Posted by: gymcandy1

Saturday - 01/11/13 08:51 PM

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Rita Rudner


A lady on the airplane strikes up a conversation with the fellow sitting in the next seat, "..and where are you going?"

"I'm going to San Francisco to a Unix convention," he replies.

"Eunuchs convention?" she questions. "I didn't know there were that many of you."

A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

"House," in French, is feminine-"la mansion."

"Pencil," in French, is masculine - "le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "...What gender is computer?..."

The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary.

So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist sitting around late one evening, and they got to discussing which was the oldest profession.

The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam's rib.

This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world.

The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession.

The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, "Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?"

The gigantic computer took up a whole wall, dwarfing the two mathematicians standing before it.

After much flashing and humming a sliver of paper emerged from the vitals of the machine.

One mathematician, after studying it gravely, turned to the other and said with awe, "Do you realise that it would take four hundred ordinary mathematicians a hundred years of calculations to make a mistake this big?"

Microsoft (Nasdaq: MSFT) announced that it is selling advertising space in the error messages that appear in Windows.

Acknowledging for the first time that the average user of their operating system encounters error messages at least several times a day, Microsoft is trying to take financial advantage of the unavoidable opportunity to make an ad impression.

"We estimate that throughout the world at any given moment several million people are getting a 'General Protection Fault' or 'Illegal Operation' warning.

We will be able to generate significant revenue by including a short advertising message along with it," said Microsoft marketing director Nathan Mirror.

He also mentioned that Microsoft is intended to add banner ads into its Blue Screen of Death in the near future.

The Justice Department immediately indicated that they intend to investigate whether Microsoft is gaining an unfair advantage in reaching the public with this advertising by virtue of its semi-monopolistic control over error messages.

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Ok then, I’ve got your quote, your jokes, & your coffee. yes

Now all you need is a few wise cracks from the head wise cracker, or is it wise quacker? duh

It could be quacker. It seems every time I tell a wise crack I have to "duck" from someone throwing rotten fruit at me. snicker

I think I may be manic compulsive.....or something.

Most people, when they have an itch, will scratch it with their fingers by putting the fingers on the itch, and rapidly moving the fingers back and forth on the itch. headscratch

I, on the other hand, will put my fingers on the itchy part of my body, and then rapidly move that body part back and forth against my fingers. snicker

That reminds me of the time that my oldest son, when he was very young, was riding his bicycle when his shoelace became wrapped around the foot pedal. Instead of taking his shoe off, and unwrapping the shoelace from the foot pedal, he sat down in the middle of the street, and proceeded to try and run the whole bicycle around his foot. rotfl

He got his intelligence from his Mother. Unfortunately he got his common sense from her too.

I can't think of any more wise cracks, or any dumb cracks, for that matter. thumbsdown

I guess I'll see you all at the crack of dawn.

Have a happy day. wink


Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturday - 01/11/13 09:03 PM

rotfl So what's wrong with running the bike around his foot? lol My sister ran away on her tricycle and went to the corner of the block and stayed there because she wasn't allowed to cross streets.

Have a happy day Joe and thanks for providing us with humor and coffee. hearts

I will be in the corner for most of the day and if I get up early enough I'll go to weight class.

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 02:27 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana and all wave
The weather is sunny so a walk near the sea
and the old port will be great penguin
Have all a nice Saturday smile
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 03:51 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula waveCoffee is on I'll kep it hot!Haroula enjoy your walk,it's 40 degrees here which is not bad for January,have a great day all sherlock
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 04:36 AM

wave Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe it's almost the crack of dawn - where are you? grin Ana hope you get to fit in some fun today! yes Haroula a walk by the sea and the old port sounds lovely. happydance Cailyn temp is 40's here to but very damp and raw! shiver Happy day all! penguin
Posted by: connie

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 07:58 AM

Good morning everyone. I would be very happy to send some of our warm air to those that need it. The temps are in the mid 80's. They keep telling me this is Winter. winter Our pool pump died, so we have to send a part back to them to get the pump replaced. We will take it to youngest son today. He runs a Pack and Ship. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Saturday. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, Pancakes, Sausage, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. penguin
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 09:03 AM

Good morning Joe, Ana, Haroula, Sue, Gerry, and Connie. wave
Posted by: venus

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 09:21 AM

Hope work flies, Joe.

Hope your project goes well, and you have time to go to weight class, Ana. smile

Enjoy your walk by the sea, Haroula. Sounds fantastic. thumbsup

Have a great day, too, Cailyn.

Stay warm, Gerry. shiver

Wow, Connie, that is way too hot for winter. eek It is supposed to get up in the sixties here, which is too warm for Maryland this time of year.

Have a great day, Space Quest.

I'm back everyone. wave Sorry I was gone for so long. All those hours during the holidays, and the week after the holidays for cleanup were just too much after a while, and I needed a break from a lot of things. Now, of course, I have the opposite problem. lol They cut my hours way too much. I'm hoping I get some more when we have pulls, which should happen every week. My manager will just adjust the schedule accordingly week per week.

As for today, I actually have some time to game. happydance

Hope everyone here has a fantastic Saturday. winter
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 10:43 AM

Good morning boomies! I'm off to class and hubby is off golfing. Sounds more like summer than winter. lol

Venus, good to see you back!

back in a bit...
Posted by: GBC

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 11:58 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, wishing you a good day!

Ana, enjoy your class.

Cailyn, nice weather. Enjoy the day.

Haroula, I wished I lived near the beach.

Gerry, we still have snow on the ground but temperature is nice.

Connie, hope your pool pump gets replaced soon.

Morning Space.

Venus, have fun gaming!

Slept in this morning. I'll be having a nice quiet day!
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 01:07 PM

Joe you are just too funny!! Thanks for the laughs!!! lol Only one more to go???? May work go well today!

Ana hubby sure is a dedicated golfer. Isn't it a little cool?? Hope he has fun! Enjoy class and may the corner stay go well!

Cailyn thanks for getting the coffee going!! Have a nice day!

Gerry enjoy the nice temps! Have a nice day!

Oh Haroula what lovely plans for the day, Enjoy!!

Oh Connie, (gulp, gulp) hot chocolate!!! Yummmy and hits the spot to warm me up!! It's 21 and dropping here today! Good luck on the pool part!! Thanks for the treats!!

Space have a lovely weekend!!

venus sounds like they belong to the "giveth and taketh" club. Hope they find you some more hours. In the mean time......Happy Gaming!!

Gail enjoy your nice and quiet day!! HUGS!! Hope you are feeling all better now.

No plans here but walking is not on the list since the temp keeps dropping and the sidewalks are ice.

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 01:20 PM

Class was great, glad I went and now I am back in the corner. The dogs want out but I'm not in the mood for the mud. They can bond with me at home for a change. puppy

Nan, stay warm and be careful on the ice. We went to 51 and fell to to 36 already. It supposed to go to 23. Hope hubby can get his round in before he freezes. lol
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 01:31 PM

Super Saturday Ya'll wave

It's hot hot hot in Al. We had to turn the AC on for a little bit last night. It was soooooo hot in the house that I couldn't eat, and that does not happen.

Son was supposed to take the boys to the zoo today, but that fall down the stairs the other day caused some major problems sad

Anyway, off to feed little ones! Back later wave
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 02:23 PM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Sounds like an early morning for you! Hope your Saturday is stupendous!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Slept in.... smile

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!
Posted by: Midge

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 03:20 PM

Hi all. Just taking a break before I have to go back to work for 5:00. Sounds like you all are having a good day. L4L that's really hot for this time of year. It's in the 40's here.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 04:52 PM

Hello everybody. Well I was at work when dawn cracked, and it's always nice getting off early. wave

It was 63 degrees when I went out to work at 4:30. At 11:00 it started raining, and the temperature started to drop. 42 degrees when I started home. shocked

I've decided to stay home and relax instead of going to Mom's. yes

Talking to son on the phone...... wink
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 05:07 PM

Ana I hope that they finished the round too!! We are at 16 now. And of course there has to be a wind with it. lol Sending treats to the corner!

Too funny L4l. We have the heat going and you have to have the A/C going! Prayers for son!

Darlene have an easy-peasy day! Happy Gaming.

Midge there you are. May work be fun and enjoy the 40's!!

Aw joe sorry it started raining but maybe it will unearth some heads. Arrow type ones, I mean. lol

Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 05:47 PM

Hey Nan. Yes I'm sure a good rain will help uncover something. thumbsup

I just spoke with son Josh. He's coming down here in April. He'll visit me, and some friends in Austin. I haven't seen him since he was here three years ago. woot

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 07:03 PM

Midgie, so glad to see you, we missed you. How was your appt?

Joe, that is so awesome! Is he the one who got married? yay

Nan, we have winter storm warnings now.

be back
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 07:10 PM

Ana Josh is my youngest. He's not married. He is in Portland, and Jason is in Deleware. wink

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 07:20 PM

Joe, I'd kill for 63. rotfl
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 08:07 PM

L4L, I'll gladly take your excess heat.

Joe, how fun!
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 08:25 PM

Sending it on up Ana.....Sending sending sending!
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 08:32 PM

I think it's coming in the form of freezing rain. rotfl
Posted by: Marian

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 08:35 PM

Ana, believe it or not, it was 12 degrees here this morning, the high was about 36 degrees - and tonight it's supposed to go down to about 9 degrees. shiver

I wish everyone a great evening. thumbsup wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 08:39 PM

That is not the picture I have in my mind when I think of California. lol Stay warm!
Posted by: Marian

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 08:42 PM

Originally Posted By: BrownEyedTigre
That is not the picture I have in my mind when I think of California. lol

I suspected that was the case! grin
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 08:51 PM

When hubby and I went to SF and Napa Valley I was really disappointed. We went in a year there was a horrible drought and everything was dead and brown and it was foggy. Too chilly to swim at the ocean and too hot inland. rotfl We drove way up north though and it was so much prettier. I loved the trees and wooded coastline but not at all what I envisioned. Next time I want to go to southern California. lol
Posted by: Marian

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 10:16 PM

Ana, I used to live in the Napa Valley; in Napa, as a matter of fact. It sounds like you picked a really bad year to go there. lol

Southern California would definitely be a different experience. You might want to consider going to Lake Tahoe on the California/Nevada border also; it's terrific. There's a lot of diversity in this state; that's for sure. wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 10:20 PM

Well, I'm done for the day. Body is tired and brain checked out a couple of hours ago. Sleep well all sleep
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 10:28 PM

Marian, hubby used to live in California and doesn't want to go back. We went for free when his boss won a charity auction for Meadowwood resort and couldn't go. I have never stayed in a 1000 dollar a night room before and the bed was one you never wanted to get out of. rotfl I will never forget that bed. He loves Oregon but I would be too depressed with the rain and cloudy skies. I need sun to survive.

L4L, sweet dreams.
Posted by: venus

Re: Saturday - 01/12/13 10:28 PM

Well, I'm off to sleep. Even though it's a short day, I have to be prepared for work in the morning. smile

Good night, everyone. sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Saturday - 01/13/13 12:13 AM

Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams.

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturday - 01/13/13 12:41 AM

Good night venus and nan. sleep