Sip N Surf Sunday

Posted by: gymcandy1

Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/12/13 10:36 PM

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W.C. Fields
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Facts of Life
Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'

PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter (or at least men think it means that). PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My
Spouse.

The first naked man a woman sees is 'Ken'.

Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

'Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different
meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.

Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.

If it is not Valentine's Day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'

Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'.

All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.

If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys (which gets them in More trouble).

Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they 'left the seat up' instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.

Women can get out of speeding tickets by
pouting. This will get men arrested.

Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girls are evil
Girls = time * money

time = money, therefore:

Girls = money * money (*)

But we know that money is a root of all evil, thus:

money = sqrt(evil)

Taking into account (*), we have:

Girls = sqrt(evil)*sqrt(evil)

And finally:

Girls = |evil|

Thus, Girls are the absolute evil!

Clear as mud?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Cynic's Approach To Love
If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.

If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Definitions By Gender
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood. Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a helmet.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

BUTT (but) n
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
Male: What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2&1/2 min.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your
divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your
questions is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't
communicate with me!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A sad-faced Doug walked into a flower shop early one morning.

The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Doug's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Doug asked for a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary.

"And what day will that be?" the clerk asked.

Glumly he replied, "Yesterday".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Happy Mother's Day! woot

Well, it's my Mother's day. bravo

It's rumoured she's pushing 85, but she swears she's only 82.

I said Mom, you say you're gonna retire at 90, so which puts you closer to retirement 82, or 85? headscratch

She said "I'm 88". snicker

What a card! hearts

Hmmmm could this be where my penchant for exageration comes from?? rolleyes

Unfortunately it's Sunday and I have to close tonight, but I am off Monday & Tuesday. WooHoo.. woot

Have a happy day everyone.

jose



Posted by: 3dobermans

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/12/13 11:19 PM

An early good morning though it's only 8 Sat eve here. Do know it's been cold, cold for a few days; down in the teens and low 20's.

But now will kick back for the eve and wish all a great Sunday.
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 12:11 AM

Thanks for the chuckles Jose and birthday to mom! It looks like the acorn didn't fall far from the tree. lol

It's my anniversary today. hearts

Trippy, stay warm!

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 02:19 AM

Joe birthday to your mom.
Ana happy anniversary flowersHow many years?
Good morning boomers have all a nice Sunday wave
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 04:13 AM

winter Good Morning Joe, Trippy, Ana and Haroula. Joe wishing your mom a Happy Birthday birthday . Hope your work day whooshes by! monky Ana congrats and Happy Anniversary! flowers Trippy that's cold! shiver Hope you stay warm. Haroula enjoy your day. wave Cailyn coffee 's ready! smile Happy Day to all! wave
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 04:26 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Trippy,Haroula,Gerry wave birthdayto your mom Joe,Ana Happy Anniversary to you and hubby!Are you doing anything special today?Gerry thanks for getting the coffee ready,have a great day all puppy
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 04:41 AM

penguin Good Morning to you to Cailyn. Enjoy your weekend. penguin
Posted by: venus

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 05:07 AM

Well, it's time for a work whoosh. Should be a short day today, but it still feels way too early. lol

Hope everyone has a terrific Sunday. wave winter
Posted by: connie

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 07:18 AM

Good morning everyone. Joe, birthday to your mother. Ana, Happy Anniversary. flowers I'm sending you some of our warm air. It's still in the 80's here. I will not turn on the AC in Jan. thumbsdown Breakfast out after our walk today. To all here and all who follow, have a Super Sunday. Danish, Pancakes, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Hash Browns, and Toast in the NC. penguin
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 09:44 AM

Good morning everybody. wave

Thanks for the birthday well wishes for Mum. yes

I kept waking up during the night to the sound of rain hitting my windows, and wind blowing. When I got up it was still very cloudy, but it's cleared and sunny now. woot

I'll be heading off to work in a about 3 hours. taz

I can't wait till tomorrow. happydance

Have a great day everyone. rah

joe

OOPS!! Ana HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!! flowers
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 09:54 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Sunday is easy peasy, and birthday to your Mum!

Hey, Ana! Happy Anniversary toooooooo yooooouuuuu!! flowers

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Volunteering at church this morning!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: soot

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 10:15 AM

woot Happy Anniversary Ana .. wishing you both a blessed adventure on your next trip around the sun!!

Morning gang .. just got power back (whew) thank goodness to keep the munchkins quiet thru the day .. grin .. and not miss playoff games lol

Wishing you all a Super Sunday!!

wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 12:44 PM

Joe tell your mom birthday for me!! I see why you are the way you are. lol May work fly so you can start those two days off!! Thanks for the laughs!

Trippy that is warm compared to here. This morning it was like +3 out there but the windchill was on the minus side. lol Hope it warms up for ya.

Ana Happy Aniversary to you and hubby!! May you both have many, many more!!! hearts Hope the corner is going well!!

Gerry thanks for the coffee!! have a nice day!

Cailyn have a nice day!

venus happy whoooooooshing!!! lol

Connie heat please and thank you!!! lol Have a nice walk and a delish breakfast!! Thanks for all the "goodies"!!

Darlene happy volunteering at the church!!

Soot glad the power is now working and hope it stays working!! Have a nice day of football watching!!

No plans here except to stay warm. lol

wave
Nan
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 02:38 PM

WooHooo Ana and Happy Anniversary!

Son has disappeared into his room. We will take the boys home 5ish.

Anyone else rooting for the Falcons?
Posted by: my10rugrats

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 02:59 PM

yes L4L falcons all the way.gotta root for them cause of tony gonzales
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 03:23 PM

They are doing great right now happydance It would be super to see them at the Super Bowl!
Posted by: my10rugrats

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 03:36 PM

yes it would. them c razy seahawks are catching up . so the falcons need to put a stop to that
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 04:08 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: my10rugrats

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 04:11 PM

there you go L4L they did it
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 04:45 PM

Hey everyone! It's a very hectic day in the corner so I am just stopping in to say hi. Hope you all are having a restful Sunday. hearts

Evelyne made it safely to Switzerland, she will be on tomorrow hopefully.
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 04:51 PM

Wow, that was a crazy ending!

Ana, thanks for letting us know about Evelyne.

Sorry it's hectic. It is hectic here too. I think I've heard "dad" or "daddy" 4,728 times.

Now we are watching the Texans and the Pats. I will have to cheer for the Pats in Midgie's honor!
Posted by: soot

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 05:13 PM

Go Falcons!! woot

wave

hearts L4L
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 06:09 PM

Thanks for the laughs Joe. lol
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 08:00 PM

Well I see everybody is enjoying a nice Sunday afternoon watching the football games. Hope your teams are winning!! I have to admit that I was watching a little too. lol

Space hope you enjoyed the weekend. We made it from +3 all the way to +11 and now it is dropping.

Ana thank you for the update on Evelyne. Been thinking about her today!

wave
Nan
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 08:23 PM

Nan, 11 eek

My AC is running sad

Boys are gone for a couple of days. I am soaking up the silence! :o)

Ok, off to bed to watch some Colombo. Sleep well all sleep
Posted by: 3dobermans

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 10:05 PM

Sorry to see the Seahawks lose. They always seem to flounder when the going gets tough.
Been watching a Star Trek movie marathon off and on.

Time to kick back in the recliner so wish all a restful night and a great Monday.
Posted by: Midge

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 10:08 PM

Thanks L4L for cheering the Pats. THEY WON! Ana Happy Anniversary to you and your hubby. Hope your day was wonderful. Joe birthday to your Mom.

I've been away all day from GB. I had a split shift today. Watched most of the Pats game while I was at work. Mike is a Pats fan. On to the playoffs. smile

Night all. I do have the morning off so I'll be back for tea.

Midgie hearts sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Sip N Surf Sunday - 01/13/13 11:44 PM

Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan