Hump Day

Posted by: gymcandy1

Hump Day - 02/12/13 08:14 PM

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
Edgar Bergen (1903 - 1978), (Charlie McCarthy)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marriage Is...
A best man's speech should be like a mini-skirt: short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover the bare essentials.

A classified ad which read "Wife Wanted" received hundreds of responses, all from men saying "You can have mine."

A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.

A husband expects his wife to be perfect... and to understand why he's not.

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.

A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.

A son asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son. I'm still paying for it."

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A toast to the newlyweds: May your only ups and downs be between the sheets.

A wedding ring is like a tourniquet; it cuts off your circulation.

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." The friend asked, "And what was he before you married him?" The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire."

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy.

As she hears the wedding march, three things are foremost in a bride's mind: aisle, altar, hymn. [I'll alter him!]

Bachelor: A guy who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.

Confucius say man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married... and then it was too late.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

I was engaged myself once, to a contortionist. But she broke it off.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay full attention to what you have to say, talk in your sleep.

If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?

In marriage, the bride gets a shower; but for the groom, it's curtains!

It doesn't matter how often a husband changes his job; he still ends up with the same boss.

It's a give-and-take marriage. He gives and she takes.

Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.

Man is incomplete until he is married. After that he is finished.

Man: Rules the roost. Woman: Rules the rooster.

Marriage is a great institution; but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Marriage is an institution in which the man loses his Bachelor's degree and the woman gets her Master's.

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo....

Marriage is grand... and divorce is about 10 grand.

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

Marry not a tennis player, for love means nothing to them.

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, and so made sure that she would stay, in better spirits night and day.

My wife ran off with my best friend last week. Gosh, I miss him!

My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.

My wife's cooking is so bad that we pray after we eat.

She offered her honor, he honored her offer, and all night he was on her and off her.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

Some mornings I wake up grouchy... and some mornings I just let her sleep.

Thanks preacher for allowing me to have 16 wives: 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better, 4 worse!

The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband bein' big enough to keep his mouth shut, to step back and see where his wife is wrong.

The three stages of sex in marriage: tri-weekly; try-weekly; try-weakly

They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

Why did the polygamist cross the aisle? To get to the other bride.

Wife says, "Honey, I've had enough of worse; let's try better for a while!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Another 2 days off are behind me. Now I have three 5 0'clockers coming before my weekend off. yay

Today I'll find out how much the new shoes work, or stink. razz

I've been wearing them for a couple of hours and they don't feel great. rolleyes

I may be walking on my hands when I get off.

It's real hard for me to step that high though. zombie

I'm not THAT limber. snicker

I am pretty tired though. tired

Have a happy day everyone. happydance

joe
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Hump Day - 02/12/13 09:22 PM

Have a great wednesday Joe. smile
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 02/12/13 10:25 PM

Good morning Joe. I hope your shoes feel like you are floating on a cloud all day. hearts

SpaceQ, happy hump day!

I have a vet appt to get the dogs nails trimmed and
then I will run them a bit. The rest of the day should be back in the corner.

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 02:30 AM

Good morning Joe,SQF,Ana and all who come later in.
Have all a great day wave
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 04:45 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Space,Haroula waveHaving computer problems haven't been able to play any games from BF frown Don't know what's going on but one of thier Techs is helping me.Coffee is ready have a sunshiny day everyone puppy
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 05:26 AM

Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe hope those shoes soften up! SpaceQ enjoy your day. Ana hope it's a quiet one for you. Haroula may the sun shine on your day. Cailyn so nice to have you back in the Diner. Hope you get your computer problem resolved! Happy Day wished for all! wave
Posted by: GBC

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 05:58 AM

Good morning Boomers

Joe, hope your shoes turn out comfortable this morning.

Ana, hope the dogs get a good mail cutting today. Do they mind going? My dogs hate walking through the Vet's door.

Cailyn, hope your computer starts working better.

Spoace, good moirning to you.

Haroula, how is your weather?

Gerry, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

Heather has a routine yearly checkup with the Vet this morning. Then I think it's going to be a gaming afternoon for me. Been busy lately now it's time to play! penguin
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 06:11 AM

Good Morning GBC. Hope the vet visit goes well! Have a great day! wave
Posted by: connie

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 07:09 AM

Good morning everyone. Not sure what's on the agenda for the day yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Super Hump day. Danish, Blueberry Pancakes, Omelets, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. penguin
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 09:08 AM

Funny morning. Up earlier than usual -at 5:45AM- and of course 4 cats snowstormed on me, feedmefeedme! now! and I did. Schemer, who picks on Buttercup was sitting in a kitchen corner just cleaning his whiskers and face like cats do and here comes Buttercup, full speed, and wallops him with a sucker punch like you've never seen - he didn't see it comming- and she gallops down the hall to her bedroom sanctuary. The look on Schemer's face. Considering that early morning event, I can't be grouchy for today.

I've hit Schemer with the English riding crop because he was making B'Cups life unpleasant. Now all I have to do is show it to him.

Going to be 31 tonight that's cold and must take in the tomatos.

One of my daughters and family from Tulsa spend February in south Texas and this year they are in Bourne where there is a wildlife sanctuary. They volunter there. I hope the weather warms up for them.

Anyway happy Wednesday all
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 09:54 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your next 3 days go easy peasy!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 11:26 AM

Joe only two after today!! Hope they fly. May those shoes feel great! You need to find the guy who sold me mine. I went in the store and told him what I wanted. He got a pair of shoes and put them on me and told me to go walk around the mall for an hour and then come back. Well I went back earlier and got them. Best shoes I have had. Good luck and Xthanks for the laughs.

Space have a lovely day!

Ana I just cut Sassy's and not too often cause they either don't grow fast or she walks too much. lol Have a lovely walk with the dogs and may the corner be kind. hearts

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn glad you slept in a littld today! Have a lovely day and I hope that BF can get the games running.

Gerry hows the snow?? Have a nice walk and a lovely day!

Gail good luck at the Vet!! Happy Gaming!!! grin Hope you are feeling well! HUGS!

Connie have fun what ever pops up!! Thanks for the danish!

Yankee low of 31???? That's our high for the day. lol Well actually 34 but close enough. Too funny about the cats. lol

Darlene may all go smoothly today!!

No plans till taxi time, it it runs. I feel like I should go back to bed but then I have felt that way for almost a week. I keep refusing it but it just won't leave. Head plugged, tired, chest congestion and that is bad when I fall asleep in the middle of playing a game. lol

wave
Nan
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 11:50 AM

Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Still grey and overcast and rainy here but not cold. I'm going to have a nice quiet day...yeah, right! rotfl

wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 01:10 PM

Well, I have lost my internet for half the morning. It's up, it's down.

I took the dogs for their trim, no more clickety click on the hardwood floors. I always did my own until these dogs. Merlin screams like a teenage girl at a Bieber concert when he sees the clippers and Shadow has pitch black nails and I am scared. I wish I could save the expense but it's not happening.

We had to go to three places to run today to find one that wasn't a skating rink. I'll show you the pictures later of the "best place". I am thankful the dogs and I made it home safely. lol

I invited son out to lunch at Tilted Kilt so as soon as he gets dressed we are heading out.

Hope you all are enjoying your day!
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 03:18 PM

Ana, have you thought about using a dremel? We use the grinder part on the dogs nails, a tiny bit at a time.

So far so good. Quietness reigns! happydance
Posted by: niteowl07

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 03:45 PM

rotfl Ana , what a way with words ! your description of merlin made me spew coffee all over everything rotfl i can envision it ,as my big shepard years ago would do that -too funny.

joe ,hope the shoes work out.

nan - you described exactly what i've been feeling for the past week. wonder what's up.....

everyone ,stay well ,and warm ,and may your day be a good one ! see you later. wave
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 06:37 PM

Hello everybody. I'm home, cleaned up and fed. Sitting here waiting for my Baby to get home from her "procedure". happydance

Sister took her to the vet this morning and they are on their way home now. bravo

I had a great day. Shoes were better than expected. woot

Feet are still killing me. duh lol

I've gotta get tomorrow's started so I can get to bed on time.

Have a great night everybody. urock

joe
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 07:06 PM

I am glad you were able to get Baby fixed and that she is doing well. hearts I'm happy to hear that your shoes did better than you expected.

This was the "best" of three parks to run the dogs today. rotfl
Here is a picture of our parks.

Ice skating anyone?
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 07:20 PM

Eek, Ana puppy

Joe, what kind of shoes?
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 08:35 PM

lol Ana do you have cleets for your shoes??? We made it to 38 today and the snow is melting away!!! happydance Hope the net stays working.

L4l enjoy the peace and quiet!!

niteowl hope you are feeling better soonest. It's OK if life is a fog ever once in awhile, isn't it??

Joe glad Baby is on her way home. That was nice of your sister to do for you. Hump day tomorrow!! Yea!!!

Taxi ran. I told them they were lucky I woke up when I did or they might not have made it there. lol I think I slept away the day. Took them out since I knew it would only be for a couple hours as some work in the morning.

wave
Nan
Posted by: Midge

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 08:55 PM

Hello from he South Shore. I had today off. What a great day. First I had a chiropractic appointment, then I had a PT appointment, then home and total relaxed for awhile. Did some jobs around the apartment.

So mow I'm headed for bed kinda early. I hope you all had a good day. Joe I'm sorry your feet still hurt.

Midgie sleep
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 09:15 PM

Nan, no cleats for me or the dogs. Not even the taller grassy areas were good because the ice was still between the blades of grass. We walked a bit short of a mile but it felt like three. lol We were in the 40's but this is the result of 6 inches of snow melting and then freezing. My back yard is just as bad.
Wasn't this your turn to have them drive you? They still a owe you a birthday bash, right?

Midgie, you had a full day! Sleep well, glad you got caught up on some things.
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Hump Day - 02/13/13 09:27 PM

wave

Home, fed, NCIS'd...

Hubby with clients. House is mine! smile

Off to see what's afoot!
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 02/14/13 12:17 AM

Friday Ana!!! I took the night off from fish fry and my neice will drive! lol

Well time to head for bed. Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan