Monday the First of Many

Posted by: gymcandy1

Monday the First of Many - 03/17/13 07:57 PM

I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image.
Stephen Hawking (1942 - )

Road to Enlightenment
This is the road to enlightenment, revised...

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just go away and leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you' re going to steal your neighbour' s milk, that' s the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It' s not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don' t be irreplaceable. If you can' t be replaced, you can' t be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you pass gas.

7. Always remember you' re unique. Just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares whether you' re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you' re a mile away and you have their shoes.

11. If at first you don' t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you don' t have to remember anything.

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.

16. Don' t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

23. Experience is something you don' t get until just after you need it.

The Doctor Says

"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it curse itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here..."
Since he hasn't the foggiest notion of what it is, the Doctor is hoping you will give him a clue.

"We'll see."
First I have to check my malpractice insurance.

"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
I need the money, so I'm charging you for another office visit.

"I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor."
I hate those guys mooching in on our fees.

Since he hasn't the faintest idea of what to do, he is trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt.
(Proctologist also say this a lot.)

"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is he's going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is you're going to pay for it.

"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a 40% interest in the lab.

"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a small fortune.

"How are we today?"
I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like hell.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea.

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.

"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit through their tongues.

"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we?"
I can't remember your name, nor why you are here.

"This should fix you up."
The drug salesman guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.

"Everything seems to be normal."
I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

"Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?"
He thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees.

"Why don't you slip out of your things."
I don't enjoy this any more than you do, but I've got to warm my fingers up somehow.

"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week.

"There is a lot of that going around."
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.

Good morning everyboomie. wave

What's happening? happydance

It's a new week, and that means new day SOS, Same Old Stuff. rolleyes

I feel like doing something different. sherlock

If I weren't working today I'd go get my tongue pierced. razz

I'd get a tattoo on my big ol' toe.

I'd get a lip ring. cool


All in all I'd have to say it's a good thing I'm working today. woot wOOt wOOt

Have a happy day everyone.

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/17/13 08:36 PM

JOe, those doctor statements are probably more true than funny. rotfl
If you get a tattoo on your toe maybe it would deaden the nerves that cause you pain. Stranger things have happened. lol

Have a great day everyone! It's Salsa Funk night so I will be shakin' and a groovin' tonight! Can't wait.

Ana wave
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/17/13 08:54 PM

I'm not done with Sunday yet, but there is HOPE.

Today will be calm and happy and nothing bad will happen. Can I uncross my fingers and toes now? slapforehead
Posted by: Midge

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/17/13 09:33 PM

I'm not done with Sunday either Sorta but it's coming to a close. I spoke with my BIL today. He sounds better than the last time I talked with him. He's recovering from the chemo treatments. He'll probably go home on Tuesday and build up his strength for a couple of weeks then he'll have to return to The Lahey Clinic for another round of chemo. I know he'll be OK because of all the prayers sent by all of you. Thank you. I'll keep you posted. You all warm my heart.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 03:15 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Midgie and all who come in later wave
Its a national holiday for us today woozy
Its the start of the 40 days before Easter.
Have all a nice day happydance
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 04:30 AM

dance Good Morning Joe, Ana, Sorta, Midgie, Haroula and Cailyn. Cailyn coffee is on. Joe you are a hoot! woot Ana sounds like fun! happydance Sorta enjoy your day. Midgie hope all goes well for your BIL. Haroula Happy Holiday! Have a Great Day All! dance
Posted by: venus

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 06:17 AM

Hello and goodbye. wave
Posted by: connie

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 07:28 AM

Good morning everyone. Joe, I hope your back is doing better this morning. L4L, I hope you and Soot are both feeling better this morning. Not sure what's on the agenda for the day yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish, Waffles, Eggs and Bacon, and Hot Chcolate in the NC. spring
Posted by: GBC

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 07:35 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hoope your work runs smoothly today.

Ana, sounds like you'll be right in the groove tonight.

Sorta, wishing you a good Monday.

Midgie, hugs to Biul.

Haroula, have a great day!

Gerry, I'll have a cupo of that coffee please.

Venus, Hello.

Connie, thanks for the Danish. Enjoy whatever plans you make today.

Off on my routine. Be back later. Wishing everyone a wonderful day!
Posted by: Gimli

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 08:54 AM

Good Monday morning buddies

Joe: I hope your back is much better today! Not fun working with an aching back. Hugs to you!

Ana: you take care with all that groovin. Don't want you to end up limping again. Is your toe feeling better? Have fun today!

Midge: I'am happy for you and your BIL that he is feeling better. Nothing better than being at home!

Hi Sorta and Haroula and Gerry and Venus and Gail and everybody coming in after me.

I hope your Monday is a fun day...

Hugs and love!

Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 10:32 AM

WooHo Joe glad you are working. lol May all go well and hope your back is feeling better. Thanks for the laughs!

Ana have a fun time at Salsa class tonight. Do you have rain or is it white like here?? We have about 4 new inches and it is still coming down! I see it goes all the way from here to New Jersey. eek Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely Holiday. Your Easter must be on a different date then ours as ours is in two weeks. headscratch

Cailyn and Gerry have a lovely day!

venus happy working and hope that you are feeling better this morning.

Gail good luck and prayers your way!! HUGS! Have a lovely day!

Midge have a lovely day!

Connie have fun doing what ever pops up!! Thanks for the danish!

Evelyne prayers that all is well there. HUGS!

Sorta hope you have a good day!!

I am off to the dentist but just for to check on how I am healing.

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 11:36 AM

Magnificent Monday ya'll wave

My ick has traveled a bit down closer to the chest. Soot is still sicky, all achy. We shall see how the day goes. puppy
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 02:44 PM

Nan, our is 5th of May, too late this year yes
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 04:03 PM

Good afternoon boomies! I'd like to say I was productive so far today, but that would be a lie. I am actually enjoying being a slug. I have been cleaning up stacks of mail I had here. The beauty of going through it months later is most of it can go in the garbage at this point. lol

Sorta, I hope your day is going great!

Midgie, I am still sending prayers for your BIL and sister. hearts

Haroula, have a happy holiday!

Gerry, is Spring in the air there yet?

Sue, where are you??? kissy

Venus, hope you are feeling better?

Connie, have a great day!

Gail, how are you feeling?

Evelyne, my toe aches sometimes and I am still being cautious but I think it's good!
So sorry about your dad. My condolences.

Nan, we have been alternating between blizzard and sleet. lol Winter is hanging in! I hope the dentist went well.

L4L, I hope you all feel better quickly. hearts

I am going to take a chilly snowy walk with the dogs in about an hour and then get ready for class.
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 04:13 PM

L4l sorry the yuck is traveling. Prayers that you and Soot and son get better soonest! HUGS!

Thanks Haroula!!

Ana have a fun walk with the dogs!! Be careful walking though and don't do what I did today...again. lol All is well and healing.

Posted by: niteowl07

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 04:43 PM

Ana , your postcard went out this morning.

Hope everyone under the weather gets to feeling better soon ,hugs to all.

Still covered in paint ,and working to meet deadline ,so I'll be back later !

Have a wonderful day ! wave
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 05:38 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 06:51 PM

Haroula, sleep well sleep

Eeeek, big storms....lots of thunder....weatherman said "hail" eek
Posted by: Midge

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 09:16 PM

Hi all. I'm home from work, changed from my work clothes to something much more comfy.Ana I think my BIL will be going home tomorrow to continue to recuperate from the chemo treatment. And I just learned today that my sister has agreed to go to a halfway house from three to six months to straighten out her monster addiction problem. That is very good news. Things are looking up in my family.I needed some good news. Thanks for your prayers. kissy

Midgie hearts sleep
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 09:20 PM

Midgy thumbsup

Soot is still sicky, but no longer looks like he is about to die. So he is making progress! wave
Posted by: Midge

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 10:43 PM

L4L I'm sending healing prayers for Soot. I hope he feels a lot better tomorrow.
Midgie hearts
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/18/13 10:49 PM

Ok, it's off to bed with me. Sleep well all sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Monday the First of Many - 03/19/13 12:16 AM

Time to say "Good Night"!!

Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!


Midge that is good news. Will keep them in my thoughts and prayers.

L4l glad Soot is feeling a little better. How about you??