Posted by: gymcandy1

Thursday's - 03/21/13 01:19 AM

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain

Year after year Bubba's wife pleaded with him to take her fishing but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it. She, finally, wore him down, he consented, and early one morning they took off to the lake. They had not been there very long when the fish began biting. Almost as fast as they cast, a fish would bite, and they reeled it in. After catching their limit, Bubba said, Martha, sweet thang, I'm sorry. You've been good luck and I'm gonna bring you with me the next time. If you'll mark the spot where we caught all these fish, we'll go home.
On the way home, Bubba turned to Verna Lou and said, Sweet thang, how did you mark the spot were all the fish are so next time I'll know? Bubba, darlin', I put a big 'X' on the side of the boat right down closest to the water. Sweet thang, that's about the dumbest thing I ever seed you do. Don't you know that won't work? We may not get the same boat the next time!

National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a program they had funded with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shoot!" Only the state of Wisconsin was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey, hold my beer and watch this!"

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees."

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said...FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labour.
The nurse tells the first man, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!"

"What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!"

The nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets!"

"Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!"

When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.

"Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!"

At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong.

"What's wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!"

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy.
St. Peter goes through the Book several times, furrows his brow and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you ever did anything really bad in your life, but you never did anything really good either. If you can point to even one really good deed--you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and saw a giant group of Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em ripping the clothes off this terrified young woman.

Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang, a Huge Guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me. So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Layed him out. Then I turned and yelled at the rest of them, 'Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

St. Peter, impressed, says, "Really? When did this happen?"

"Oh, about two minutes ago."

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, 'You've been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.'
The cats says, 'Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that he made the cat.

The mice said, 'All our lives we've had to run. We've been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,

'How are you doing? Are you happy here?'

The cat yawns and stretches and says, 'Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!'

Good morning. Good morning. A new day is a forming. welcome

Since it's so early in the morning... thoughts are a forming in my head.

They're largely incoherent. That's nothing to do with how early it is though. razz

They're just largely incoherent. headscratch

Whenever I say something to someone, they usually ask me "What did you say?" or "What have you been drinking?" shocked

That's if they're not running from me yelling "Get away from me you freak!!."

Some people are so touchy about strangers who start talking to them on the street. duh

All I said was "Hey do you know how to sell a watch to a deaf man?"


{{{{"HEY MISTER DO YOU WANNA BUY A WATCH???"}}}} snicker

Those nice men in the white coats a here with a new jacket for me. I think they're crazy. It's not even cold out. crazy

Have a happy day everyone.

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 01:26 AM

Have a great day Joe and all! I am slowly running out of steam but then again I've been sitting here since 8 this morning. lol

You know where I'll be all day so please keep the snacks and coffee coming.

Ana wave
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 02:38 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana and all who arrive later waveAna there's plenty of coffee in the corner along with some muffins,donuts,and some candy bars to keep up your energy.I hope you'll be out of the corner soon,happy day everyone chocobunny
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 02:43 AM

Sue, I was waiting for you. lol Have a great day!
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 03:29 AM

Have a great day all wave
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 05:01 AM

bunny Good Morning Joe, Ana, Cailyn and Haroula. My goodness you all are up early or late! Hope you all have a better day! bunny
Posted by: venus

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 06:03 AM

Hello and goodbye. wave Enjoy your Thursday, everyone. spring
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 06:09 AM

chocobunny Good morning to you venus. Keep smiling! chocobunny
Posted by: GBC

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 06:51 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, Hope you like your new jacket. lol

Ana, You're still in the corner? Hugs!

Cailyn, have a great day.

Haroula, good morning.

Gerry, good day to you also.

Venus, don't work too hard.

A trip to radiation this morning. Still have a few weeks to go then I'm done with it all. chocobunny
Posted by: connie

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 06:52 AM

Good morning everyone. Shopping and lunch out with SIL is in the cards for today. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Thursday. Danish, Waffles, French Toast, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. chocobunny
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 09:59 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a great Thursday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 10:33 AM

shiver It was a lovely Spring morning out there for me and Sassy's walk and a nice -1!!! lol

Joe only two more after today!! Thanks for the laughs.

Ana eek You were up late working. Hope that it is moving right along for ya. Have a lovely day!

Cailyn that is too early to be getting up. eek Hope you can fit in a nap sometime.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry have a nice walk and day!

venus Happy Whoooooshing!!

Gail good luck with the radiation and soon it will be all behind you!! HUGS!!

Connie have fun shopping with sil and enjoy lunch!! Thanks for the danish!

Darlene may work all go smoothly today! Have a lovely day!

No plans yet, but ya never know around here. lol

Posted by: Leeana

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 10:41 AM

Blonde Joke tooooo Funny Thank You smile
Posted by: Gimli

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 11:12 AM

Good morning boomer friends wave

Have a happy and wonderful day!

Gail: all the best for your radiation appt. kissy


Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 12:14 PM

Another lovely day in paradise here. Unfortunately, some street person decided to totally ignore my warning sign on my trash can and opened up the compactor bag and sorted through everything last night. Now I have to WASH my trash can which is a big job. It's a huge can. Nasty now. Hate people who go through my trash even though I clearly warn them NO cans or bottles, do NOT open bags. I bag everything so it's nice and neat. Grrrrrr.

THEN my yard kid's lies are getting so convoluted I can't keep track of them. He's a hard worker, needs constant supervision, but does all the stuff I can't and won't do. But now he's getting less and less reliable and seems to need to leave early every time he is here and wants to 'borrow' money (before he does the total job) for all sorts of excuses.

Lied about needing it for his DUI class. Well, my memory is good and he said he took that class last year, even answered my questions about what he learned each time. What films he saw, etc. NOW he's saying he JUST enrolled and needs money for the class.

I'm not buying it this time. Can't figure out what the money is going for, but he is getting about 100 bucks between me and my neighbor gal in a week, so now I'm curious. Probably a girl. I'll check for hickies. rotfl
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 02:26 PM

Hello everybody. wave

I'm on my way out the door for my second of four nights. razz

I'll be back after 10 tonight. happydance

I hope you all have a great day. rah

Sorta thanks for the link. They have a lot of awesome looking points and other relics. bravo

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 03:24 PM

Joe, hope the afternoon and night go well.

Son just got called in to work sad

It is chilly in Al....the "S" word has been mentioned for the northern parts of the state. wave
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 04:38 PM

Good afternoon Boomers. wave
Posted by: Lotus777

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 05:43 PM

Good Afternoon Space and all assorted Boomies. Just returned from a lovely 93rd birthday party given by SIL, the cake maker. It was very nice and my Mum was totally spoiled and loved on. Don't feel too well, thought I was carsick but it may be some bug. Going to crawl into bed with a Kindle book for now. Hope everyone is having a great day and Happy Gaming!! wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 06:45 PM

Afternoon Quest wave

Lotus, I'm glad everyone had fun. I hope that you feel better soon. wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 09:11 PM

Howdy boomies, sorry for not posting.

Gail, how are the treatments going? hearts

It's almost Friday, are we excited? yay
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 11:03 PM

Hi ya Ana, good to see you survived the corner wave

Soot and I are off to bed. Sleep well sleep
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 11:05 PM

I am still here in the corner but doing well. I am ahead enough to be able to run the dogs tomorrow so I am very excited. yay

Sleep well L4L, I hope you all are feeling better. hearts
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thursday's - 03/21/13 11:11 PM

Lotus prayers that you are feeling much better in the morning!! HUGS!

Night L4l sleep well and hope both you and Soot are feeling better! HUGS!

Ana glad things are going good for you and you are moving right along!! happydance I'm sure the dogs will be happy. lol

the taxi went out and just dropped people off. I am now waiting for a call to pick them up!

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thursday's - 03/22/13 12:05 AM

Be careful out there Nan! Hubby misses me so I am going to bed on time.

Lotus, hope you are feeling better, sorry I missed that earlier.