Monday Moaning

Posted by: gymcandy1

Monday Moaning - 02/24/13 06:36 PM

The secret of happiness is to make others believe they are the cause of it.
Al Batt,

Road to Enlightenment

This is the road to enlightenment, revised...

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just bug off and leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.

3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you' re going to steal your neighbor's milk, that's the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can' t be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you pass gas.

7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you don' t have to remember anything.

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Learn From Movies

Things you would never know if it weren't for the movies...

Large, loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed.

One of a pair of identical twins is evil.

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

It doesn't matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one... dancing around in a threatening manner until you have dispatched their predecessors.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible but slightly blue.

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to be a world-famous expert on nuclear fission, dinosaurs, hieroglyphics, or anything else, at the age of 22.

Honest and hard-working policemen are usually gunned down a day or two before retirement.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies using complex machinery involving fuses, deadly gasses, lasers, buzz saws and hungry sharks, all of which will give their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

During all crime investigations, it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All beds have special L-shaped covers that reach up to the armpits of a woman but only to the waist of the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one French bread and one bunch of carrots with leafy tops.

It's easy to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

If you are beautiful, your makeup never rubs off, even while scuba-diving or fighting aliens. However if you are overweight, your mascara will run and your lipstick will smear.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

A man will show no pain while taking the most horrific beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphanous underwear, which is what they happened to be wearing when the car broke down.

If someone says "I'll be right back", they won't.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel from time to time.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

A police detective can only solve a case after he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will be able to mirror all the steps you come up with, and hear the music in your head.

Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure each is assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Welcome to the new week!

I still feel rough, but at least my sinuses are not running like a water faucet. I've got a new buzz cut, and I'm all cleaned up and shiny. dance

I'm like a new man. thumbsup

I hope I feel newly rested. I have to get up at 3:30.....AM!!! razz

That's why I'm typing this here diner at 5:20pm in the afternoon. wink Yep

I don't have another day off until next month.

Friday lol

Friday is March 1st already can ya believe it? That's crazy man. crazy

The Ides of March.

The Ides of March are waiting...........idlely. dance

March brings Spring with it, and April showers bring May mower customers.

Hopefully lots of 'em.

Have a happy day everybody.

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/24/13 07:01 PM

I am so glad you are feeling better Joe. hearts
I can't believe it's going to be March already. eek So much stuff happening in the next few months it's craziness!

Have a happy day everyone. I will spend it in the corner...again.

Ana wave
Posted by: manxman

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/24/13 11:59 PM

Good morning all gameboomers wave Hope everyone has a great start to the week happydance
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 12:47 AM

Good morning manxman!

Ana wave
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 02:11 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Manxman and and all wave
Have all a happy day happydance
Posted by: Midge

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 05:53 AM

Good morning. I just looked out my window. All the cars are covered with snow, again. Time to get the snow brush out again. Boy, we're making up for not getting much snow last year. I don't think we got much though. That's good. But the weatherman says the roads are slippery. Oh joy.

Thanks Joe for your openers. I'm glad you're feeling better. I'm still fighting a cold. I'd love to go back to bed but duty calls. Have a great day. Hi Ana kissy Hi manxman, Haroula, and everyone who follows me in the diner. Have a great day everyone. Please don't forget to exercise. smile

Midgie hearts
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 06:11 AM

Good Morning Joe, Ana, manxman, Haroula and Midge. We got about one inch of snow last night Midge. Joe glad you are feeling better. Ana don't work to hard. Manxman have a nice day. Haroula hope you had a great Birthday. Cailyn coffee is ready. Happy Day to you all! dance
Posted by: connie

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 07:14 AM

Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Monday. Hubby is doing better, but still coughs some. Danish, Pancakes, Bacon Sandwiches, and Hot Chcolate in the NC. penguin
Posted by: GBC

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 07:17 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, you sound more chipper this morning.

Ana, hope you get out of the corner soon.

Manxman, good morning!

Haroula, did you have a fun birthday?

Midge, I hope the roads aren't too slippery. I have an early appointment.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Cailyn, did you get a chance to sleep in?

Got an early appointment this morning. See everybody later on.

Morning Connie, hope hubby feels even better today!
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 09:59 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! So glad you are feeling better! Happy Monday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: flutist

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 11:25 AM

Good morning my good friends here on GB.

Got a text from Susie and she is feeling better and going to work today. Hopefully she will get the results of her test back today. Saying lots of prayers and keeping my fingers crossed.

Today is Bill's birthday. I fixed his birthday dinner last night as I have orchestra tonight. Deep fat fried shrimp and corn fritters. Ooo they were good. Will celebrate with Susie next weekend.

Well, Bill is headed for the treadmill and I will do mine when he gets off.

Have a great day everyone.

Bets hearts
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 11:56 AM

Sorry about your snow Midge. Our weather has turned oh so nice and it's going to be about 73 today. Sunny and bright and glorious. Love this weather. dance

AND the sidewalk project is on its final leg. Today they are to start tearing up the asphalt street and redoing it all. So notices went up last week to 'no parking' on that block and this morning bright and early they blocked off the street at both ends with huge barricades. I looked and everyone is off the street. Looks weird with no cars all over the place. But most of those cars are now in front of my house, and the neighbor's all along our block. Hopefully, no one will try to cram a car into the tiny spot left in front of my mailboxes. If they do, it will block my driveway. So far so good. Funny thing is, 4 of the cars belong to the people who run the 'illegal' tow yard that I reported long ago and got them to clear it. Then they came back in a few months (much more quietly and stealth) but they have so many cars all over. I count a work truck, a van, 2 sedans and maybe a few more that I haven't spotted yet. At least the 'towing' in and out at all hours isn't going like it was. Makes for a quieter night.

Tired from watching the Oscars. Except for a few really good performances by 'stars' that I can recognize, it wasn't too exciting. Hated the MC and his awful jokes at everyone's expense. Just didn't feel happy happy. More like slams. Oh well, maybe it was just me. duh
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 01:33 PM

Joe glad you are starting to feel better. May work fly and go well. Thanks for the chuckles.

Ana may the corner project move right along for ya! I suppose with the up and coming wedding you will be quite busy soon. Don't forget to stop and smell those roses. lol

Manxman have a lovely day.

Haroula have a lovely day and enjoy the nice weather!!

Aw Midge sorry about the snow. Be careful driving to work. Please take the Band with you!!

Gerry have a lovely day!

venus happy whoooooshing!! grin Did your package arrive??? Do you like it???

Connie glad hubby is feeling better. Thanks for the danish!!

Gail Good luck with the early appointment!! Have a lovely day!

Bets birthday to Bill!! Nice BD dinner you cooked for him!! Have fun at orchestra!!

Darlene may work go smoothly today! Have a lovely day!

Sorta glad the sidewalk work is winding down soon.

Up early and went to breakfast and then to the Moose to put our news letters together for mailing.

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 02:54 PM

Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Hubby took a day off and we've both been totally confused. My dentist called to confirm my appointment for tomorrow, and hubby was astounded that they were at work on Sunday. rotfl

Then, when I came to post I couldn't find the Tuesday post.....and wondered why everyone was still posting on yesterday's thread. confused rotfl

There must be something in the water puppy
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 03:55 PM

Back from the doctor's and I'm one 1st-rate happy woman and how. I thought all that pain was carpal tunnel but it isn't!!! it's arthritis in my wrists. Arthritis I can handel that carpal thing I can't. Well, take a half step back, we will know for sure in like 2 weeks but after only 1 anti inflamatory pill, wrists feel better already. I couldn't play games for 2 days -boohoo. Maybe later on.

Quick L4L -what's today? how did our cave man ancestors ever survive without calenders?

Happy monday all
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 04:10 PM

Good afternoon Boomers. Enjoy the rest of your day. smile
Posted by: 3dobermans

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 05:23 PM

Finally home with computer, at least for awhile. May have to take it back in since it insists on doing a memory dump now.
Did find out a connection piece for the fan was broken, my graphics card very outdated and needed more heatsink or whatever that is.
Need to take Rebel in for his rabies shot on Wed. so will call the pc tech prior and see if I should take it back in or if he can work on it per Team Viewer.

Hope all is well with everyone.
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 08:49 PM

Yankee, so glad it's not Carpal tunnel. I have no idea what the day is, but I do know I have to go to the dentist tomorrow no matter which day it is.

Trippy, 'puter problems are so annoying. I hope you get yours solved pronto.

Quest, you guys getting snow?
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 08:54 PM

Good night Boomers. wave
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 09:33 PM


Home, fed, NCIS'd...

Off to see what's afoot!
Posted by: Midge

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 10:00 PM

Night all. See you in the AM. Early work shift tomorrow.

Midgie sleep
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 10:18 PM

Did anyone watch Mike and Molly today? They filmed it at our neighborhood mall last week. yay
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Monday Moaning - 02/25/13 11:55 PM

Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams.