Friday's Other Day Off

Posted by: gymcandy1

Friday's Other Day Off - 02/07/13 10:04 PM

A dog owns nothing, yet is seldom dissatisfied.
Irish Proverb

Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how...

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

As smart as bait.

Chimney's clogged.

Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

Doesn't know much, bot leads the league in nostril hair.

Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

Forgot to pay his brain bill.

Her sewing machine's out of thread.

His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

If he had another brain, it would be lonely.

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

No grain in the silo.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Receiver is off the hook.

He has less going on upstairs than a one story house.

Several nuts short of a full pouch.

Skylight leaks a little.

Slinky's kinked.

Surfing in Nebraska.

Too much yardage between the goal posts.

A few clowns short of a circus.

A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

A few beers short of a six-pack.

Dumber than a box of hair.

A few peas short of a casserole.

Doesn't have all his corn flakes in one box.

The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.

One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.

One taco short of a combination plate.

A few feathers short of a whole duck.

All foam, no beer.

The cheese slid off his cracker.

Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

The lights are on, but nobody's home.

24 cents short of a quarter.

A few bricks shy of a full load.

For those with no children - this is totally hysterical...

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control...

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest)...

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house, 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all Four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh" it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCRs do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

25. Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

Good morning everyboomie. wave

I will sleep so good tonight. My consciousness faded long before the daylight did. sleep

We had such a beautiful day after the early morning dreary start, and late afternoon brought sunshine, so Baby and I headed across the road to head hunt. rah

My behind is very sore from working in the yard, and squatting to pick up so many leaves, and old mulch, and then squatting to dig for arrowheads across the road. shocked

I only did the front yard today which is the easy side of the house. That leaves the back yard, which is a mountain of leaves, and twigs, and acorns. shocked

Something just occured to me. think No one ever sees the back yard so I should just leave it to nature.

That, however, is the wrong thought....naturally. rolleyes

My uncle is coming down to visit tomorrow, and I work Sat. & Sun., then I'm off again on Mon. and Tue. So...... think

Another thought occurs to me.

It stands to reason that I should leave the back yard till next year.

Have a happy day everyone.


Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/07/13 10:19 PM

Joe, consider it mulch and leave it to mother nature to clean up. It makes nice refuge for critters that need shelter too. Enjoy your day off.

I will be working but I will for sure be taking the dogs to run and play in the snow.

Hope you all in the path of the snow and ice stay safe! hearts

Ana wave
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 02:12 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana waveDon't know why I'm up so early,I should be sleeping sleepI won't be going any where today as they want everyone to stay off the roads,no school,public transportation stops at 3:00 this afternoon! I guess we're in for a Doozy of a Blizzard eekSo I will try to nap latern snow yet but a black sky,Coffee is on I'll keep it hot and fresh.Gail,Midge,Gerry hopeing we all don't lose power,enjoy your day everyone winter
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 02:33 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Sue and all who come in later wave
Hae all a great day happydance
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 04:22 AM

Good Morning Joe, Ana, Cailyn and Haroula. We are waiting for the snowstorm to start this morning. We have a blizzard warning for the whole state of Connecticut. One to two feet of snow is expected before it ends Saturday afternoon. High winds are expected to cause the power to go out. Hope everyone has a safe day! wave
Posted by: Midge

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 05:57 AM

Good morning. They're forecasting 2 feet or more on the South Shore. I have to work this morning. Hopefully I'll be back home before the snow storm gets bad. Wow we're in for a beaut. I hope everyone stays safe. Have a good day all.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: GBC

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 06:07 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, Enjoy your time off.

Ana, have fun with the dogs.

Cailyn, Midge, Gerry, wishing you all to say safe. Last I heard was a possible 30 inches and wind.

Guess it's going to be a stay-in day! Everything is closed in my town. Just hope the power stays on. winter
Posted by: venus

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 06:11 AM

Hello and goodbye. wave Have a great day, everyone. winter
Posted by: connie

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 07:13 AM

Good morning everyone. Prayers to all in the path of the storm. May you be safe and your power remain on. To all here and all who follow may your TGIF be a Good one. Danish, Cinnamon Rolls, Bacon Sandwiches, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. winter
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 10:02 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Enjoy your time off today!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Prayers for safety for all in the path of the storms! hearts

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 10:27 AM

Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

It's not a great day out there today, but it is a day, so let's make it a good one!

Son and Cully must be napping. I'll be interested to hear if the boys slept in their own room last night. Later son has a "field trip" with Per...they are going out to eat. The Cully will stay with me so drama will ensue, but will stop as soon as dad clears the door.

Joe, we leave our back yard to nature. I'd leave my front yard to nature too but hubby objects.

All Ya'll in the path of the storm stay safe and warm.

wave to everyone.
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 10:48 AM

Joe enjoy the kday off and have a nice visit with your uncle!! Thanks for the chuckles.

Ana is there light yet?? lol Have fun out with the dogs in the new snow. It is still snowing lightly here and they are talking a big storm for Sun-Mon. eek Hoping they are wrong.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn, Gerry, Gail, Midge stay safe in the storm!! Prayers that it isn't as bad as they think and that your power remains on!!

Connie have a lovely day and ,thanks for the treats!

venus happy whoooooshing!!

Darlene may all go smoothly today!!

L4l have fun Cully watching!!!

No plans till taxi time.

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 11:59 AM

My good friend and neighbor's 83rd birthday was yesterday. She's got more energy and drive than 2 of me! I gave her a set of those 'flameless candles' which I LOVE. Got them all over my house. Make great lights to just brighten a dark corner, look like real candles, smell like real candles, flicker like real candles and run on batteries which last a looooong time even when on 24/7. No more worrying about her starting a fire over there (she loves candles) when she falls asleep in her recliner watching TV.

I'm beginning to see the 'good' side of raccoons. The mom has been back about every 2 weeks for a 'snack' and now the babies are starting to appear to scarf up every bit of food in sight. Actually this is turning out good for me since the outdoorsie cats tend to leave some canned food on the plates (the possums eat some) and it gets dried out overnight and nobody wants it. BUT the raccoons gobble it up and lick the plates clean. Yup, it's a mixed blessing/curse with baby raccons, who are now almost ss big as mom! Only way to tell them apart is the babies have shorter tails.

Supposed to rain. Not seeing it. And I'm on the lookout for that 'killer cop' who is mad at the world and has killed 3 people (revenge for getting fired) and wounded others and is leading police everywhere on a merry chase. He's smart, he's playing games and he was HERE. Only a few miles away (about 3) and who knows where else. Scary scary. He's a decorated veteran, smart guy, feels he got a raw deal (might have ya never know) and now has gone off the deep end and is taking it out on the police, especially those directly connected to his firing AND their families. He killed the daughter of his Captain and her fiance and promises to kill others. It's crazy. Hope they find him soon. They are now looking in the town of Big Bear, CA where they found his burned out truck. I think he's still down here and that was a decoy. Yup. Detective Sorta on the job.
Posted by: niteowl07

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 11:59 AM

morning,everyone !

cold here ,but sunny.

prayers for all in the path of the snow ,please stay safe and warm.

not much packing left,but still have a couple of utilities to get switched over for the end of the month ,and a p.o. box to get . i'm tired lol

my person for the swap was in belgium,and my package went out mon. ,as did hers. so now we are waiting for our "goodies" to arrive. will keep you posted.

back when i can ,have a great day !
Posted by: flutist

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 01:09 PM

Just past Good Morning time. I missed it.

Been watching the weather channel. Good luck to all in the path of Nemo. Stay safe everyone. Midge, hope you get home before it starts. Boston is already getting snow.

We have a cold yucky day today. Really feels damp out. Last I looked it was 36 and cloudy. Good day to stay in and play. Still have one load of laundry to fold and put away. Need to do that soon.

Take care everyone and please stay safe.

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 01:09 PM

Sorta, that is sad. Stay safe!

Niteowl, hope you get something great and your move goes smoothly.

Cully is playing with Batman and Bane while watching Max and Ruby and being chased around by Skyman.
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 03:23 PM

Congratulations everyone we have made it to the weekend. happydance
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 04:06 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 04:17 PM

I am reluctantly getting ready and taking the taxi out. Then off to the fish fry! Have a lovely evening everybody!!

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 04:21 PM

Taking a break to run the dogs. yay It's so pretty out with all the snow but it's covering a layer of ice. I'll be walking cautiously. Then it's time to do one puzzle and then I am done. yay I saw the light Nan! lol

I hope you all are careful out in the snow.
Posted by: Midge

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 05:25 PM

Ana please be careful when you take your babies for a walk. You already have a sore toe. We're getting a huge snow storm. It's gonna continue all night. As a matter of fact the really serious part of it will happen through the night. I'm hoping my power stays on.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: Lotus777

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 06:09 PM

Hi Boomies! Been a long week here..first my washer quit and hubby could no longer coax it into action and he then told me the dryer was on it's way out too. So, the sweetie told me to order a new set. They are here and I broke them in yesterday with four loads. I Love them!! The dryer does steam drying and even has a sensor that knows when the clothes are dry and turns off the dryer. They are supposed to save on elec. in the long run too. In the middle of all this the water heater began a final leaking and he had to replace that also. Plus took my Mum to see her nurse practitioner as I was worried about her. She said everyone should have her vital sighs!! Saw my MIL today and we had a lovely visit. She still can't walk but this is expected in time. Everyone please be careful in the upcoming and ongoing weather. It is cold here too but not like....!! Sorta, you have sold me on the flameless candles, I thought I would like them but go through batteries so I was happy to hear that. Hope you can leave the corner soon, Ana. Glad you made it to the weekend, Space. Stay safe and warm everyone and Happy Gaming. wave
Posted by: thracia

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 06:44 PM

Hunkering down for the storm. Went to work today, took almost 3 hrs. to get home, usually 45 mins., luckily no accidents. Husband finally going to use the new snow blower we bought last year( that's why it never really snowed last winter, you can thank us).

Lotus, sorry about the bad news, but enjoy the new appliances.

Posted by: Midge

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 08:16 PM

I need to shut my computer down. Power flickering on and off. Stay safe everyone. See you in the morning. Hopefully my power will be on.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 08:31 PM

Ya'll be safe and warm. Back is screeching so I'm headed to bed. Sleep well all sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/08/13 10:18 PM

Taxi home and parked! Had a busy night.

Lotus what a week you have had. eek Glad you like the new washer and dryer, and hot water tank!!! Glad mom and mil are doing OK!!

Prayers for all that are in the storms path and may your power remain on!!! Be safe!!!

Ana glad you saw it!! lol Did ya make it out with the dogs??

Thracia be safe in the storm!!

Night Midge and L4l sleep well!!

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/09/13 12:12 AM

Nan, I sure did. It was beautiful out there but the branches are so heavy with snow that I was walking hunched over a lot to get through. How was the fish fry?

Midgie, thracia, Gail, Gerry, Sue I hope you all keep your power and stay safe in the storm!
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Friday's Other Day Off - 02/09/13 12:28 AM

Glad you made it out with the dogs for a run in the snow. Fish fry was a steady busy night.

I am tired out now though so I shall retire to my pillow right after I take Miss Sassy out one more time.

Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams.

Prayers the power stays on!!