Hump Day

Posted by: gymcandy1

Hump Day - 03/19/13 11:16 PM

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
Emo Philips


I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

Funny Letters
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note.

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

* * * * * * * * * *

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

* * * * * * * * * *

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note which reads:

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear Sir,
Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your a-- and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Hump Day huh? think

I think I rolled down hill to get to Wednesday, and it's all up hill from here with 4 closers. shocked

If I make it till Sunday I'm gonna run around the pasture naked and give those two old cows something to moo about. taz

Ok I won't be naked. lol

I'll be wearing socks. thumbsup sock. dance

Have a happy day everyone. rah

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 03/19/13 11:44 PM

Have a wonderful day Joe and all. I'll be in the corner all day so please bring snacks and coffee. lol
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 02:26 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana and all wave
Have all a nice day happydance
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 04:31 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula wave There's plenty of coffee in the corner Ana,hope your not in there for to long. Enjoy your day everyone bunny
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 05:02 AM

bunny Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe hopeyour day is better then it sounds! Ana don't work to hard. Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Happy Day All! bunny
Posted by: GBC

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 06:38 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope your workday flies by today.

Ana, wishing you good luck in the corner today.

Haroula, happy day!

Cailyn, coffee please and thank you.

Gerry, have a good one.

Midgie, how is Bill doing?

Got to run, be back later. Wishing everyone a wonderful day!
Posted by: Leeana

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 07:45 AM

Good Morning to all !!!! and Thank You Joe You make my mornings more ...sunnier Thank You smile
Posted by: connie

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 08:07 AM

Good morning all my diner buddies, if it doesn't rain today I'll do some yard work. Hubby is doing good, and says Hi to everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Hump day. Danish, Apple Cinnamon Pancakes, Assorted Muffins, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. chocobunny
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 09:58 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a super Hump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 10:30 AM

Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

I woke up at 3:30 coughing and couldn't stop so I got up, grabbed a hot hot cup of tea, and came downstairs so I wouldn't wake up Soot. I tea'd and coffee'd til around 8 when the coughing stopped. So I went back to bed. Now I'm up again.

Tis cooler out there. I think someone bandies around the number 32 for tonight. wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 10:40 AM

I worked until 2am, went to bed and as soon as I fell asleep Shadow decided he did not feel well and needed to go out. Tried to sleep again at about 3am, and Shadow needed to go out again at 5:30. Then tried again at 6am and woke with a headache at 7am. This is going to be a very long day.....

It was 9 degrees a little while ago with minus 4 windchill. If anyone finds Spring please blow it this way!

Have a happy day!
Posted by: flutist

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 11:07 AM

Good morning friends.

Spring? What's that? Our forcast for the next week is yucky. Think I will just stay in where it is warm.

Gotta go do my treadmill. Back later.

Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 11:52 AM

Well since Spring is coming in like a Lion I surely hope it goes out like a Lamb. lol In the minus numbers this morning and that wind makes it soooo cold feeling. What ever happened to Spring? Just who is hiding it???

Joe I'm sure you will make it through the next four with flying colors!! May work fly and go well. Thanks for the laughs.

Aw Ana I hate when that happens! Especially here cause I can't just open the door anymore and just let Sassy out, I have to take her. lol HUGS!

Oh I just might be able to talk my neice into heading that way cause she said she loves it there. lol We were going to do the 5k "The Color Run" together. Maybe we can do it there nest year.

Hope the head is feeling better. HUGS!! I'll keep the corner stocked for ya. Hope the project moves right along for ya!!

Haroula have a lovely first day of Spring!!!

Cailyn and Gerry have a lovely day!

Gail don't run too fast. lol Have a lovely day what ever you do. Happy Gaming!!

Connie glad hubby is feeling good. HI back at him!! thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Leeana Have a lovely day!!

Darlene may all go smoothly today!! Have a lovely day!

Bets stay warm and happy gaming!!

L4l I pray that the coughing goes really soonest and you are feeling better. HUGS!!

No plans but to stay warm till taxi time!!

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 12:14 PM

A lovely day here. Starting to be true Spring weather. Birds are singing, unfortunately ALL night. Ugh. Mocking birds are loud and unrelenting. Crows are stealing dead sticks from my trees to make nests. Ahhh the joys of Spring.

AND good news about our Seal Pool. After those girls were harassing the seals and were spotted due to the new Seal Cam, the Mayor just instituted a dusk to dawn ban on anyone going on the beach there until after the pupping season which ends April 15. This will protect the mommy and baby seals. I'm so thrilled with that mandate. Of course the protesters are angry, but those mommy seals shouldn't be hit and kicked by some stupid humans. Yesterday, there was a mommy seal who gave birth in the afternoon, and the camera guy zeroed in, up close and personal and I got to see the entire thing. Wow. He stayed on her and baby for a long time while mom got the baby to eat and fended off the seagulls who love to snatch the 'byproducts' of the birth. What a glorious scene.

Hand is swollen. Strange, because it's my right hand and it's my Left hand that got hit by that shopping cart. So weird. Have no idea what I might have done to the swollen hand. Gotta think back and see if maybe I strained or hit it and forgot. Today's project. rotfl
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 01:25 PM

Good day everyone. wave
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 02:15 PM

Hello everybody. wave

How is everyone doing today? happydance

I'm about to leave for work and I freely admit I hate going in this late. razz

Oh well. duh

It's a nice sunny day here today. It would have been nice to go out head hunting.

I hope you all have a super day. rah

See ya late late. tired

Posted by: Lotus777

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 03:09 PM

Hello Boomers!!! Oh Ana, I do feel for you. It stormed loudly and all night long here. At least once every hour I was awakened by unusual noises plus heavy deluges and the screaming of the wind. I feel like the proverbial walking dead too! Nan, I hope Spring is just around the corner for all of us. There are signs here and there and then we get a winter like storm...ugh!!! Hope you feel better soon, L4L. Hi Space, how is your day going? Hope your hand feels better soon too, Sorta!! It is pouring cats and dogs, hubby is napping on the couch, so I think I will put some more wood on the fire and game!! Happy Gaming everyone!!! wave
Posted by: Gimli

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 03:33 PM

Good morning my dear friends

Joe: that would be a sight! We all play cow to have a look at your sock(s)..

Ana: lots of coffee and hot cocoa in the corner for you! I'am sorry to hear you have a headache. May it vanish soon and let you enjoy the day instead. Is Shadow better?

Looney and Soot: get well wishes from all my heart!

Nan: hugs and many kisses!

Hi Lotus sweetie.

Hello Haroula, Sue, Gerry, Gail, Leeana, Connie and hubby, Darlene, Bets, Sorta, Space and everybody coming in after me.

I'am glad for the fire burning in the stove in the corner. It's freezing and I don't know where spring went this year. Not to Switzerland, that's for sure.

I'am sending my love to you all!

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 04:35 PM

Just for you Joe, try this website for loads of arrowhead type tools. Lots of stuff to drool over.
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 11:05 PM

Night guys, time to hit the hay with a book and hope the hay hits back. Sleep well all sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 03/20/13 11:42 PM

Well the taxi did not make a run tonight, but granddaughter stopped by for awhile. happydance

Time here to find my pillow and dream of Spring. lol Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!