What? Monday Again?

Posted by: gymcandy1

What? Monday Again? - 03/24/13 07:15 PM

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
Leo J. Burke

Job Interviews

Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees...

A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.

Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.

Candidate fell and broke arm during interview.

Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewers office.

Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer.

Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.

Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.

Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.

Candidate brought large dog to interview.

Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.

Candidate dozed off during interview.

The employers were also asked to list the "most unusual" questions that have been asked by job candidates.

"What is it that you people do at this company?"

"What is the company motto?"

"Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"

"What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"

"Why do you want references?"

"Do I have to dress for the next interview?"

"I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"

"Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?"

"Will the company pay to relocate my horse?"

"Does your health insurance cover pets?"

"Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"

"Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"

"Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?"

"Why am I here?"

Also included are a number of unusual statement made by candidates during
the interview process...

I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement.

At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking.

I feel uneasy indoors.

Sometimes I feel like smashing things.

Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars.

I think that Lincoln was greater than Washington.

I get excited very easily.

Once a week, I usually feel hot all over.

I am fascinated by fire.

I like tall women.

Whenever a man is with a woman he is usually thinking about sex.

People are always watching me.

If I get too much change in a store, I always give it back.

Almost everyone is guilty of bad sexual conduct.

I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker.

I never get hungry.

I know who is responsible for most of my troubles

If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival.

I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me.

My legs are really hairy.

I think I'm going to throw-up.

Landlord Letters

1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

2. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

4. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?

5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

6. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

7. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

8. The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

9. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.

10. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.

11. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink.

12. Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.

13. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.

14. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his [blip] wakes me up, and it is getting too much.

15. When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.

Good morning Boomers. welcome

It's a new day, a new week, and aren't we happy little campers about that? woot

I think I had a day off. I'm not sure it was so short. shocked

I'll be up at 3:30am, so my night will be just as short. tired

I've already taken my sleepy time pills and if they don't work I'll count cows. think

If that doesn't work, and it probably won't because we only have two cows, I have a hammer next to my bed.

I tap my sister on the head with it, and that usually makes me feel so blissful that I float right off to sleep. sleep

I bought Hobbit today so I'll probably fall asleep to that really. wink

I hope you all have a happy day. happydance

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/24/13 07:45 PM

rotfl Loved the job interviews. There are some special people out there.

How many days before your next one off?

Have a happy day everyone! It's Monday so it's Salsa Funk night! woot

Ana wave
Posted by: Haroula

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 03:15 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana and all who come in later wave
Another national holiday for us,two in a row snickerLucky me smile
Well,its a national-relegion holiday so its time for church.
Have all a happy day happydance
Posted by: Midge

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 06:49 AM

Good morning. I'm not feeling very well this morning. I spent the better part of the day in bed yesterday and still not up to snuff. I'll be working at 5:00 this afternoon. Working on feeling better by then. Have a good day all.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: GBC

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 07:26 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, you had me laughing out loud this morning.

Ana, have fun at salsa Funk.

Haroula, enjoy your holiday.

Midgie, so sorry you're not feeling well. Hope you feel better in time for work. hugs!

Wishing everone a great start to the week. I'm off for my usual routine. Cailyn, where's the coffee? Did you sleep in? Hope you're feeling okay.
Posted by: Darlene

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 10:00 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a mahvelous Monday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: flutist

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 10:42 AM

Good morning y'all.

We got 9 inches of snow and the airport got 12.4 inches. Schools are closed around here, including the college, so no orchestra tonight.

Went out and cleaned off the sidewalk from the porch to the driveway. Bill cleaned off a path each side of the driveway so he could see where it is when he drives out this afternoon.

I must say, it really looks pretty out there but I am really ready for spring. It is supposed to warm up by the weekend.

Guess I'll go get some coffee, then play for awhile.

Have a good day everyone.

Posted by: auntiegram

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 12:11 PM

lol Joe thanks for the laughs!! Hope work goes by as fast as your day off or your night.

Ana have a lovely time at Salsa tonight. Are you out of the corner now???

Hazroula have a lovely hoilday!!

Aw Midge HUGS!! Prayers you are feeling well in no time at all.

Gail good luck!!! HUGS! Have a lovely day!

Darlene may work all run smoothly today!

Bets eek That's a lot of snow but I'm sure it won't last very long. Be careful if ya go out!!

No plans for the day.

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 12:31 PM

I thought the Weekend would never end. Happy Monday! Today's fun started with me feeding the Outdoorsies and suddenly from just above me came this BEEP BEEP BEEP. Yes I'm yelling because it was so loud I jumped. Thought it might be a smoke alarm in my laundry room. Looked up after the cats went wacky and ran all over the place and it was a huge Parrot! Lovely red chested, blue wings. Wow! All the ferals were trying to catch it, but it kept flying around. I tried to chum it but it wasn't interested. Then I heard an 'answering call' from a few houses away. I'm thinking it might be the annual Mexico to US parrot migration. I'm going to look it up and see. Hope I don't find red and blue feathers all over my yard. scared
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 03:11 PM

Looks like we lost Sue, Gerry and Venus today. Hope all is well. hearts

I took the dogs for a run and they are now sleeping. I'm heading to the shower and then cook up a few side dishes and salad dressing that hubby asked for. I'm out of the corner for only a few hours so I have to get my chores in there. It felt good to vacuum up all the dog hair. The dogs are doing their spring shed.

Are we having fun yet?
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 03:22 PM

Hello everybody.

I got an extra hours sleep last night yay which means that I overslept. scared WHAT????

Lovely way to start the day/week. shocked

It has been cold cold cold and windy windy windy all day day day. lol

Not sure if we got out of the 30s. shiver

My back is giving me trouble again, so between that and the chilly temperature, I'll be staying in this evening.

Ana I hope you got out to run with the dogs today. Did you get any snow?

Midge I'm so sorry you're not feeling well. Hope you recover quickly. kissy

Sorta are you saying you had a Macaw in your yard? He may have be someone's pet.

Bets that's a whole bunch of snow. eek

I hope you're all having a fantastic day. rah

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 03:41 PM

Eeeek, I have to do the same to the dog hair, Ana. I'm constantly surprised that my dogs aren't naked. wave
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 03:44 PM

Good afternoon Boomers. wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 04:10 PM

Joe, so sorry you woke up late. Does that mean you were late from work too? I did get the dogs out and it was snowing little pellets when we were walking that hurt my face but it's 34 degrees out so it doesn't stick. We had a white coating this morning but it was gone by ten or so.

L4L, I can pull handfuls of hair out of both of them. It is amazing how much hair they have. puppy
Are you all feeling better now?

SpaceQ, the hardest day is over! grin
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 04:44 PM

Nope Joe, I had a huge parrot in my yard. Drove the Outdoorsies crazy for a few minutes. Heard another one 'echoing' his cries about 1/2 block South. I'm pretty sure it's the annual Mexico to Calif migration of the parrots. Didn't see any clipped wings, seemed to be a healthy bird and no bands on the feet. I'm gonna keep looking but he took off after 5 minutes and no more calls from him or the other one. I tried to coax him down but he didn't seem to be the least interested in humans. We have been known to have herds of wild parrots coming over the border. I wonder if they are considered immigrants? rotfl
Posted by: venus

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 05:59 PM

Ah, I just realized I haven't posted today! Nothing exciting going on. I have the day off, and it snowed. penguin Ironically, that's the first time I've seen snow stick here since winter started, and we're already into spring. I think the seasons have shifted. lol

Sadly, my hours are extremely low, both this week and next week. I don't want to look for another job, but I may have to. frown I did say something to one of the Best Buy managers, and he said he would e-mail my company, which was nice of him. Not only do I not have enough hours to pay my bills long term, I don't have enough time to actually do my job. Oh, well, the way I look at it, if the work isn't finished, it's not my fault. yes

Anyway, at least I had a nice day with my kitties. cat

Hope everyone is having a good evening. wave
Posted by: Leeana

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 06:19 PM

rotfl Thank You ... You make everyday worth Smiling ... as I go about my daily chores Joe I remember these jokes you place on this forum and It just slaps a grin on my face Thank You ... its good to be able to be somewhere anywhere in the house then all of a sudden a burst of laughter ....ty wave
Posted by: soot

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 06:50 PM

Yes, it's Monday again and look at this! My computer is working today shocked

Have a wonderful evening everyone wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 10:22 PM

Night guys, sleep well sleep
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 10:28 PM

Sweet dreams L4L...

I had to skip dance tonight, but I'll be free tomorrow night. yay
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: What? Monday Again? - 03/25/13 11:32 PM

Well finally after an interesting day I can sit and relax. lol

Joe sorry you over slept, but glad you got a little extra Z's!

Ana sorry ya missed dance class. I guess I looked at the wrong race so the one that my neice wants to do is still open, She likes the "Run or Dye" race as it will be held in May and not July and the heat of Summer.

We will be getting together Easter and discuss which race and what month to run. Besides that........she is thinking of flying there. Me on a plane????? Don't think that will happen. I have never been in one yet. lol Don't know if I want to start now. duh

Well time here to check a game puzzle and then head for bed so I will say.....Good Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!