Moon Day

Posted by: gymcandy1

Moon Day - 02/11/13 01:08 AM

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
Doug Larson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The Warning Signs of Insanity...


Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that you wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from.

You start out each morning with a 30-minute jog around the bathroom.

You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.

Every time you see a street sign, you have a tremendous urge to relieve yourself on it.

You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward of evil dandruff spirits.

You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbour for setting fire to his lawn decorations.

Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.

People stay away from you whenever they hear you howl.

Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing day.

Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you through that scuba mask.

You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge.

You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.

Your father pretends you don't exist, just to play along with your little illusion.

You collect dead windowsill flies.

Every time the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its wings!"

You like cats. Especially with mayo.

You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island because they weren't rescued.

You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.

You have a predominant fear of fabric softener.

Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons.

Melba toast excites you.

When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him because "the napkins have ears."

You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you.

You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease.

You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk.

You try to make a list of the Warning Signs of Insanity. (cough)

People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a violation of your rights as a boysenberry.

You keep thinking this is the year for the Red Sox.

You despise the voices in your head, especially the one that speaks only Hindi.

You see migrating flocks of ducks in the fall and only your attachment to the toaster keeps you from joining them.

The person you always talk to is invisible to everyone but you.

You like reading lists like this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


New Medications

Advances in science have lead to new medicines that make the lives of women around the world a little better...

Damitol
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to heck for up to 8 hours.

St. Mom's Wort
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

Empty Nestrogen
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

Peptobimbo
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

Dumerol
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.

Flipitor
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

Antiboyotics
When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

Menicillin
Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person... can we get naked now?"

Buyagra
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength Buy-One-all
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donny Osmond CD or a book by
Dr. Laura.

JackAsspirin
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

Antitalksident
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

Sexcedrin
More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.

Ragamat
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging at him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Fatal things to say if your wife is pregnant...

"I finished the Oreo's."

"Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."

"Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!"

"I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"

"Well, couldn't they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl."

"Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."

"Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."

"Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"

"I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"

"Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

"Get your *own* ice cream."

"Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."

"Got milk ?"

"Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."

"Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"

"Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water..."

"Your stomach sticks out almost as much as your behind!"

"You don't have the guts to pull that trigger..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning all you Boomers. wave

Wassup? smile

I have 2 days off and 13 1/2 things to do. slapforehead

Today is supposed to be 62 degrees and partly sunny. Tomorrow is going to be 47 and rainy.

I have a whole bunch yard work I need to do, which I won't be able to do if it's rainy. I have a trip to Texas to make for things such as new glasses, and the really important stuff such as underwear and socks, which I won't want to do if it's rainy. Then there's the overriding desire to hunt arrowheads for 2 days, which I won't be doing if it's rainy. smirk

As for the OTHER 10 1/2 things...... duh..I'm not a procrastinating juggernaut for no reason. cool

The real question of the day is, which 2 of the BIG 3 won't get done?.......... think hmmmm....That's a tough one. snicker

I've put off getting new glasses for 2 years. What's a nuther 2 weeks. wink

Have a happy day everybody.

joe

Posted by: Haroula

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 02:35 AM

Good morning boomers,have all a nice day wave
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 04:28 AM

wave Good Morning Joe and Haroula. Coffee is ready.Cailyn hope all is well with you. Have a nice day all! wave
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 05:31 AM

Good morning Joe,Haroula,Gerry waveLost power got it back on after midnight last night penguinWe've been trying to dig our way out crazymust get to a store today!Gerry thanks for the coffee,enjoy your day everyone winter
Posted by: venus

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 06:12 AM

Well, I'm off for another work whoosh. wave Have a terrific day, everyone. winter
Posted by: SharonB

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 07:44 AM

Good morning Boomers! wave

Another exciting Dr. appt for me today. Hoping for a good report, scared they'll tell me I have to go back into hospital. Let's keep our fingers crossed... sad

It's another rainy day, but not quite as cold.
Sorry to hear you're still digging out Cailyn.

How are all our pets doing out there? My cat's doing okay. A little annoyed with me because for 2 straight days I forgot to give her canned food. And also when Brielle was here I wouldn't let her play with those tantalizing wiggling feet... lol

Have a good day! shiver
Posted by: GBC

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 08:54 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope the rain holds off so you can get some head hunting in.

Haroula, have a great day.

Cailyn, so glad your power is back.

Gerry, have a good one.

Venus hello

Sharon, a good report is wished for you. Storm we had here got my animals frantic but all is well now.

Ana, have a good day when you come in.

Wishing everyone a fantastic Monday. Last treatment for me today. YAY! Going to come home and wait for my hair to grow back. rotfl
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 10:24 AM

Joe, I hope you can get some fun stuff in those days off. Careful in your travels!

Haroula, have a great day!

Gerry, hope you are all dug out now.

Sue, happy to see you are okay and I hope you had a generator for at least the heat. Be careful heading out to the store.

Venus, hope work goes by fast.

Sharon, good luck at the docs! Let us know how it went. Give the kitty a can before you go. catrub

Gail, prayers that you will get through this last round without feeling ill. I hope your hairs grow back fast. hearts
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 11:36 AM

Well so much for a post. Just got a call and must run! Have a wonderful day all. Be back!!

wave
Nan
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 11:55 AM

Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Son woke me as had to run out the door to get to son's field trip which was supposed to be last Friday but was rescheduled to Monday. Then he called and said the time had been switched. So, I'm home with Mr C.

It is yuk and raining here, so I'm going to sip and surf as I can.

luck Sharon! wave
Posted by: Lotus777

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 12:36 PM

Good Morning Boomers!! Cool here and partly cloudy but certainly not as cold as it has been. Hubby's roofer friend is here to start on his shop roof, yay!!! I love my new washer and dryer!! They are all I had hoped for and more, lol! Hope things go great for you SharonB and you too Gail!! You are so brave. I would give you some of my hair if I could!!! Just a little housework today and some gaming!! MIL is slowly doing better but so far to go yet!!! My own Mum is hanging in there. Her memory lapses more and more...so hard to see this. Hope you get out of the corner today Ana!!! Happy Gaming everyone!! wave
Posted by: SharonB

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 01:14 PM

Thanks for your well wishes. smile It worked! My doctor says I'm healing well, no infection but some irritation because I can't leave the scabs alone. He repeats his admonition that I must stay away from my cat or any other animal. So I'm doing good!

Gail I'm so glad this is the last treatment and I have faith that your hair will return quickly.

Lotus, I envy you your new washer and dryer. Saying a prayer for your mom and MIL.

Looney, thanks for the good luck wish. It worked! It's rainy here too, but it feels colder inside than outside. I'm going to Walmart tomorrow to buy a space heater. I've been freezing here (I have a very low tolerance for cold and a very high tolerance for heat) but can't afford to turn the heat up too high.

Ana, she's had dry food and kitty treats but that'a just not going to cut it when you want gravy! laugh
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 02:11 PM

I went to bed at 6 PM last night and woke up at 8 AM this morning -Wow- it ought to be a sterling gameing day, all that sleep.

That new cat, Schemer, -oh General Schemer- he can eat. This morning 4 cans of Fancy Feast and 1/4 can Mighty Dog. That's more than I've had today. I'll have to cut back on something else just to keep him fed. I have a Commander Buttons and a General Schemer now, the rest of us, all girls, will be well protected now.

Cold rainey and dark day. Good gaming and movie watching day. When I ate meat these were pot roast days -oh how good the kitchen smelled.

Happy snow day,are the schools closed
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 03:22 PM

Good afternoon Boomers. I'm so glad that Monday is out of the way. eek
Posted by: Midge

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 04:08 PM

Hi guys. Well, it was slip and slide this morning on my way to work. Coming home earlier it was pouring rain. I have to go back to work shortly so I'll just say have a great rest of the day. I need to take my umbrella with me. Two days ago we had 2 1/2 feet of snow and couldn't get out the door. Ahhh New England weather. Can't beat it.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 04:11 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 04:41 PM

Off to the unknown regions of our living room to restack books and try to find 2 that Soot probably stuffed somewhere. lol wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 05:51 PM

Well, I am back. We lost power after I posted this morning and we finally got it back. Hubby, Peter and I went to the club to work out, lounge in the sauna, hot tub and steam room and play a little basketball. It was a great way to spend the day.

I hope you all are enjoying your day.
Posted by: Midge

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 08:47 PM

Oh Ana that sounds like a great way to spend time with your family. I worked tonight. The drive over was harrowing to say the least. I got detoured a couple of times because the guys were working on power lines. Not a fun time. On the way home we got pea soup fog by Mother Nature and I got detoured a couple more times before I arrived home.Now I'm just having a bite of cheese and a glass of chablis blanc. Delish. Hey MaG wave Haven't seen you in the diner in awhile. Hugs My Dear.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 08:53 PM

Ana, how fun!

Midgy, sleep well sleep
Posted by: MaG

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 09:00 PM

kissy Midge and all diner sweeties.
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 09:05 PM

Hello everybody. wave

I started to check in and post hours ago, but I was so tired I couldn't stay awake. I still am. tired

I stayed up past 2:00 last night and got up at 7:30.

My body is trying to tell me something here. headscratch

Maybe that I'm not a kid anymore? pacify

Well I decided to go to Texas this morning. I spent very valuable day off hours in a Dr office getting my eyes examined, and then ordering new glasses. bravo

Can't wait to get them, now that I've already waited a couple of years. lol

After that I went and bought some new shoes. They cost about 2 1/2 times as much as I normally spend on shoes, so they had better feel pretty darn good.

After I got back home I did get in a couple of hours of digging. thumbsup

Nothing to show for it but blisters. thumbsdown

I hope everyone had a great day.

joe
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Moon Day - 02/11/13 09:23 PM

Good night Boomers.
Posted by: Lotus777

Re: Moon Day - 02/12/13 12:24 AM

Nice to see you MaG!! waveGood Night Everyone. sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Moon Day - 02/12/13 12:41 AM

Well I finally am able to make irt back. I got "kidnapped" and rushed off to the casino for my birthday!!! lol Fun!

Hope that all is well with everybody today!

Gail hope your last treatment went well. HUGS!! When the hair comes back it just might be thicker then it was before.

Sharon glad your doc appointment went well today!!

Midge glad that your travels today have found you safely home now.

Ana are you out of the corner yet?? Sounds like a good thing for passing the time when the power was out.

Well I am heading for bed. Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams.

sleep
Nan
Posted by: niteowl07

Re: Moon Day - 02/12/13 12:45 AM

hi mag wave

hope you all a had with some good things in it.

melodee and i are going to hit the hay, pleasant dreams to you all !

catrub sleep