Posted by: gymcandy1

TGIF - 02/21/13 07:35 PM

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

Stuck On The Island

An ambitious yuppie finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life... until the boat sank! The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies... Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief he asks her: "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."

"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the island; the oars were whittled from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But-but, that's impossible," stutters the man. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place, " she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb-struck.

"It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?"

"No thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.

After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened onto its end, inside of a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he muses.

"What next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines and a shell necklace-strategically positioned-and smelling faintly of gardenias.

She beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. I've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right about now, something you've been longing for all these months? You know... " She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. His heart begins to pound. He's truly in luck: "You mean...", he gasps, "...I can actually check my e-mail from here??"

Rough Day Ahead
Signs you can tell it will be a rough day ahead...

You wake up face down on the pavement.

You put your bra on backward and it fits better.

You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.

You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party last night, and there aren't any.

You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.

Your twin sister forgot your birthday.

You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.

Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the interstate.

Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.

Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

You wake up and your braces are locked together.

You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.

Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.

Your income tax check bounces.

You put both contacts lenses in the same eye.

Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill," and your name is George.

You send this to all your lists and put the wrong disclaimers on it!

Rejected Cereals

Cereal companies have been working hard to come up with new exciting breakfast cereals we can all shove down our pie holes in the morning, here are some of their less successful concepts that got rejected...

Toxic Waste Puffs


Kevorkian Krispies

Honeymoon Nuts

Chernobyl Charms


Cap'n Crack

Kellogg's Ganja Puffs

Lucky Tabs O' Acid

Colostomy Crunch

Phil Graham Crackers

Fruit & Fabio

Look Again -- Them Ain't Raisins

Post-Modern Toasties and Rococo Puffs

Limbaugh Logs

Kellogg's "None of Your Dang Business"

Special AK47


Nut 'N' B--ch

CaCa Puffs

Good morning everyboomie. wave

It's the one we've been waiting for. penguin

Well when I say "we've" I don't mean we, as in "me too". duh

I'm not looking for Friday. I'm looking for Saturday. razz

Friday is in my way of getting to Saturday. rolleyes

Actually Friday & Saturday are in my way of getting to Sunday. duh

I wish I knew how to get through them sooner, but I can tell you with certainty that sitting in your car and laying on the horn will NOT work. Don't even try. shame

When you're desperate you'll try just about anything.

It won't work though, and it annoys the heck out of other inhabitants of this dwelling.

You know, since I found out about that, I do it just for the fun of it now. evil

Have a happy day everybody.


Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 02/21/13 08:15 PM

lol If anyone dares to come to my house and hit the horn to get someone in my houses's attention they are met with the wrath of a crazed woman and a lecture. It never happens again. grin

Any plans for the weekend, Joe?

I hope today is a really long day because I have a lot to do. I wish you all a happy Friday!

Ana wave
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: TGIF - 02/21/13 09:45 PM

Have a great Friday Joe and Ana. thumbsup
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 12:59 AM

Your weekend is almost here SpaceQ! yay
It's snowing here, I'll try not to get it your way.
Posted by: Haroula

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 02:28 AM

Have a great Friday Joe,Ana,SQF and all wave
Posted by: cailyn

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 04:06 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Space,Haroula waveWe are suppose to get more snow on Sat.right thru to Sun eekWhere is Spring???Coffee is on I'll keep it hot,my new comp.didn't fix the problem with BF frown so I still can't play any games but Win8 is very nice and different,it will take some time getting used to it,Happy Friday everyone winter
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 05:40 AM

Good Morning Joe, Ana, SpaceQ, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe keep smiling. grin Ana if you go slowly the day will seem longer. happydance SpaceQ enjoy your Friday. wave Haroula what are you up to today? smile Cailyn I hope you get your Big Fish connection working soon. sherlock Have a wonderful day everyone! wave
Posted by: Midge

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 06:02 AM

Good morning. Today I have a split shift and the weather is gonna cooperate. It's the weekend I'm not sure of. I'll have to wait and see. Even the forecasters are having a hard time telling us what's gonna happen.

Morning Joe, Ana kissy, SQFan, Haroula, Sue, Gerry, Gail when you come in, and all who follow me in the diner. I hope you all have a great Friday. Please don't forget to eercise. smile

Midgie hearts
Posted by: venus

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 06:17 AM

Hello and goodbye. wave
Posted by: GBC

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 07:03 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a wonderful day!

Ana, hope you accomplish all you need to get done today.

Space, how are you?

Haroula, good day to you.

Cailyn, ah, still no BF? Did you try contacting BF support? There must be a resonable explanation since you have a new computer and still not able to play games.

Gerry, have a great day!

Midgie, hope it's not too much snow. I'm tired of winter.

Venus, have a good work day.

Connie, wishing you a happy day when you come in.

To all.....good day! Got to get houswork done today. Been slacking off since there's school vacation all week. May take a trip to the Mall later. Snow storm due tonight into Sunday.
Posted by: connie

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 08:14 AM

Good morning everyone. Not sure what's on the agenda for the day. I'll try to send some of our warm air to those in need. It thinkss it's summer here now. Erlier in the week it was feezing. To all here and all who follow, have a Super TGIF. Danish, French Toast, Bacon Sandwiches, and Hot Chcolate in the NC. penguin
Posted by: Darlene

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 10:03 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a happy TGIF!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: flutist

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 11:05 AM

Good morning to all.

We ended up with 3 1/2 inches of snow. Today, it is supposed to get in to the 30's. Bill cleaned off pathways to the bird feeders and our front walkway. I have a load of laundry in the washer and one in the dryer. Two more loads to go. Will do a little housecleaning today as we have friends coming over for dinner tomorrow night. At least our roads will be clear. Kirkwood does a great job.

Susie said it took her and Vince an hour to get home. They had not touched highway 44. Vince will take her in for her biopsy today. It is a 12 noon. I'll really be thinking and praying for her.

I'll wish everyone a great day.

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 11:09 AM

Bets, I am praying for Susie also. I shoveled my squirrel and bird food path this morning also. THey were all sitting in the trees waiting for me to get up. lol

Sue, that is certainly strange you would have that problem with BF. It must be from their end. Have you tried Glitches if they had any suggestions? Maybe you have a firewall that is blocking it?

I have to go to the corner now, but other chores are done. I'll come up for air occasionally.grin
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 11:32 AM

Joe just hit the "fast forward" button!!! lol Thanks for the chuckles.

Ana good luck in the corner. Oh and thanks for sending it this way instead. lol But on the other will swirl back at you sometime today. lol Hope the project goes well and fast.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Aw Cailyn what a pain. Hope you can solve the trouble soonest. That is what roomie said when her new one came with Win8. She was ready to have it changed but finally figured things out and now she likes it. lol

Gerry have a lovely day!

Midge be safe if the snow comes your way! Have a lovely day!

venus may work fly and be over in no time at all.

Gail have fun with the house work. Did the cleaning fairy get lost in the storm??? lol

Connie have a lovely day and thanks for the danish!!

Darlene may all go smoothly today!

Bets have fun with the laundry. Come to think of it.... think I should do some too.

Doc appointment went fine but she gave me some things for this head and chest cold. Hopefully that will do the trick.

No plans till taxi time, it it runs in the storm. Then fish fry!

Posted by: Lotus777

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 11:37 AM

Just a fast hello this morning as we are now expecting quite a storm. Sorry if it goes Eastward and affects more of you. I am so ready for Spring. My lilac is actually showing some green leaves, I hope it hasn't jumped the gun! Off I go to do some chores before the winds amp up!!! Happy Gaming everyone!! wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 12:15 PM

Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

We had super loud thunderstorms all night. I love thunderstorms but these rattled the house and the dogs' nerves. So I'm running on no sleep and that is always a very very bad thing. Weatherman just said more on the way. I'm going to sit quietly in the corner and munch on some yummy things. wave
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 01:54 PM

Hello everybody. wave

I got a message from Eyemart Xpress tha my new glasses were ready, so I left work, drove to Texas and got them and came home. yes

These are no line tri-focals and I am not liking them much thumbsdown so far.

They are also transitions lenses.

I may have to go back to a bi-focal. duh

My sinuses are still kicking my behind. rolleyes

I hope you're all having a great day. thumbsup

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 02:07 PM

Joe, it might take you a bit to get used to where to look with those. And sometimes they need to be redone. I had to do that with my first pair, but once they got the zones right, I really like them. wave
Posted by: cailyn

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 03:13 PM

Hi Ana and everyone waveI've been in touch with a BF tech for almost 2 weeks now,still no solution I think it's a lost cause at this point :(which is sad cause I've been a member for about 8 I went to glitches and Jenny said might be a virus,that was when it was doing it on my old comp.I hardly doubt this new one has a virus.It's not just BF site it's all game sites I can't download from,and the same problem on hubby's comp hardwallThank for letting me vent wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 03:22 PM

Aw Cailyn I hope somebody comes up with a solution for you soon!! HUGS!

L4l enjoy the storms but be safe!!!The moisture is good anyway. lol Happy munching!!

Joe I tried them with trifocal and it was a no go so they made me my regular ones for free cause of customer satifaction!! Good luck.

Lotus I hope they aren't too early also. I love Lilacs!!!

Time to get ready so the taxi can run. Have a lovely rest of the day all!

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 03:33 PM

It really does sound like a firewall issue if it's all of you. Either by your IP or you home router. Try Glitches here.
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 03:46 PM

I'm already back in my old glasses. slapforehead

razz joe
Posted by: Haroula

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 04:04 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 05:56 PM

Be safe, Nan wave

Night, Haroula, sleep well sleep

Ana, how isyour toe?

Ah Joe, that stinks. Are they going to recut them?
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 06:01 PM

Sorry Joe, I have multiple glasses because I get migraines and nauseous on multiple lenses.

L4L, it's better but not great. I'm frustrated and getting antsy for it to be healed. I think one more week should be okay for me to go back to the gym.
Are you and soot anticipating a quiet weekend?
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 07:07 PM

Hi Boomers. Running late today but i wanted to wish everyone a good weekend. thumbsup
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 07:13 PM

Hi ya Quest wave

Ana, I hope it is soon well again. Soot and I are anticipating a quiet weekend. The boys are going to be here all next week so they aren't supposed to be here this weekend, but.......

It will be a busy one as son wants to move his bed (waterbed) and rip out the carpet and switch his bookshelves from one wall to across the room. He'll do what he can and we will pitch in. He is hoping his allergies will be better without the carpet, and I'm sure they will be. wave
Posted by: my10rugrats

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 07:50 PM

i posted a small up date today on granddaughter. also i was so mad today that i could of beat the tar out of hubby.i have been so restless today since my car hasn't been moved since wed and we have another system to hit us sunday. well he decides to go out and get my car out of the driveway, i told him to leave it be cause he would get it stuck. well he did at the end of the drive and into the road. luckily our paper was being deliver at that time and the guy helped us out. then the neighbor came home and drove with his suburban back and for in the driveway for me
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 08:39 PM

I'm trying to wear these new glasses and get used to them.

They told me if I didn't like them they would redo them.

My sinuses are running like a river now and very hot. I've been eating ice cream to keep my throat cool.

Now I'm freezing, but thye nose is still running and I'm sneezing like crazy. frown

This is as much misery as I get in. shocked

I had trouble sleeping last night and was up before 3:00am. eek

Trying not to go to bed too early tonight.

Posted by: Midge

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 09:45 PM

Aw Joe, I hope you feel better in the morning.

Night all. I'll be working a split shift for the next 4 days. I have to get to bed. Night all. See you in the morning.

Midgie sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 02/22/13 10:17 PM

Taxi home!! Busy at the fish fry tonight!!

Hope everybody has had a lovely afternoon and evening!!

Posted by: niteowl07

Re: TGIF - 02/23/13 12:08 AM

aww ,joe ,sounds miserable. i have trifocals ,and i had to remember to follow my nose ,not just move my eyes ,at first.

ana ,hope your toe heals soon -that seems like it's been a while.

well ,i'm sorry not to have been here more ,but trying to get all this moving co-ordinated has been a nightmare.

i'm calling it a day - sweet dreams ,all !

catrub sleep