Thursday's Day Off

Posted by: gymcandy1

Thursday's Day Off - 02/06/13 10:26 PM

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
- Mork, Mork and Mindy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two anthropologists fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later one of them takes a canoe over to the other island to see how his colleague is doing. When he gets there, he finds the other anthropologist standing among a group of natives.

"Greetings! How is it going?" says the visiting anthropologist.

"Wonderful!" says the other, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"

He points at a palm tree and says, "what is that?"
The natives, in unison, say "Umbalo-gong!"
He then points at a rock and says, "and that?"
The natives again intone "Umbalo-gong!"

"You see!", says the beaming anthropologist, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!"

"That is truly amazing!" says the astonished visiting anthropologist, "On the other island, that same word means 'index finger'!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The linguist's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed.

He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised."

She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Those three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.

The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".

The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45"!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.
Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.
Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.
Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.
and, most importantly,
Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"

The student replied, "Here's an orange."

The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him `I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are one of three people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How would you react?

Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.

Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before.

Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.

Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.

Computer Scientist: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.

Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.

Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.

Psychoanalyst: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of.

Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.

Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.

Judge: after reminding them of their constitutional right to have a parachute, you take it and jump out.

Economist: your only rational and moral choice is to take the parachute, as the free market will take care of the other person.

Statistician: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.

IRS auditor: you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.

Manager: as you jump out with the parachute, you tell them to work hard and not expect handouts.

Consultant: you tell them not to worry, since it won't take you long to learn how to fix a plane.

Salesperson: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.

Advertiser: you strip-tease while singing that what they need is a neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99.

Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.

Teacher: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report on how well it worked.

English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.

Comparative Literature major: you read the parachute instructions in all four languages.

Dramatist: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.

Modern Painter: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.

Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

You don't have to read all the jokes today.

I may just change the title to TGIFday tonight and repost it. lol

Now why doesn't spell check like that word TGIFday? headscratch

Probably the same reason it doesn't like "everyboomie". Because it likes noboomie, or should I say it doesn't like anyboomie? snicker

I think it needs to consult Joester's Dictionary. razz

This is my Thurs Day off, and I've got a full day of vigorous non physical activity planned. woot

I hope I don't pull a gluteus maximuscle during said activities. cool

I'll have some Excedrin headache pills ready just in case. wink

I hope you all have a happius maxius day. penguin

Oh here we go again with the spell check. slapforehead

joe
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/06/13 10:45 PM

What no head hunting on your day off? Are you ill? lol Enjoy your quiet day my friend, you deserve it. hearts

I will hopefully get in a run with the dogs but we have rain forecast all day. It was originally snow and sleet but I guess it's warming up. Other than that, I'll be working. Hubby is off until Tuesday so I'll probably sleep in a bit. yay

Have a happy day everyone!

Gail, did you enjoy your visit?
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 02:24 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana and all wave
I hope you have a happy day happydance
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 03:59 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula and all who are still asleep sleepWe have a pretty big snowstorm headed our way,the last I heard they we're saying 24in. eek35 yrs,ago this week we had the Blizzard of 78,I hope that doesn't happen again!Coffee is ready have a great day everyone winter
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 05:14 AM

winter Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. We are also expecting a couple feet of snow tomorrow along with blizzard like conditions! Hope everyone enjoys today! winter
Posted by: SharonB

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 06:02 AM

A blizzard by gosh! winter Hope you make out okay Gerry and you too Sue.

Doctor's appt this afternoon. Yesterday I was so tired and breathless and my legs felt very heavy. Today I feel better and hope to accomplish some cleaning this morning.

Plan on getting fasting lab work tomorrow morning and then doing some extensive shopping on Saturday. Looking forward to shopping. happydance Dread the cold. shiver I've begun to daydream about moving south - South Carolina or Georgia to avoid the cold. think

Well... Everyone enjoy their Thursday and remember to game some. wave

Sharon zombie
Posted by: venus

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 06:20 AM

Hello and goodbye. wave
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 06:47 AM

wave Good Morning Sharon and venus. Sharon Good Luck at the docto. Venus hope it's a slow woosh day! Enjoy All! wave
Posted by: connie

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 07:05 AM

Good morning everyone. Nan, I hope they can find what is causing your Granddaughters seizures and correct it. Sharon, good luck with the Dr. visit. Hubby, is still under the weather. I'm starting to feel better. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Thursday. Danish, Sausage gravy with Biscuits, and French Toast in the NC. Biscuit bottoms for L4L. penguin
Posted by: GBC

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 07:22 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, enjoy your day off.

Ana, have a great day. I spent all afternoon visiting.

Haroula, happy day to you also.

Cailyn, I think we're in for a repeat of "78"

Gerry, are you all prpared for the storm?

Venus, enjoy work.

Sharon, hope your lab work is good.

Nan, hugs! hoope all will turn out well.

Connie, glad you're feeling better.

Well, according to the weather report we're in for a Blizzard starting tomorrow. winter winter scared
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 09:34 AM

Good morning everybody. wave

Ana it's gloomy and rainy here, so unless the sun comes out. duh

Actually I had plans to clean the yard up, but I can't do that either. Boo Hoo snicker

It's not could outside at all though. smile

I'm just gonna do some surfing and be think ummmmm... idea Lazy!!

What's on everybody else's menu today? happydance

I hope it a real nice day wherever ya are. yes

joe
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 09:57 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your full day of vigorous non physical activity is easy peasy! wink

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 10:57 AM

WoooHooo biscuit bottoms! happydance

Tis a good day to be inside. It's rainy drippy and grey. I'm planning a bit of this and a tad of that and some naps. puppy
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 10:59 AM

Joe enjoy the day off what ever you do or don't do. lol Thanks for the chuckles. Now remember.....I only read half. lol

Ana rain???? We have had nothing but snow, snow, snow sinced Tuesday night and it is still coming down. eek Course the storm is now in Michigan but we are having that nice "lake effect" snow now. Are you starting to see the light yet???

Haroula enjoy the day!

Cailyn, Gerry, Midge better stock up!!! It's not looking to promising for you. Maybe it will take a turn the other way. Be safe and prayers the power stays on!!

Gail sounds like you had a nice visit with new grandbaby!! Be safe in the storm!!!

Sharon glad you are feeling better today. Good luck with the doc visit!!

venus happy whoooooshng!!!

Connie have a lovely day!! Glad you are feeling better and prayers for hubby. May he better soonest!!

Darlene may work fly and all go smoothly!!

Thanks for all the well wishes for my granddaughter. She is still there but she said she has had some seizures so I hope that will help the docs.

Just found out that roomies brother has about one to six months. He had another heart attack and they did an angiogram which showed that he has only one artery in the heart that is open. All the eight stents are plugged again and they say there is nothing more they can do. sad sad

No plans today but to watch where I walk when out with Sassy. lol

wave
Nan

L4l sounds like some nice plans for the day. Especially the nap part. lol Enjoy!!
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 11:54 AM

Nan, I am so sorry to hear about roomie's brother. Can he get a second opinion? Prayers for all. hearts

We have sleet here and everything is icy but it's supposed to turn to rain shortly. It's a good day to finish writing. yay

be back
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 02:45 PM

It seems likie summer's here already -let's hope the warm weather stays now. I should take the PS out on the front porch in the sun.

That darn cat! It's Schemer, the one who got fixed yesterday. We came home, he rested about 1 hour, he drank some water, a few hours later he ate 3 cans of fancy feast which was about 7 PM and I haven't seen him since. And of course I'm so worried. He isn't in the road. However my other male cat Commander Buttons hasn't come in the house either but he was asleep in the yard near the picnic bench and now he's gone. I'll take girl cats any day as they come home more often. Here, my cats do have the best of 2 worlds -lotsa woods.

Tomato update: Wow, they look good. And growing -it's all this rain and sunshine and warmth.

Come on over, plenty of hot strong coffee. Happy Thursday all
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 02:56 PM

Thanks Ana!! I do believe he did. All his veins and arteries are very small and that is why the bypass didn't work and they had to use eight stents to open them up. The stents are now all plugged up and they can't be taken out and new ones put in. Once they are embedded they are there to stay. Too bad maybe they should have made them so they could be replaced. duh

I was just looking at the radar and I see all that green and yellow area by you!! Looks like lots of rain but makes it nice for working. Still lightly snowing here. We have more coming for the weekend. eek The moisture is needed though as the Great Lakes are kind of low and when low shipping isn't the best!

Well Yankee when he is hungry he will be home. lol Enjoy the nice weather and the fresh tomatoes!!

wave
Nan
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 03:20 PM

OY! shocked

I decided it was a perfect day to work out in the yard after second, third, & fourth thoughts. yes

I did a lot of thinking. grin

It was really nice out. We had a little sunshine, but it's still very cloudy, but no rain. yes

Anyway I've been cleaning up the front yard and now Ahm tard. tired

Mom will be back home soon I hope with some fried chicken. happydance

joe
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 03:44 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 03:46 PM

I can feel the weekend coming. Enjoy your evening everyone.
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 05:44 PM

Boys on the way over. Think I'll go hide in my bedroom. Not up for the noise and stress. wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 07:43 PM

Well granddaughter says that it is NOT epilepsy just something they call "ticks" What ever that is. headscratch

L4l hope the boys are quiet and healthy!! Space enjoy the evening.

Night Haroula sleep well.

Joe hope mom brought home the chicken!!

wave
Nan
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 08:26 PM

Nan, my youngest has tics also. Not much you can do, they just need to learn other ways to deal with stresses. Good luck to her. hearts
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 08:47 PM

Nan, maybe it will be temporary. When I was in college my left eye developed a tic for a quarter or so...then it went away.

Night all sleep
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 09:38 PM

Good night Boomers. sleep
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 10:31 PM

wave

Home, fed, NCIS'd.....

Off to see what's afoot!
Posted by: 3dobermans

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 10:57 PM

Evening; just been busy with all sorts of little odds and ends, mainly indoors. Afternoons been trying to get some pool practice in for the next tourney.
Off to watch a bit of tv then sleep.

May all get a restful nite.
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/07/13 11:33 PM

I am writing a WT for a never ending game. lol I was expecting to be done hours ago but I'll be lucky to be done tomorrow night. duh

Trippy, good to see you.
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/08/13 12:12 AM

Oh Ana that must be a good game then. lol Good luck with it.

Well I am going to head for my pillow and see if I can't dream of a nice warm beach somwhere without snow. lol

Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursday's Day Off - 02/08/13 01:18 AM

Nan, good for you, bad for me. lol

Sweet dreams...