Saturdiner

Posted by: gymcandy1

Saturdiner - 03/23/13 01:48 AM

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Rita Rudner

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lady on the airplane strikes up a conversation with the fellow sitting in the next seat, "..and where are you going?"

"I'm going to San Francisco to a Unix convention," he replies.

"Eunuchs convention?" she questions. "I didn't know there were that many of you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

"House," in French, is feminine-"la mansion."

"Pencil," in French, is masculine - "le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "...What gender is computer?..."

The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary.

So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist sitting around late one evening, and they got to discussing which was the oldest profession.

The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam's rib.

This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world.

The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession.

The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, "Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The gigantic computer took up a whole wall, dwarfing the two mathematicians standing before it.

After much flashing and humming a sliver of paper emerged from the vitals of the machine.

One mathematician, after studying it gravely, turned to the other and said with awe, "Do you realise that it would take four hundred ordinary mathematicians a hundred years of calculations to make a mistake this big?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Microsoft (Nasdaq: MSFT) announced that it is selling advertising space in the error messages that appear in Windows.

Acknowledging for the first time that the average user of their operating system encounters error messages at least several times a day, Microsoft is trying to take financial advantage of the unavoidable opportunity to make an ad impression.

"We estimate that throughout the world at any given moment several million people are getting a 'General Protection Fault' or 'Illegal Operation' warning.

We will be able to generate significant revenue by including a short advertising message along with it," said Microsoft marketing director Nathan Mirror.

He also mentioned that Microsoft is intended to add banner ads into its Blue Screen of Death in the near future.

The Justice Department immediately indicated that they intend to investigate whether Microsoft is gaining an unfair advantage in reaching the public with this advertising by virtue of its semi-monopolistic control over error messages.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

I'm trying to be in a morning state of mind with a birdie on my shoulder whispering "gotta go nite nite?" in my ear, and a doggie who wants to curl up on my lap and sleep. puppy

The little kid inside of me only wants a clean dry diaper, and a warm bottle of milk, warm crib, and my mommy. pacify

The old man inside of me wants water to hydrate with, plenty of Depends, and a warm crypt, and my mummy. rotfl

Better get an electric blanket for mummy. She's cold natured. dance

Poor circulation I guess. duh

Drafty pyramid. snicker

Have a happy day everyone.

joe
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 03:29 AM

Good morning everyone wave
Have a super Saturday all happydance
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 03:37 AM

Good morning Joe,Haroula waveJoe you are to funny grinCoffee is ready with some French toast,cr.donut holes and some bagels,have a great day everyone chocobunny
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 05:07 AM

bunny Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe sweet dreams! Haroula enjoy your sunshine. Cailyn french toast sounds delicious! i haven't had any in years! happy day All! bunny
Posted by: GBC

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 06:26 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a wonderful day!

Haroula, wishing you a happy and exciting day.

Cailyn, coffee is most welcomed. Thanks.

Gerry, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

To all who come in....happy Saturday! I'm taking my cousin out to lunch for her birthday. Her choice where. bunny
Posted by: connie

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 07:28 AM

Good morning everyone. Today our computers are supposed to go to our friend to be upgraded. That is if all the parts came in. He will have them for a few days. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, Omelets, Bacon Sandwiches, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. chocobunny
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 10:13 AM

Enjoy your Saturday everyone. smile
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 11:38 AM

Good morning Boomer Buddies. wave

We are about to have a storm pass over us. yay

I hope we get lots of rain, but it probably won't last long enough. happydance

Once again I go to work at 2:00, but at least this is Friday for me. woot

I hope you all have a super day. urock Rock and Roll Baby! cool

joe
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 11:42 AM

Joe I hope the day flies for you so you can get started on your day off tomorrow!! Thanks for the laughs!!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Have a nice day!

Gerry enjoy the weekend!!

Gail have a fun time out to lunch! birthday to your cousin!!

Connie hope the parts are all in and the upgrade goes quickly!! Thanks for the danish!

Space enjoy the weekend!!

Only plans for today are to go to a memorial service for one of our Moose members.

wave
Nan
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 12:24 PM

Good morning boomies! It's a lovely day here and I will be running the dogs soon and then doing a Costco trip with hubby later. The rest of the day will be in the corner.

Nan, have you checked this out? They have room and it's not far from me.
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 01:52 PM

Daughter did a color run...she had a lot of fun, but it is not for me as she was exhaling color for awhile. wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 02:01 PM

L4L, Nan wanted to do one, I can't take a chance with my allergies. I can see me getting an asthma attack or hives. lol
Posted by: niteowl07

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 03:56 PM

joe ,you crack me up ! thanks for jokes and coffee - hope your day flies !

wow,the color run is very interesting !

we are having a sandstorm ,of all things. winds of 35-40mph ,and visibility is awful. till 8pm tonight. so of course,just hoping we don't lose power ,or have anything damaged.just getting over the hail damage from two weeks ago. our grocery store is still not open yet..sigh ( they lost their roof )

so , i'm going to game in between painting and napping ,not going out since i'm trying to beat off a cold - should be a nice easy day !

see you all later ,and be sure to have some fun ! wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 07:21 PM

Oh Ana thanks for the info. When my neice gets back from Florida on Monday I will let her know. She just might do it cause she was disapointed about the other being sold out.

Have a lovely run with the dogs and fun shopping with hubby!! Hope the project is going well for ya!! It is quit nice here too.....low thirties!!

wave L4l Hope you are feeling better and having a nice day!

niteowl be safe in that there sandstorm. I actually saw one when i was in Arizona. Was really something to see....from a distance that is. lol

wave
Nan
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 07:29 PM

Sandstorm...eek! puppy
Posted by: Midge

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 09:04 PM

Hi all. Sorry I haven't been in the diner much lately. I've been so worried about my BIL. He's been in the hospital. After they let him come home for a day he had a temp of 104 and was very disoriented so the ambulance took him to the hospital ( close to where he lives) He has an infection and needed to be back in the hospital so the doctors can find out where the infection is comimg from. I spoke with him today and he's not in good shape. My heart goes out to him. Please keep him in your prayers if you would. Thank you. My sister is still in a facility for addicts for about another week, then she goes to a halfway house for 3 to 6 months. They both need your prayers. Thank you. Please forgive me for not being here. I will keep you posted if anything changes.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 09:11 PM

Midgie, I always have a steady stream of hugs and prayers for you and your family. hearts Please be sure to take care of yourself as well so you don't get sick. Big Hugs!

be back..
Posted by: Midge

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 09:16 PM

Thank you my Dear friend. I am so worried about both of them. Just knowing that you send hugs and prayers my way helps me stay focused. kissy

Midgie hearts
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 09:21 PM

I may not always say something but I always hold you all dear to me.

Darlene, I hope you are well. I've missed you around here too!
Posted by: MaG

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 09:22 PM

Hugs, Midge. Take care of yourself.
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 09:23 PM

Oh Midgy, so sorry to hear this. Hugs to you all.
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 09:38 PM

More prayers on the way Midge. hearts

Good night Boomers. wave
Posted by: Midge

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 09:55 PM

Thank you all of you. I know how all your prayers are heard. You all warm my heart.

Night all.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturdiner - 03/23/13 10:45 PM

Missing Trippy around here too. hearts

Niteowl, I bet the sandstorms look pretty awesome if you aren't in them. Are you all settled in now?

Nan, it was a beautiful day here. Tomorrow it's back to snow. lol I hope you can come with your niece, I'd love to meet up with you!

L4L, how are you feeling?

MaG hearts
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Saturdiner - 03/24/13 12:10 AM

Midge....HUGS!! Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Well time here to say good night.

Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!!

sleep
Nan

Ana that would be soooo much fun!! I am hoping that she will do it.