Tuesday Joe's

Posted by: gymcandy1

Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 12:55 AM

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.
George Moore
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Old Curse

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife.
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A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says,

"Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma "
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An engineer, an accountant, a chemist and a bureaucrat were bragging about how smart their dogs are.
The engineer called to his dog, "T-square, do your stuff". The dog took out paper and pen, and drew a circle, a squareand a triangle. Everyone agreed he was smart.
The accountant called, "Sliderule, do your stuff". The pooch went to the kitchen, got a dozen cookies and made four stacks of three. Everyone was impressed.
The chemist called, "Beaker, do your stuff." The dog went to the fridge for a quart of milk, got a ten ounce glass and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was great.
The bureaucrat called, "Coffee Break,do your stuff!". Coffee Break ate the cookies, drank the milk, chewed the paper, claimed he injured his mouth doing so, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, put in for workers' compensation and took extended sick leave.
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Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Nina's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother."
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a five-week vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching your retirement fund to 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?"

The young engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?"

The Mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made."

A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."

The confused girl returns to her mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?"

The Mother answers, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Are we ready for another one? Another cold one? Brrrrrr! shiver

The weather lady said that today will be the same as yesterday. I told her to kiss my ice.... winter

She gave me the cold shoulder. snicker

I'm not really here of course. I'm still in bed giving homage to John Lennon by giving peace a chance. sleep

I've gotta go to Walmart after I get up, and fill up a cart, and empty my wallet, then come back home, and fill my truck with stuff to take back to my new home.......again. razz

In the immortal words of Elvis, "That's crazy man." crazy

I've gotta go to bed. I'm starting to get a quiver in my upper lip.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


Elvis has left the diner. cool
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 03:02 AM

Good morning Joe and all smile
Joe,sorry for the cold weather,here we have
warm and sunny cool
May I ask why you move back to your mom`s
again? confused
Have all a nice day wave
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 04:14 AM

Good morning Joe,Haroula waveIt's not to bad here it's 40 and damp,at least we saw the sun yesterday rahHow about some nice hot coffee to wwarm you up Joe!Have a happy day all sherlock
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 04:44 AM

wave Good Morning Joe, Haroula, Cailyn and all my Diner buddies. Happy Day wiahed for everyone! wave
Posted by: Midge

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 07:31 AM

Good morning. Our weather is changing again. It was about 65 degrees yesterday. Today it'll be in the 30's. Go figure.

Work for 5:00 this afternoon. Just goofing off for a few. I'm getting spoiled. I love it. Have a great day everyone. Please don't forget to exercise.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: connie

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 07:39 AM

Good morning everyone. I think we are going to the mall today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Tuesday. Danish, Apple Turnovers. Oatmeal with Fruit, and assorted Omelets in the NC. penguin
Posted by: GBC

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 08:32 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, enjoy the day anyway.

Haroula, have a good day!

Cailyn, enjoy the warmer weather while you can.

Gerry, hope your day is good.

Midgie, Is snow expected in your area tomorrow too?

Connie, thanks for the Danish. Have a nice time at the Mll.

Off to walk the dogs while the weather is good. Snow tomorrow. Wishing everyone a wonderful day!
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 09:55 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! You make us laugh! kissy Hope the move (again) goes easy peasy!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Soooooooooo cold here in sunny SoCal!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: venus

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 10:37 AM

Hello and have a terrific Tuesday Joe, Haroula, Cailyn, Gerry, Midge, Connie, Gail, Darlene and all who come in after me. wave

I'm off today, but I have to go get my Emissions test for my car. Too bad I couldn't have gone on a warmer day, but that's the way my days off fall, unfortunately. lol

All right, have to run. Hope everyone here has a fantastic day! winter
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 11:54 AM

Terrific Tuesday ya'll wave

It's raining out there, and we'll take it. Need to get ground water built back up.

I'll be vacuuming and cooking the books today, followed by our Bible study tonight. Will have to come home and watch NCIS as it left us on quite a cliff hanger last week.

Other than that, I may do a lot of napping as I'm still waiting for the brain cells to register the fact that I'm vertical. wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 01:53 PM

Joe hope the transfer of goods from point A to point B goes well today!! It was only +5 when we went walking this morning. Ran some errands and now it is a nice 19 but with the wind feels cooler. Thanks for the chuckles!@!

Haroula enjoy the sun and the heat!! lol Have a lovely day!

Gerry and Cailyn have a lovely day and thanks for the coffee!!

Midge enjoy the quiet morning and may work be fun!!

Connie have fun at the mall. Is that for walking indoors??? Lots of people do that here at our mall. Thanks for the danish!

Gail have a nice walk with the dogs and I hope it's not too much snow tomorrow!! Glad you are better.

Darlene stay warm. Gee that sounds funny for CA. lol My brother use to tease me all the time when we were below freezing and he was laying on the beach out there. May work go smoothly today!

Oh venus I remember doing that when I lived in the Twin Cities. Good luck and have fun!

L4l enjoy the rain!! I know that every little bit helps. Have fun with the vacuuming and books inbetween naps!!

wave
Nan
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 03:30 PM

lol Joe. You crack me up.
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 04:44 PM

Hi everyone...I'm in the corner but thinking of you all. Hope you are enjoying your day!
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 07:37 PM

Hello everybody. wave

I had a day and I'm hoping that my night is a very long one, but I have a 3:30 wake up call, so I'm guessing that won't be the case. razz

I will work the next 3 days, and then I am off 5 days for getting moved. thumbsup

I have premiers for some of my favorite programs tonight, like Face Off which doesn't start untill 8:00, which is when I need to be in bed. Rats! smirk

It's a good thing I have DVR. bravo

Have a good evening everyone. thumbsup

joe
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 08:40 PM

Sweet dreams Joe, are you getting excited? yay
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 09:44 PM

wave

Home, fed, NCIS'd...

Nan, it's been crazy! The weather this last summer was one of our hottest, and this winter is one of our coldest! smirk

L4L, looking forward to the next NCIS, as well! Quite a grabber last week! eek

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!
Posted by: Midge

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/15/13 09:49 PM

Night all. Day off tomorrow. yay

Midge hearts
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Tuesday Joe's - 01/16/13 12:06 AM

Well Darlene I think the weather has been strange all over this year. Wonder what's up with that! duh Have a lovely evening.

Me I am getting ready to head for my pillow. Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams.

Joe sleep fast!

Ana hope things are going well in the corner.

sleep
Nan