Posted By: gymcandy1
Re: Tuesday's - 02/12/13 06:05 AM
Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Susan Ertz, Anger in the Sky
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Marriage Secrets
My wife and I have the secrets to making a marriage last...
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida, mine is in NY.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!", so I bought her an electric chair.
My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. When I asked where the car was, she told me "In the lake."
My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off...
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Makes You Go Hmmm
Some things that make you go hmmm....
1. Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?
2. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
3. Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
4. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
5. How do a fool and his money GET together?
6. Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?
7. How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?
8. If a train station is where the train stops, what is a workstation?
9. If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
10. If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
11. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
12. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
13. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
14. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?
15. Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?
16. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
17. If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
18. What are Preparation A through Preparation G?
19. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
20. Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?
21. How come there aren't B batteries?
22. If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail at 1000's of times per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a bike to deliver?
23. How do "Do not walk on the grass" signs get there?
24. Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?
25. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
26. How is it possible to have a civil war?
27. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
28. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
29. If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
30. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
31. If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
32. Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?
33. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
34. How do you know that honesty is the best policy until you have tried some of the others?
35. How do you throw away a garbage can?
36. How does a thermos know if the drink should be hot or cold?
37. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
38. Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
39. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
40. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
41. What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
42. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
43. Why do hot dogs come 10 to a package and hot dog buns only 8?
44. Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?
45. Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
46. Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
47. Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?
48. What if the Hokey Pokey IS what its all about?
49. When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
50. What happened to the first 6 "ups"?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
I am the ghost of diners past. Oooooo
Actually that ghost died.
A strong Oklahoma wind blew him away like a puff of smoke.
That means no Ghost Toasties for breakfast in the diner, sorry.
Ok with me. Those things always haunt me after I eat them anyway.
I'd better turn in before hunger pains start to haunt me.
Eating late at night will ruin my girlish figure.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Susan Ertz, Anger in the Sky
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Marriage Secrets
My wife and I have the secrets to making a marriage last...
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida, mine is in NY.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!", so I bought her an electric chair.
My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. When I asked where the car was, she told me "In the lake."
My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off...
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Makes You Go Hmmm
Some things that make you go hmmm....
1. Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?
2. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
3. Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
4. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
5. How do a fool and his money GET together?
6. Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?
7. How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?
8. If a train station is where the train stops, what is a workstation?
9. If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
10. If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
11. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
12. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
13. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
14. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?
15. Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?
16. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
17. If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
18. What are Preparation A through Preparation G?
19. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
20. Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?
21. How come there aren't B batteries?
22. If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail at 1000's of times per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a bike to deliver?
23. How do "Do not walk on the grass" signs get there?
24. Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?
25. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
26. How is it possible to have a civil war?
27. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
28. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
29. If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
30. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
31. If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
32. Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?
33. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
34. How do you know that honesty is the best policy until you have tried some of the others?
35. How do you throw away a garbage can?
36. How does a thermos know if the drink should be hot or cold?
37. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
38. Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
39. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
40. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
41. What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
42. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
43. Why do hot dogs come 10 to a package and hot dog buns only 8?
44. Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?
45. Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
46. Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
47. Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?
48. What if the Hokey Pokey IS what its all about?
49. When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
50. What happened to the first 6 "ups"?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
I am the ghost of diners past. Oooooo
Actually that ghost died.
A strong Oklahoma wind blew him away like a puff of smoke.
That means no Ghost Toasties for breakfast in the diner, sorry.
Ok with me. Those things always haunt me after I eat them anyway.
I'd better turn in before hunger pains start to haunt me.
Eating late at night will ruin my girlish figure.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
So I'll put the coffee on and keep it fresh!Have a great day everyone 
Have a great day, Joe.
Hope you are able to, soon!
In between I spent the day cooking to stock the freezer again. I love having a very productive day.