Monday Mourning

Posted by: gymcandy1

Monday Mourning - 02/03/13 11:12 PM

Who knew that dog saliva can mend a broken heart?
Jennifer Neal, nakedjen

Is it Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples...

They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.

Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

An hourglass is female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying...

You're stuck between the Baby Boomers and Generations X'ers if...

1. You remember when Jordache jeans with a flat handle comb in the back pocket was cool.

2. In your class picture you were wearing an Izod shirt with the collar up.

3. You know by heart the words to any Weird Al Yankovic song (Just eat it, eat it, don't make me repeat it...)

4. You ever rang someone's doorbell and said "Landshark!"

5. Three words: ATARI, IntelliVision and Coleco, sound familiar.

6. You remember the premier of MTV, in fact, you remember the Friday Night Videos before the days of MTV.

7. A predominant color in your childhood photos is plaid.

8. While in high school, you and your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play Prince's "1999" until you passed out partying.

9. You remember when music that was labeled alternative, really was alternative. And when alternative comedy really was funny.

10. You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the minivan.

11 You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you.

12. You've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phrases: When I was younger...When I was your age...You know,back when...

13. Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language (Conjunction junction, what's your function....).

14. You ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna or Cyndi Lauper video.

15. The first time you ever kissed someone at a dance came during either "Crazy for You" or "Leather and Lace".

16. You remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the streets and made our old Big Wheel quite obsolete.

17. The phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter.

18. You honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON.

19. You had a crush on either Ted the photographer on The Love Boat, Gage from Emergency or Ponch the motorcycle cop from CHiPs.

20. Your hair at some point in time in the 80's became something which can only be described by the phrase, "I was experimenting."

21. You've shopped at a Benetton.

Dear Abby,

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them.

I try to stay awake and watch for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls."
When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.

It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my Taylor Made 460 driver.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the PGA Superstore?

Concerned Golfer

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Congratulations 49er fans! yay

You all got to bed early without any late partying. That means no hangovers this morning. thumbsup

For the Raven fans we'll tiptoe around, and whisper. snicker

Well, some of the 49er fans may not agree to that. duh

Can't blame 'em. wink

I don't work until 2:00 today, and then I'll probably walk around, and avoid doing any work at all for 7 hours.

Trying to avoid customers AND managers all day really takes it out of me. tired

It'll be a long day for sure. grin

Have a happy day everyone.

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/03/13 11:25 PM

Good morning Joe and thanks for the chuckles. I do remember all the things you mentioned. lol

It's snowing here and we are supposed to add a few inches toi the few inches we got the other day. yay It's finally winter.

I'll be running the dogs in the snow, they need to get out and then I'll be in the corner all day. I am hoping to go to Salsa Funk class but I am not sure. My toe is not well at all but I really need to get out.

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 02:09 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana and all who follow later wave
Hubby is doing the garden,me and jr.will
go to the playground,lovely day again happydance
Have all a great day flowers
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 04:08 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula waveAna sorry your toe isn't better heartsmy hand is still a little sore and it's been almost 2 weeks,I don't know things seem to take longer to heal the older you are woozyWe got a little snow here also winterCoffee is ready to warm any body ,have a terrific day everyone penguin
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 05:30 AM

Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe if you move fast enough no one will see you at work! monky Ana sounds like the doc should have a look at your toe. puppy Haroula how nice hubby is gardening for you. yes cailyn maybe you should have your hand check by the doctor. think Hope everyone has a peaceful Monday! smile wave
Posted by: venus

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 06:02 AM

Hello and goodbye. wave Have a great day, everyone. winter
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 06:17 AM

cat You to venus! cat
Posted by: connie

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 06:41 AM

Good morning everyone. Not sure what the day will bring yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish, Fruit Cups, Oatmeal, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. penguin
Posted by: GBC

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 06:42 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope your workday feels short.

Ana, enjoy running the dogs in the snow. Careful of the toe. I have one more treatment left next Monday. Can't wait. Then I'll have six weeks of radiation but I don't care cause I'll be done with treatments.

Haroula, have fun at the playground.

Cailyn, hoope your hand heals soon.

Gerry, have a nice day.

Venus, enjoy the day at work.

Connie, have a great day when you arrive.

A good day is wished for all. Have some Lab work this morning then nothing on the agenda for later. I think I may be in for a gaming afternoon.
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 10:00 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your morning before work is relaxing!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 10:55 AM

Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

I gave up on the game and went to bed last night when the 49er's came surging back. I'll have to go up and watch the ending on the dvr later.

We had waaaaaaaay too much fun and everyone had fun. Today I'll be doing something, just not sure what. I have a feeling it will be a little of this and a little of that and maybe a nap. Only time will tell.

Ana, I'm sorry your toe is being evil.

Gail, hugs!

Cooooffffeeee puppy
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 11:34 AM

Good morning boomies. May I ask you all to send some positive thoughts to my sis and BIL please and thank you. He lost his job this morning and with his daughters wedding in May and his son at Ohio State University this was an expensive year for him already. It was completely unexpected, he was their CFO for 15 years or more.

Haroula, I smile when I hear different our weather is. lol We got another few inches of snow overnight.

Sue, I hope your hand feels better soon. It does indeed take longer the older we get.

Gerry, if I thought it would make a difference I would go to the doctor immediately. It sadly is not my first time with the same baby toe. lol I hope your day is wonderful.

Venus, have a great day!

Connie, I hope today brings something fun. Are the boys back now?

Gail, I am so glad you are nearing the end of treatments. hearts I hope the next round is easier to take.

Darlene, I hope your weekend was fun!

L4L, you went to bed too early! It was a great SuperBowl, exciting to the end.

be back
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 12:51 PM

I did indeed Ana, but I have it DVR'd so I'll watch the last bit later. wave
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 12:57 PM

Oh dear, Ana! What a horrible thing to happen to your sis and BIL! 15 years and out the door, sigh. Prayers for all.

And in other Apartment news:

Heard loud, low pitched barking and growing which sounded like it was right out front of my house. Guess what? It was. To my horror, a HUGE pit bull, was tied to MY fence and was being very aggressive. I ran inside, called my neighbor guy, advised him of what was happening. In the meantime, I go back out and the Owner...I think, had come back and retrieved the dog (which had on a collar and was on a ROPE lead) and it was acting very docile now). I pointed and gestured and he seemed to be indicating it was his. So he walked the dog back one house over to the Apartments and tied him to the fence there. I guess it's potty time? Dunno, but this guy is NEW and has only been here less than 2 weeks and already trouble.

Pit bull isn't friendly unless the guy is holding him, and that flimsy rope (just a plain old sisal rope) won't hold him if my orange cat decides to cross the road right there as usual. I can see terrible things happening.

No idea why the apartment manager/owner would allow such a huge dog there, in a single room setting with a guy who looks either drugged up or drunk all the time. Danger to anyone walking by and if he ever is tied to MY fence again, I'll get involved.

Can't risk complaining right now, but if life and limb are involved, I'll do my civic duty. All I can see is that dog attacking someone walking by. He's tied close enough to reach the sidewalk! Loads of older people and kids and moms with babies walk there every day. Sigh.

And just when I thought things were calming down. duh
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 02:50 PM

Joe happy Thursday!! Hope it flies and goes well. Thanks for the laughs.

Ana just remember.......the short term sacrifice for the long term goal......a healed toe!!! lol Have fun in the snow. None here has fallen but tonight they say!

Haroula hope the playground was fun!! Have a lovely day! Nice of hubby!!

Cailyn, Gerry, Midge, venus, Connie have all a great day!

Gail HUGS!! Soon it wiil all be over and prayers continue!! hearts

Darlene may work go smoothly!

L4l have fun doing "something"!!! lol

Sorta I wonder about apartments and those "big" dogs all the time. Can't be fun for the dog with so little space.

Posted by: Midge

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 03:49 PM

Ana I'm so sorry about your sis and BIL. I'm sending prayers that he finds another job pronto. And I hope your toe feels better soon. Gail sending hugs and positive prayers that your last treatment is an easy one.

I need to get ready to go back to work now. Have a good rest of the day.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 03:59 PM

Did anybody else get snow today? winter
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 04:48 PM

Nope Quest, no snow for us. Grey and overcast but in the 50's.

Son and I are just back from a walk. Had to cut it a bit short as my back went crampity cramp! wave
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 05:42 PM

Empty house news!

Finallllly. The ding bat girl who kept saying that Hazmat would be there (this has been months) after she spilled some mercury while she was boxing up stuff, finally called and said Hazmat would be here today. They actually CAME!

The she called from across the street and asked if I had any bolt cutters or could my friend/tenant somehow break the lock on the gate (she couldn't open it). I'm assuming it's because the snake nasty guy changed it yet again. BUT since she said she had the keys to the house, I told her to just jump the stupid fence, open the door and then the Hazmat guys would believe she actually had the authority and access. Took me several stern, "jump the fence, unlock the door" until she finally did it. Dumb as dirt. The guys were just about to leave again.

But, happily, they donned booties and gloves and took some 'cases' into the house and came out about 1/2 hour later and put the cases into locked compartments, took off booties and gloves and bagged them and then had the gal do some paperwork then everyone left Hooray! That part of the convoluted scenario is over.

One less thing to worry about in Sorta's Neighborhood. Stay tuned for updates and don't forget...Film at 11.
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 06:21 PM

Good afternoon everyone! It's certainly been a day here. As much as I love working from home, it really is a pain at times. lol

My neighbor's caretaker who speaks no English at all, not one word came over and banged my door. I know that banging because she is the only one that does that when the lady she cares for falls down. It happens a few times a year. The woman is severely mentally handicapped and is about 6 feet tall and a minimum of 350 pounds. Her caretaker is about 4'10 and 100 pounds wet. lol She held the womans feet to the ground while I leaned against a wall and hooked my arms under her armpits and picked her up. I felt like the people who pick up cars while under an adrenaline rush. lol The caretaker just kept bowing saying Namaste over and over. Bless her heart.

Merlin is not feeling well and we spent a large amount of time outside together while he was ill. Peter also has a hurting tummy and went to work. I hope he makes he through his shift.

All I want to do is work.... grin
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 06:34 PM

Ahhhh Ana, I hope your crew is feeling better soonest. wave
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 08:47 PM

Originally Posted By: looney4labs
Nope Quest, no snow for us. Grey and overcast but in the 50's.

50's sounds like us looney....27 today and 23 tomorrow. cry
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 09:20 PM

Quest, I know. Daughter was saying it was cold! We are to be in the 60's and almost 70's later in the week with lows in the 40's.

Course, this summer when we are in the 90's and 100's with 75% humidity, the laugh will be on us. puppy
Posted by: Midge

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 09:49 PM

Night all. See you in the AM.

Midgie sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 11:47 PM

Space no snow here today but they are talking about some for tonight. We shall see.

Sorta thanks for the "update" lol

Wow I looked out the window about ten minutes ago and nothing, even though the radar said otherwise. Well it is now snowing and the cars are all covered. happydance If will warm up then.

Think I shall go and check my eyelids for holes. Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Mourning - 02/04/13 11:50 PM

We have about 5 inches of snow accumulated if anyone wants some. It's better than mud so I am not complaining.

Sweet dreams everyone, I will be heading to bed soon too....