Posted by: gymcandy1

Tuesday's - 02/05/13 12:54 AM

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
Sue Murphy

This is a compilation of some of the best out of office Automatic email replies...

I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail
to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

You are receiving this automatic notification, because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over
and over....)

Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

I've run away to join a different circus.

I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Steve.

The truths about life, that little children have learnt:

1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10. The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

The great truths about life, that adults have learnt:

1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2. Wrinkles don't hurt.
3. Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5. Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

Great truths about growing old:

1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5. It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6. Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

Great truths about the different stages of life:

1. You believe in Santa Claus.
2. You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3. You are Santa Claus.
4. You look like Santa Claus.

Great truths about success in life:

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

Legendary Proverbs

Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.

War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.

Crowded elevator smells different to midget.

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Welcome to the day after. bravo

It's a nude a and imal I've to in joey it. penguin


It's a new day, and I'm alive to enjoy it. wink

I just thought someone might need an interpreter. lol

I enjoy every day you know.

Especially if I don't die. bravo

What about you? duh

Have an enjoyable day everyone.

Posted by: Haroula

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 02:00 AM

Good morning boomers,have all a happy day happydance wave
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 03:48 AM

Good morning Joe,Haroula and all who follow me in waveBrrr It's cold at 22 degrees shiverI have a busy day today taking the car for an oil change,sticker,and power steering fluid needs to be changed.Mostly likely a costly day also smirkCoffee is ready a sunshiny day wished for all winter
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 05:13 AM

wave Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe keep smiling! grin Haroula enjoy the sunshine. yes Cailyn try and stay warm. shiver Wishing a peaceful day for all! wave
Posted by: venus

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 06:01 AM

Off for yet another work whoosh. Have a great Tuesday, everyone. wave winter
Posted by: GBC

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 07:05 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, glad you're enjoying a stay alive day!

Haroula, have a great day!

Cailyn, dress warm. Thanks for the coffee.

Gerry, happy day to you.

Venus, enjoy your day at work.

To all who enter I'm wishing a fantastic day!
Posted by: connie

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 07:57 AM

Good morning everyone. Ana, prayers your BIL finds a new job quickly. I hope all in your house are feeling better today. The boys are both back home now. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Tuesday. Danish, Apple Turnovers, Blueberry Muffins, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. penguin
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 09:56 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have an enjoyable day as well!!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: flutist

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 10:00 AM

Good morning Boomies.

The sun is shining and going up to 53. Dog walking day. Susie called last night and said she is off today, so we are going over there for dinner.

I hope everyone has a really great day today and that the weather is not bad in your area.

Gonna go play.

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 10:24 AM

Good morning boomies..I hope you all have a wonderful day and that it brings good things to each and every one. I started out with a little sleeping in and it feels great. Now time to get to work. Life is good....
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 11:56 AM

Joe ya made it!! After today.....time off!!! May work fly and go well. Thanks for the laughs.

Haroula enjoy the day!

Cailyn stay warm and have a nice day! Thanks for the coffee.

Gerry have a nice walk and a nice day!

venus may work fly! Happy working!!

Gail hope you are still feeling OK! HUGS! Have a lovely day!

Connie glad the boys are safely home but hope they have more work somewhere!! Thanks for the treats!

Darlene may work fly and all go smoothly!! Have a lovely day!

Bets enjoy the warm temps. Almost like summer. lol Enjoy dinner tonight at Susies!! Happy Gaming.

Ana we got about 4 inches of snow last night and today the sky is blue and the sun is shinning!! Already at a balmy 15 and no wind!! happydance Hope that the project is moving right along for ya!!

Was your run in the new snow yesterday fun?? I did an el-slippo this morning on some ice hid by all that nice snow. Had trouble getting up due to the size of the ice patch. Sassy just stood and stared at me wondering what I was doing when I had to crawl to find a clear spot. lol Have a lovely day!!

Took roomie to the dentist already and ran some errands. I get to go this afternoon!!

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 12:03 PM

Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

It's another grey but warm day here. We slept late late late. Skyman didn't do his 9 a.m alert.

I'm going to pretend it's Monday and stew some books. Then we will go to Bible Study later tonight. So a normal Tuesday for us.

Joe, loved loved the automatic email replies, though I'm pretty sure most of them would get your fired.

Haroula, you have a great day!

Cailyn, you aways bring sunshine into our lives.

Gerry, a peaceful day sounds perfectly wonderful.

Venus, Happy whooshing!

Gail, how ya doing?

Connie, how long will the boys be home this time? How are ya'll feeling?

Darlene, happy skooshing!

Bets, enjoy your walk and your dinner.

Ana, how is the toe?

Nan, are you ok?

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 12:13 PM

Joe, you always make me laugh first thing in the morning. rotfl

So far no huge pit bull sightings. Hoping he was just babysitting the dog for some gal my neighbor saw him walking off with later. I'll know soon. It's almost doggie walking, or tying up to fence time.

Overcast day here, no rain expected for a few days and my lawn is now knee deep in weeds from the last rain. Hoping my yard kid will stop by today or tomorrow to mow it. Crossing fingers he appears (never know when he's gonna be around).

Sister is in escrow on her (well, her daughter's new house she's buying for her). Worse news than I thought. Going well on the buying of the new and selling of the old (both foreclosures) but she's paying 200k for the new one. It's listed for 190 something and fair value is around 167. Don't know why she's paying so much. Still it's a good deal for what I see she's getting. I'm praying her daughter (who has been unemployed for a long time) gets a job and that the big investment doesn't backfire on my poor sis. Lovely huge new house, 5 bed, 3 bath, 3 car garage, gorgeous, all redone. Looks like a mansion. Almost 3000 square feet. Sigh.
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 12:29 PM

Good morning everybody. wave

I found out Monday that I have to go to Frisco Tx tomorrow, my day off, and attend a vendor fair. smirk

It has been coming up for a while, but was rescheduled once, and then I thought it was cancelled, but it was not. rolleyes

So I have to be in at 6:00am tomorrow, after closing tonight. shocked

I will then be off Thursday & Friday. woot

I'm going in at 12:00 today instead of 1:00 so I can get home earlier tonight.

I'll see you all then. yes

Have a great day. happydance

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 03:45 PM

Joe, that is not nice of them! I am sorry you need to get up so early and "work" on your day off. Do you get overtime for that?

Nan, I never went out yesterday. I am considering going in a little bit though because I am going stir crazy. I hope you are okay from your fall. hearts

L4L, I hope the books are simmering by now. grin I am hanging in there but getting frustrated with my toe. I have no patience to sit still. lol

Sorta, glad its a quiet day.
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 03:54 PM

The out of office replies were my favorites Joe. thanks
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 04:07 PM

Hi SpaceQ, are you feeling better?
Posted by: GBC

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 07:31 PM

woo Hoo! I was blessed with a new Grandaughter this afternoon! I'm feeling great and wondering how I can spoil her already. woot
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 08:00 PM

WooHoo Gail, and Congratulation! What is her name? Does she live close by?

I have spent the entire afternoon on hold with one bank or another today trying to chase down a $40.00 debit that I did not authorize. Finally, daughter called and when she asked what I was doing and I told her she almost wet herself laughing.

She said, "Mom, that's me! I called you and told you that somehow when I tried to take the money from my account, it came out of yours and I put it back in. Remember?" And sure as shoot, she had. Now, how that happened in the first place is quite mysterious as she has no authorizations on my account, but at least I'm not worried that I'll wake up tomorrow to find all our funds gone.

Now time to put my feet up and relax. My poor head is spinning and my nerves are shot!
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 08:02 PM

WooHoo Gail!! Congratulations!!!!! Happy Spoiling!!! lol

Space enjoy the evening.

Ana a little ache here and a little ache there but nothing broke. grin That look on Sassy's face.......priceless. I think she thought I was trying to play with her. lol

Have fun when ya go out but do be careful!! That poor toe needs some time to heal and the older we get the longer it takes, or at least it seems that way!

Aw Joe that stinks. At least you have two days off after that.

Sorta I though of you today on the way home from the dentist. There were all thes police cars on one block doing a drug bust. I watched them searching the car as I drove by. Only about three blocks from here. eek

L4l hope you had fun cooking the books and they are done now. I am fine just had a dentist appointment.

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 09:47 PM

WooHoo Gail! Congratulations grandma! hearts That is wonderful news.

L4L, that is too funny! Glad daughter called and you could get it figured out.

Nan, I took the dogs out late and it was nearing sunset and the only tracks in the snow anywhere in the woods were coyote. After awhile I decide to get out and walk the creek instead which had coyote tracks also but at least my field of vision is farther. The other animals seem to have gone in hibernation.
I am glad you are okay, I know that look from the dogs as well! rotfl

I just got back from grocery shopping and now it's back to work...
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Tuesday's - 02/05/13 11:57 PM

Well I am going to head for my kpillow before the temp drops. lol Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!