GB HOMEPAGE

Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday

Posted By: gymcandy1

Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/07/13 01:02 AM

"The pure impulse of dynamic creation is formless; and being formless, the creation it gives rise to can assume any and every form." --
Kabbalah
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be darned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.

"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.

A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"

"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."

"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there." slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push??"

"No, get lost, it's half past three. I was in bed." says the man and slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says:

"Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"

"But the guy was drunk." says the husband.

"It doesn't matter." says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."

So the husband out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts:

"Hey, do you still want a push??" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your porch swing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course", comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Scotland", replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Scotland too! Let's have another round to Scotland."

"Of Course", replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Scotland are you from?"

"Aberdeen", comes the reply.

"I can't believe it", says the first man. "I'm from Aberdeen too! Let's have another drink to Aberdeen."

"Of course", replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Andrews", replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Andrews and graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

"What's been going on?", he asks the bartender

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The MacClyde twins are drunk again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One night a man walks into a bar with a pig. The bartender says to the man, "That's a great looking pig, but why does he have a wooden leg?"

So the man says, "Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. One night my house was on fire and he dragged me to safety. Saved my life."

The bartender says. "Well, that's great. But why does he have a wooden leg?"

The man says, "Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. One time I was out sailing and the boat capsized. This pig swam me to safety. Saved my life."

The bartender says, "That's really terrific, but why the wooden leg?"

The man says, "Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. Last week during an earthquake my house collapsed and my pig pulled me out. Saved my life."

And finally the bartender says,"Wow, that is one special pig. He saved you from a fire, an earthquake and from drowning. But why does he have a wooden leg?"

The man says, "When you have a pig this special you can't eat all of it at once."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. happydance12

Ham anyone?  grin12

I kill me!  snicker

Once more I'm at death's door. tired

That means in a few minutes I'll be in bed, and dead to the world.  sleep12

I just keep thinking, this one, and one more, and I'll have two whole days off in a row. penguin

I have at least 4 days worth of "to do" list for those two days off, but there are two big over-riding, determining factors, that will affect what I do.

1 What is the weather going to do?
2 My mood


Those two things will determine exactly what I get done in those two days.....besides hunting arrowheads. grin12

Enjoy your day everyone. bravo12



joe
Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/07/13 01:31 AM

I know how you feel about those "days off". I had a half a free day yesterday and I had so many errands to do it's more stressful than working. lol12

I hope these work days go quickly for you and the days off go slow. grin12

Have a great day everyone! I will be cleaning house. running the dogs and going to dance at night. I may or may not be in the corner the rest of the time.

Ana wave12
Posted By: cailyn

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/07/13 10:26 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana and all who follow me in waveCoffee is a brewing I'll keep it hot and fresh!Gail hope your feeling better heartsHappy day all puppy
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/07/13 11:04 AM

winter Good Morning Joe, Ana and Cailyn.Joe you're as sharpe as an arrowhead! Ana hope your day is stress free. Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Happy Day wished for all! winter
Posted By: connie

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/07/13 12:47 PM

Good morning everyone. Gail, prayers you are feeling better. Sharon, prayers that you are recovering and doing well. Please keep my best friend Sandy in your prayers. She is in A Fib again and gotten a cold on top of that. She gets worn out just walking a few feet. They are going to Zap her pacemaker again when she gets over the cold. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish, Waffles, Pancakes, Bacon and Eggs, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. winter
Posted By: SharonB

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/07/13 03:18 PM

Thanks Connie and yes my prayers go out to your friend that she recover quickly.

You set a wonderful table and have made me very hungry.

Laundry today, then occupational therapist.
Posted By: Darlene

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/07/13 04:01 PM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your sip, surf, & skip work Monday is mahvelous!

Gail, prayers that you are feeling better!

Connie, prayers going up for your friend, Sandy!

Sharon, glad to hear you are doing better!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted By: auntiegram

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/07/13 05:01 PM

Joe you can do it!!! Only one more after today!!! May the time fly! Thanks for the chuckles.

Cleaning, running, and dancing!!! Sounds like a fun day Ana!!! Enjoy the time you have away from the corner. That ought to refresh the brain cells!!! lol

Cailyn thanks for starting the coffee!! Good to the last drop!! Have a nice day!

Gerry have a nice day!

Gail thinking of you and praying that all is well and that you are feeling better. HUGS!!

Connie prayers headed up for your friend Sandy!! HUGS to you both!! Thanks for the danish!

Sharon hope all is going well with you and your recovery is moving right along!!

Darlene prayers that you day go smoothly!! I'm sure this time of the year is kind of hard for some. Have a lovely day!

No plans except to run to the post office then BINGO later this evening!!

wave
Nan

Sure am glad the 12 is gone. lol
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/07/13 05:43 PM

Magnificent Monday ya'll wave

So who here will be plonked in front of their tv at 1930 CST tonight to cheer on Al? We will be drawing straws tonight to see who we are cheering for so we have at least one person cheering for each team.

Safelight is on the way to replace the windshield in our van. It was a casualty of the road last month. Once they leave I think I'm going back to bed. I slept great while I slept, but woke up waaaaaaaaaay too early. I didn't get up but now I'm really tired.

Son and I are hoping to get the monkeys out for a walk and of course there is Mt. St. Laundry to climb and some books to bake, broil, or stew. Too cold out to grill.

Back later puppy
Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/07/13 08:53 PM

Good afternoon boomies! I've been busy working, cooking. laundry, cleaning and arguing with a stubborn child. lol So far a full day and not much fun.

I have to finish all of these things so I shall return. Maybe if I get done at a reasonable hour, I can walk the dogs. It's not looking good.

Ana wave
Posted By: 3dobermans

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/07/13 08:58 PM

Good noon day wishes.
Woke to snow with about 3 inches then turned to rain and a lot of slush.
Must mean a gaming day.

Take care to all and may the day go smoothly.
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/07/13 09:47 PM

Good afternoon Boomers. wave
Posted By: auntiegram

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/07/13 09:55 PM

L4l I'll peek in on the game when I get home from BINGO!! It is a lovely day here! We have made it to 40!!! Bit of a wind though. So me and Sassy took a nice long over a mile hike!!

Ana you have to be related to that "energizer bunny"! lol Hope you can get some fun time in!!

Trippy I hope it is all snowed and rained out before it gets here. lol Ours is melting today!! happydance

Space have a nice evening!!

wave
Nan
Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/07/13 10:56 PM

All I have left to do is vacuum and I did manage to get the dogs in for their hike as well. Peter came with which was a rare treat. I'm going to jump in the shower so that I don't get thrown out of dance class tonight. lol

I be back....
Posted By: Lotus777

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/07/13 11:38 PM

Hi Everyone!! Sure been missing it here but with good pc ill and hubby ill and..... I will get things sorted out soon, I hope! crazy Ana, do you ever stop for five minutes?? You are a paragon of work-ly virtue!! Where is Eveylene??? Still engrossed in her classes? Hi SharonB...need to read up on older posts but I am glad to see you back here again. A dark and rainy day here. Perhaps some time to continue my most enjoyable book, Culpa Innata.... yes! Happy Gaming!!! wave
Posted By: gymcandy1

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/08/13 01:14 AM

Hello everybody. wave

I had a long day starting this morning at 3:30, and tomorrow I get to do it again. tired

I'm under the gun to get ready for tomorrow and get to bed, so I'm wishing everybody a pleasant evening. happydance

I see my little happy dance guy is back from his Christmas vacation. I missed him. happydance

Good night everybody. wave

joe
Posted By: niteowl07

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/08/13 01:32 AM

still way too cold here for my liking shiver but maybe we'll get a thaw or something.

nan - it's a common misconception that the desert is always warm - even in the summer the temp can drop very fast once the sun goes down. but we also have some very high elevations - i'm in what is technically a mountain area ,but 20 min. away is much lower. wind can also be a factor in temps dropping - there is nothing to stop it. crazy ,huh ?

midgie ,how is your new place ? have you been able to just sit and relax at all ?

hope all are well.

joe , what a crazy schedule you have - you sure you don't work health care ? hope you sleep well , and wake with plenty of energy.

ana ,busy as ever. hope you get your puzzle worked out ok.

well , i'm going to get ready to watch a movie before i go into hibernation for the night - see you all tomorrow !

catrub wave
Posted By: GBC

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/08/13 02:09 AM

Good Evening Boomers

Missed posting. I'm finally starting to feel better.

Wishing everyone a wonderful night. hearts
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/08/13 02:10 AM

Gail, so glad you are feeling better wave

Son has been making goodies for the game and we are watching the pregame! Roll Tide! puppy

edit: And they score on kick off puppy

edit 2: And again (though Notre Dame has had not 1, but 2 bad calls against them)
Posted By: auntiegram

Re: Sip, Surf, & Skip Work Monday - 01/08/13 05:44 AM

Glad you were able to fit the dogs in Ana and what a treat to have Peter with you!! Did you figure out the puzzle??

Lotus please don't send your weather this direction. lol I want Spring!! Prayers that both hubby and the computer are better soonest!!

Night Joe sleep well!

Niteowl thanks for the eye opener!!! lol Enjoy the movie!!

Gail I am so glad that you are feeling better. HUGS!!

L4l enjoy the game.

well I am heading for my pillow. Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan
© 2024 GameBoomers Community