Thursday's Child

Posted by: gymcandy1

Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 12:16 AM

"The human brain is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's time to turn off the sound."
Pat Elphinstone

I know that "going blank" feeling. 


The Shoplifter...

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.

"Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either.
What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip.

The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend.
Can you show me something less expensive?"

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a dept. store and asks -
"W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"
Again, the clerk doesn`t answer him.

The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?" And the clerk just seems to ignore him.
Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "why wouldn`t you answer that guy's question?"

The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like it's full of onions!!!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.

The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.
"Just look at him. He's afraid to cough!"

A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.

Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.

The owner replies, "Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!"

Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.
The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.

"Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit.
But tell me, what in the world happened to you?"

"Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said it fit him great.
As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!"

Good morning everyboomie.  happydance12

My name is Joe and I sell jokes and coffee. 

Actually the jokes are free, cause I figure if people see you laughing while drinking my coffee, they'll wanna know what I put in it, and I'll sell more coffee.  grin12

You see if I don't sell enough coffee then I'll have to sell something my sister. grinch

I REALLY hope the coffee sells though cause I just don't think I'll get much for sis. duh12

She's not much to look at, she can't do much, and she's not that smart. smirk

I'm kidding. lol12

No I'm not.

Yes I am..... lol12

No I'm not..... evil

Ok this could go on and on, if I wasn't out of my smiley allotment so....

It's kinda like playing "she loves me....she loves me not...she loves me.....she loves me not", you just don't know which way it's gonna end......"L...O...L"

Have a happy day everyone.

Posted by: cailyn

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 03:10 AM

Good morning Joe wave12You are to funny lol12Thanks for selling the coffee and jokes every morning,It's 13 degrees this morning shiverbut they say next week it will be in the 40's happydance12Have a happy day everyone sherlock
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 04:21 AM

happydance12 Good morning and happy Day Joe, Cailyn and all heading for the Diner this morning! happydance12
Posted by: GBC

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 06:00 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, you're funny!

Cailyn, glad to see you here with the coffee! Just what I need! Thanks.

Gerry, good morning.

Wow, it's cold outside this morning! Wishing everyone who comes into the Diner a nice warm comfortable stay. penguin
Posted by: connie

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 07:07 AM

Good morning everyone. Midge, Hugs on the way. catrub Sorta, birthday. Ana, the boys are stil in Pennsylvania. Not sure what's on the agenda yet. Hubby is still sleeping. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Thursday. winter
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 10:08 AM

winter Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! You are too funny! kissy12 Hope your Thursday is fantastic!

birthday Sorta! Woohoo and booyah!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 10:31 AM

lol12 Joe great laughs, thanks!! The coffee is great too! Friday today?? Hope it flies so you can start your day off.

Cailyn 13 here this morning too. Was a little cool walking with Sassy cause of the wind. Thanks for the hot coffee!!

Gerry have a lovely day!

Gail pray that things are going well for you! HUGS! Stay warm!!

Connie have fun what ever pops up for you! Thanks for the danish!! Yummmmmy!

Darlene may work go smoothly for you today! Have a nice day!

No plans here.....yet!!

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 11:49 AM

Good morning boomies! I just set up my new keyboard I bought yesterday and I can't type well on it yet. lol12 The keys are different and I hit more than one at a time. It will be a learning curve.

Joe, thanks for the chuckles. You rock. You could do a comedy routine at your sisters expense. lol12

Sue, sounds like you have our new years day weather now. Stay warm!

Gerry, have a great day!

Gail, I hope you don't need to go in the cold. Have a great gaming day!

Connie, have a happy day.

Darlene, safe skooshing! How is mom doing?

Nan, are you still doing the fish frys or are they over now?

Off to the corner and then I'll be running the dogs later.
Posted by: flutist

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 02:05 PM

Too late for Good morning, so, good afternoon.

Started the day out with a trip to Wally World. Had to get some stuff to make lasagna for Susie and Vince to take with them on Sunday. They are meeting her Aunt Dianne and sister Kristi. Since those two are Alabama fans and Vince is a fan of Notre Dame, they are all meeting in Memphis and watch the game there. Sounds like they will have some fun. We will take care of Winston and Chloe. We will have some fun too trying to keep Winston from flipping his lip up at Cory. Then Cory nails him.

birthday Sorta. Hope you have a great day.

Midgie, hugs, hugs and more hugs.

Need to go figure out what to fix for dinner tonight.

Stay warm everyone.

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 02:20 PM

Thumping Good Thursday puppy

Been a busy but enjoyable morning. Now I'm pretending it's Monday and looking at the books and considering how I'd like to cook them. Considering grilling, baking, and stewing.

But first I'm going to feed myself. wave12
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 05:36 PM

Good afternoon Boomers. Cold and snow here. thumbsdown
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 06:19 PM

Ana funny you should ask cause tomorrow will be the start up of fish fry. They stopped for the holidays and now we will go till Memorial weekend! Then off for the summer.

Hope the corner is being kind to you. Did you make it out with the dogs? Me and Sassy did two half milers! The wind is really cold out there today.

Bets sounds like they will have a wonderful time. Prayers for the Band around them as they travel.

L4l did ya get the books cooked? lol12

Space have a lovely evening.

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 07:19 PM

Finally some action at the dreaded Apartments! I was getting so bored. While I was out shopping, the firetruck and ambulance arrived and thank goodness our 'Oxford Street Lady's Detective Agency' only honorary male member (my tenant/friend) was out front and saw it all.

They went to the side that houses a 2 bedroom apartment in which all the males live (those that were in a huge fight a weeks back for missing money) and packed up and took away the well dressed Drug seller guy who I'd seen earlier today looking just fine. He was sitting up talking on his cell phone (I think it's permanently implanted in his ear). Dunno what his deal was, but off he went in the ambulance. Will do a little digging later to see if anyone knows what happened. Haven't seen his roomie (the guy who beat him up) since the big fight. Maybe he came back.

At least there was something fun to occupy my time this afternoon. rah
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 08:21 PM

Looks like everyone is unwinding from the holidays. Quiet day here.

Bets, sounds like Susie and Vince are in for a fun weekend.

L4L, I lost track of days with hubby being home. Next week should be easier to keep track.

SpaceQ, stay warm!

Nan, I did get the dogs out this afternoon. I took a header walking in the field when my foot got caught on something I couldn't see. I'll probably have some bruises in the morning.
I am glad you can go back to the fish fry tomorrow. yay12

Sorta, so my wish for your birthday came true. Finally some fun stuff in the hood!
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 08:29 PM

Thanks for that wish Ana. AND to add to that, a few minutes ago, the fire trucks and ambulance headed South on the two main streets that I fall between AND right after those whizzed by, I saw the 'companion' of the drunk lady drive out of the driveway like the proverbial bat out of you know where. Only when I looked, it wasn't HIM it was HER driving drunk, or high or both, with NO license and no insurance. Ohhhhhh! She was back in less than 3 minutes, so I'm thinking she thought it was her boy toy that might have been injured (he camps out at a nearby bar and staggers home drunk on occasion). Guess it wasn't since she was back so soon and wasn't even enough time to stop into her favorite corner liquor store. Gotta watch out for her driving now. She knows she isn't supposed to be doing that. scared
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 09:06 PM

Sounds like a great evening Sorta. lol12
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 09:13 PM

So, son and hubby and I are watching football...but it's not looking promising.

I discovered this afternoon that my spaghetti pot is weird is that? Perrin told me it had to be there as it didn't have legs so it couldn't walk off.

We may end up watching the 3rd Batman movie.

Nan, I thought I had all the books cooked but then hubby came home and brought in an enormous stack of receipts from the trip. rotfl12 More book cooking tomorrow. puppy
Posted by: Midge

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 09:20 PM

Hi guys. I just got home from work and now I'm just reading the posts for today. Hi Ana. wave12 Sorta birthday to you.

I have an early work shift tomorrow morning so I have to turn in soon. I've been filling in for two other care givers this week. I worked every day this week. I lost my day off which was supposed to be Wednesday but there are 2 other workers who are both sick. Tomorrow I work in the morning, that's my normal shift, but I'm afraid that I'll have to work tomorrow night as well. We'll see.

Night all.

Midgie hearts sleep12
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 10:07 PM

Ah Midgie, I hope you get your time off.
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 11:47 PM

L4L, I have things that walk away too and I have no idea how that could happen. lol12

Midgie, make sure you get some down time for you. hearts

Ana wave12
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 11:52 PM

Brrrrr that wind surely makes it cold outside. It is gusting at like 29mph and with the temp in the low teens....Brrrr!!

Oh Ana!!! Not the thing to do. Prayers that you are just fine in the morning!! hearts

Midge that is nice of you to fill in for the other workers. Prayers you stay healthy!!

Sorta birthday Glad there is some excitment in the hood. lol12

Think I shall retire for the day and snuggle with Sassy! Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/03/13 11:55 PM

Sweet dreams Nan. I had to add an extra cover on my bed the other night because I was too cold.
I have a bruised knee but other than that I think I escaped injury. Stay warm!

Sweet dreams all...I am off to bed too.
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Thursday's Child - 01/04/13 12:04 AM

Hello everybody.

I'm bopping in to wish you all a good night. wave12

I have to get tomorrow started. It's my night off and I'm already half asleep.

It's my left side. sleep12

Good thing I'm right sided. grin12

Sleep tight everyone. wink12