately, while I was at the club, my BIL was also working out at his gym and he came down with a bad case of the stomach flu. Sis is coming over on her own and she will go out to with hubby and I anyways. I feel bad for hubby, because he will miss my BIL.

Tomorrow mornings weather just keeps getting worse. My instructor and I were discussing on how we are going to be wearing so much clothes it'll be hard to run. The wind chill is supposed to be 1 degree. rotfl12 If I can get through that the rest of years workouts will be a piece of cake!

Going to work a bit before it's time to head out. Have a happy day!
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 02:40 PM

Enjoy new year eve all and 2013 is gonna be a great year for the G'Boomers!!!

Overcast, rainey and warmish today -rain most welcome and how.

Buttercup has confiscated my favorite PC chair and a comfy coushon(spelling?) that goes with it but that's OK as there's always that hardback chair for me. The pets and I will celebrate tonight quietly. Maybe I'll watch a scary movie.

Outdoor tomatos need some life support although a few warm nights would help. And that's just what we are getting till Thursday.

Off to do the dishes and clean up

happy party all
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 03:03 PM

Ana eek12 and double eek12
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 03:06 PM

L4L, did soot and the kids go away? Come on over! We can run together for warmth. lol12

Yankee, enjoy your evening with the furry ones. I hope your tomatoes pull through.

Nan, have fun bowling!
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 03:28 PM

Hi Boomers. Have a fun and safe New Years eve!
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 03:52 PM

Ana, yes Soot and the boys and son did a quick visit to his mom in NE. Getting there was an adventure all by itself as there was a huge storm. They will be here in a bit so I need to vac and dust and go get food. I'm sure we will all be up at midnight to see the New Year arrived but expect to loose them all at 12:01. The trip home seems to be going a bit more smoothly, but they have about 6 hours more.

You will have to let us know how the run goes tomorrow, and yes, I'm with you...if you can do that, nothing is beyond you. luck
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 04:15 PM

Ana! You need one of those skin tight shiny body suits that they wear at the Olympics for skiing and all those other outdoor winter sports. They stay warm with very light weight suits. Not to mention how it would hug your curves. scared Be sure to post pictures! evil
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 06:32 PM

Well, apparently everyone in our town waited to the last minute to do their New Year's Eve/New Year's Day food shopping like I did. I bopped out to the nearest store and Holy Moly, there was No Parking! Eeeeeeeek and Double Eeeeeeek!

I so should not have gone in there hungry. The bad news is the bill, but the good news is that we have a wide variety of junk food.

Now I am so very achy. The back has declared that it doesn't want to play anymore, so it's time to sit and surf and sip for a bit.

Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 07:48 PM

Hey everybody. I'm finally done with my day, and you know what? I think I'm done with my year too. yes

So long 2012. wave12

Evie I'm glad you got your internet back long enough to visit us. bravo12

Ana..... shiver....I'll be with you in spirit. kissy12

L4L I know that feeling of going to the grocery store on an empty stomach. When I got home it was my wallet that was empty. shocked

Hope your back is feeling better.

I hope you all have a nice evening.

I doubt I'll still be up at midnight. tired

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 08:30 PM

The lady at the slot machine next to me won 19k and didn't care. Is it wrong to rob her in the parking lot?
Posted by: Midge

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 08:38 PM

Ana you kill me. rotfl12 Good luck tomorrow Sweetie. I'm cheering you on in spirit. newyear newyear everyone.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Monday - 12/31/12 09:30 PM

Thanks for the encouragement everyone! I will likely be so bundled, if I fall down, I won't be able to get up! :rotfl:

I'm home for the evening and sis just went home to her hubby. I will be in the corner till bedtime.

Ana wave12
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Monday Monday - 01/01/13 01:26 AM

Originally Posted By: BrownEyedTigre
The lady at the slot machine next to me won 19k and didn't care. Is it wrong to rob her in the parking lot?

Ana, you made me laugh out loud!! rotfl12 Thank you!

Awaiting the New Year....
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Monday - 01/01/13 01:33 AM

I kid you not! She sat down on the same machine I had next to me and won 19,OOO.00 and was completely nonchalant about it. Her and her friend. They seemed annoyed to have to wait for the process of getting their money. I would have been screaming and jumping up and down. Heck, I would be screaming for 1000.00 dollars!
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Monday Monday - 01/01/13 02:07 AM

You and me both, Ana! Happy New Year! newyear

And to all sweet 'Boomies! newyear